Saturday, September 13, 2014

Day 518 - Re-Cycling Patterns Part 3

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be aware of myself when I make the choices to not be here with myself within that which I am doing and check up on myself to see who I am and where I am at within that which I am working on, specifically in writing and desteni related assignments/tasks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do the tasks to get them done so that I can say that I have gotten them done, but in this not feel good about myself, good here is like knowing that I applied myself within the best possibility in that moment, and know that I haven’t done my best yet still state within myself that I am going to go through with it without really applying myself within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for playing video games for long hours and for sleeping a lot and in this judge myself for not applying myself rather than simply breathing and being here with myself, checking up on myself in breath, meaning take a look at who I am within the point and check myself, breathe, and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself for not applying myself for an extended amount of time in this meaning that I do not work on DIP or write or direct points within myself and in this judge myself for believing that I need to be a certain way and live a certain way with my life in relation to process where I believe that I cannot, for a moment falter with application of myself and if I do then I have fallen and in this point of `falling` be incredibly hard on myself, not seeing or realizing that it is a point for me to investigate, align a correction to, forgive and put in place a new system, one that is in relation to what is best for all, and what is best for me within my living on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be applying myself in DIP etc every day and be really diligent with my application of myself every day and the days that I don't apply myself then I am a terrible person and in this start to hate myself and loathe myself rather than forgiving myself, breathing , bringing myself back here and apply myself within the moment because I mean I look at this entire point and it is such as waste of time for me to participate in, like beating up on myself is such a useless point that I have been participating in and I really don't want to do it any longer, I don't want to be hard on myself, I want to be here with myself in each moment, like not expecting anything more from myself based on an ideas or ideals of myself in/as who or what I need to be in relation to process and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this idea of who I need to be in relation to process and what I need to do in relation to process instead of simply being here with myself in breath and relaxation, like not being hard on myself for anything that I do but rather understand it and work with what comes up within a given moment, clear that point inside of myself by writing, self forgiveness, and self correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself for playing video games a lot and be hard on myself for who I am within playing video games yesterday rather than taking a look at who I am and you know, not judging myself for who I am or being hard on myself for who I am in relation to having ideas and beliefs of how I need to be which are false and not real and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ideas of who and what I need to be in relation to process or to be a `good` person in relation to process and then define myself as being bad for not living up to or within those ideals/ideas.

With the repeating patterns I have noticed a few things. The first thing that I have noticed is that if I move through the point for a moment or for a few days then I start to go on this high or excitement or experience that I have changed, that I have moved myself and have done well and have been effective within applying myself - in this point of positive energy I will start to define myself as the point of being effective or define myself as being `good` at process lol, and what comes up now is a saying that has stayed with me for quite a while and this saying is "You don't need to point out a tree and say it's a tree, same thing with anger, you don't need to state that you're angry, the anger will speak for itself" This basically means that things will be for/as themselves so if there are thoughts in the mind stating that I am effective or I am getting somewhere within a single point then this is separation from myself within/as the point of being effective or `getting somewhere` within the point, because if it were true and if it were real then it would be lived here by me in every moment of expression of myself, the effectiveness would speak for itself, the transcending a point would speak for itself, thus it does not need to be thought about or expressed within thought, because I mean really when I think about those things I am attempting to convince myself of that idea of myself and, I mean it is really easy for me to accept that idea of myself if it starts within positivity because the positive energy is quite attractive, regardless I see this point within myself, I see that if there are thoughts or an experience of myself as being effective in writing or DIP or desteni related points of within an overall `expression` of myself then I know one thing, that it is not real nor is it true as an expression of myself because it is coming through in thought rather than lived expression of myself. As well, what I started off typing previously was that I will have this idea that I have changed a point within myself and then if, for one moment, I allow myself to go back into that point then, oh boy, shit hits the fan within myself in relation to self-judgment, self-loathing, self-hate and this overall like constricting and life sucking experience of myself where I start to define myself as the worst person on the planet - like I can go from feeling good/great about myself as being on top of the world into this deep dark pit within myself where I want to hide myself from everyone, do not want to show my face around anyone, don't want to joke or express myself unconditionally with this reality. Really, it is a shitty point to go into and such a limiting experience and a waste of time for myself - both points actually - feeling good about myself and feeling bad about myself are both wastes of time because I am not actually here with myself breathing, within the positivity I will have this idea that I am but it really isn't true as it need not come through a thought or an idea but as a lived expression of myself.

The point where this starts is the positive point of myself where I believe or perceive myself to have changed a point within myself and believe that I am `past` and forever done with that point in an absolution and in this create a positive idea of myself, so when that point exists or I see that point coming up then I now see that I am to stop that point from reverting into this state of negative judgment of myself

I commit myself to use the thoughts and/or experience of myself as being effective or having changed a point within myself or simply being good and feeling that I am on a high as a flag point to bring myself back down to reality and bring myself back here and in this I commit myself to apply self forgiveness in the moment that I see that the positive thoughts are coming up so that I do not allow myself to continue within the point for too long which would lead to a crash soon enough, and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here in breathing and in awareness, making sure that nothing is moving inside of me specifically points of positivity in relation to having changed or transcended a point within myself or of being effective or believing that I am expanding myself

I commit myself to being aware of when I go into the beliefs of being effective and not allow myself to simply accept them because they are surrounded by positive energy, but to question them equally as I would the negativity and ask myself, are these thoughts real, am I the creator of them? Meaning did they just pop up out of no where or what it a `real` thought in relation to looking at myself in/as who I am in each moment, but in these I mean even if I am effective then to live that point and make sure that it is lived and not a positive ideal of myself. Thus I commit myself to cross reference these beliefs and ideas of myself of being effective or have changed a point by taking a look for myself and making sure that as I am looking there is no positive movement within me.

I commit myself to move moment by moment, meaning not allowing myself to go into this state of belief of being effective or having changed a point but simply move with whatever is here within a single moment and take each point that comes up within me, both positive and negative as opportunities to ground myself and remove ideals of myself, in this I commit myself to not be hard on myself for having repeated a pattern or gone back into a pattern that cycles throughout my life, but to take that point as an opportunity to see where I allowed the thoughts to exist that are in direct relation to the cycling point and then use that as an opportunity to give myself more of an awareness of myself and/or to make sure that if a thought comes up to go into a cycling point to make sure that I am absolutely clear within the activity or point, meaning assess myself in self-honesty - checking in myself that if I do go into that point that I will not repeat the same pattern but change the pattern and habit and starting point of myself within the cycling pattern so it became a different pattern a pattern that I choose to create in relation to what is best for all.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Day 517 - Re-cycling Points Part 2

In the last post I did I can see that I was in a reaction towards the point of the re-cycling points and what I have found fascinating or interesting is that if you take a look at it I am not specific in my actions, I did not write out exactly what was going on or what triggered points within me and this is a signal for me to check out within myself because it shows that 1, I am judging myself for that which I was participating in and 2. I still have this idea about what it is to be a good person or a bad person within process as a whole.

So specifically what went on within that day was playing video games for an extended amount of time. In this I slacked on doing SRA, something that I had planned to apply myself within in that day and I had also slacked on my effectiveness within the blog that I was writing that day, from my perspective at least, and from taking a look at who I was within that moment where I was writing the blog simply to get it done rather than investigating and searching within myself for what is coming up in relation to the point of money and morality and walking effective self-forgiveness on it. In this point I was judging myself and reacting with self hate and self-loathing - why? Because I saw those points as bad and saw myself diminishing myself via allowing myself to resort to a comfort zone of playing video games rather than allowing myself to take a look at the thought of wanting to play the video games and then breathing and making an agreement/commitment with myself to stop focusing on those thoughts, bring myself here and take a look at what is coming up within myself regarding the blog and regarding SRA and overall bring myself back here and take a look at who I am in each moment. So like I was reacting to my limitations that I have accepted myself to remain in over the years and I was reacting to allowing myself to limit myself and diminish myself rather than expanding and exploring myself of which I have defined as good and bad respectively.

Now the point of judging myself for the limitations that I have accepted from myself was/is a point that emerges a lot within my process, where I have often reverted back or resorted to the things that I am comfortable with, the things that I know about and the things which I have become accustomed to and I have had a large resistance to pushing past my comfort zones, just because it is a point within me - like really, I don't see like a reason for the large resistance lol - like no justification for the large resistance other than fears and beliefs of what will happen if I move past my comfort zone or stop participating in that which I have become accustomed to or used to such as video games etc. which is quite a limitation because moving out of my comfort zones within what/as I know and am used to is where I become stagnant in my application so the point that I was reacting to was falling back into those limitations and falling back into my comfort zones where no self expansion comes through and my exploration of myself is limited because I am stuck and limiting myself to staying within those comfort zones. I reacted to allowing myself to limit myself and reacted to allowing myself to fall back into the same patterns.

As I wrote in the past this point of self judgment has become really easy for me to go into and this point of self judgment is in relation to ideas about process or ideas of who I need to be within process or what process is and then in this define myself as being good or bad based on whether or not the idea of myself is aligned to the ideas of what I need to be in relation to process, so that point is like a really shitty point for myself because I am constantly relating myself to whether or not I am allowing myself to fall behind in those ideals and whether or not I am `good` in relation to those ideals which is not necessary because I hold myself in this point of stress and tension because I am trying to keep myself within those ideals or get myself back to them if I believe that I have fallen in living up to those ideals. So like these ideals are something that I believe that are what process needs to be or who I need to be in relation to process, like I must be always pushing through my limitations and if I accept them once then I am a bad person and I mean I have layered this point of self judgment for quite a while throughout my life and so if I slip within one moment the judgment is triggered quite quickly so this whole point I will be taking on in writing in the coming blogs as it is one that really wastes my time, like spending so much time and energy becoming emotional about something that is an illusion is like the most limiting thing that I can think of at the moment lol, which is kinda funny to look at meaning that I think that I am wasting my time with playing video games or remaining within comfort zones but the real waste of my time is the emotions that I go into and how long I spend going the self-judgment and self-hate.

So I will continue on with this point in the coming blogs

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Day 516 - Re-Cycling Points

Depression is a point that sucks. I've gone through it quite often within my life and it re-emerges every now and then and today was/is a day that it has emerged. It emerged today because yesterday I was feeling unimpressed with my application of myself within process, like as I was writing the blog I wasn't absolutely here, writing all that I saw within the point, nah, I mean I was in the same point as I have been previously where I am writing from the starting point of simply jut doing it rather than being here and applying myself within that which I am writing, like living my utmost potential with writing. So today the point continued over into the morning where I was not directive of myself in the morning, like I was bouncing around without direction to do anything so I ended up deciding to sleep for a while, same usual pattern. At the time of the lack of direction I was finding it difficult to breathe and bring myself back here to give myself something to do, because I saw that the point was a decision to follow through within something, a decision to direct myself to do something, like go biking or write or, you know, anything really. So I was fumbling around within that point in myself and so I decided to sleep because I was still not giving myself direction - like this point was continuing over from yesterday because within the time that I was writing my blog I was not here nor in real direction of myself within the point, just doing things for the sake of doing them without real awareness of the point.

So today the point of depression came up. In the depression I was seeing myself as being depressed and seeing myself being able to move through it, like I saw the fact that if I write it out and I apply myself then I am able to bring myself out of the depression because it was absolutely related to the point of applying myself. There was also the wants to just avoid the point and hope that it would go away. Like if I distract myself then it will simply go away once I find motivation to again be ere within myself and apply myself, like really take a look at what it is that I am applying myself within and be diligent within writing myself out.

As I take a look at the point what I see is that I am the creator of my depression. Yesterday there was a choice within myself, although I wasn't completely aware of it, to not stop myself within the points of distraction that were hindering me from being competent within writing and taking a real look at what I was writing and stand here within myself and apply forgiveness with myself, I mean there was a choice in the say to not be diligent in my application of myself yesterday, and then this point of depression comes in where the depression is more like a self hate and a self loathing and a self pitying for allowing myself to go into the point of not really applying myself. And from what I can I mean that point is really useless like why should I be depressed that I am not applying myself, I mean I am the say within that choice and I am the direction of/as that choice so there is no real point to be depressed other than to pity myself for not being diligent in my application which is complete shit really. This point has opened up quite a few times and what I would do previously is allow the continuation of the ignorance of the depression that I was going through and then like give up all care for myself and all care for the world which would then spiral the point and make it much bigger than what it was in the first place. So I mean, I cannot allow myself to, for one moment, fuck around with my application and allow myself to deliberately not effectively apply myself within that which I am doing, I need to be here within that which I am doing or this point is going to again come up and really, in all seriousness, do not want to go down that path again because I really sabotage myself and sabotage all things in my life which is something that I, in self honesty, do not want for myself.

So taking a look at yesterday what spurred this point of not applying myself? Self interest spurred the point of not applying myself. I had thoughts running around in my mind of what it is that I would rather be doing in that moment instead of working on the blog, so in this also I see self-judgment and self-hate coming up within these points because I was aware of what I was doing within/as the point of wanting to go into points of self-interest rather than applying myself and I was aware that I was compromising myself within writing so like I went into this point of hating myself afterwards and in that point of self hate I didn’t want to support myself from there on, like didn't see myself as being worthy of being here and applying myself, I mean it is the same program that I have been dealing with and walking for quite some time in my life where I fuck up once or twice and then I go into this entire point of self hate and self-loathing then I start to give up on myself after a while of participating in the point. I mean there is one thought that sends me into this entire point and that one thought is "I don't want to do this right now" and then like I continue with doing it but I am not here with myself applying myself within the point, I am in the mind thinking about what it is that I really want to do - really want to do is in relation to self-interest and only coming up within the mind - then I don't apply myself with myself here and allow the point in which I am applying myself within to be compromised and affected by my level of participation with myself. It is that one thought that leads me down this path, that one thought that has a lot of built up layers around and that one thought that affects my entire participation within what it is that I am doing in a given moment.

So I am going to take a few blogs to write this point out further and investigate it more thoroughly so that I can really get down to the bottom of this point and support myself within stopping myself from allowing this point to continue on in my reality

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Day 515 - Money Morals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a moral point around the spending of money, defining what is right and what is wrong to spend money on when the definition or belief system or idea system regarding what is right or wrong within spending money is non-existent, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to check who I am within spending money, like what is my reasoning and starting point behind the purchase and then in this assess whether or not the starting point will assist and support myself within expression or expansion of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I spend money on, defining certain points of spending money as being bad and other points as being good or acceptable, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply apply self honesty within/as each purchase that I make and within each decision that I make in regards to spending money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression with money due to holding and creating a point of morality around money where I wring my head over if it is right or if it is wrong to spend money on a point within this reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within money there is no right or wrong, the only real point that is worth noting or mentioning within money is who self is within money; self honesty within money, so checking whether or not I am within a point of greed, or whether or not I am in a point of reckless spending and then from there assessing whether or not it is practical to spend money in that moment rather than a point of morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money within a point of morality which limits my expression rather than realizing that it is a point which can expand my expression within this world and expand all people's expressions and livelihoods within this reality, like considering the person who spends their money on alcohol to escape the life that they are leading such as impoverished conditions money here is a point which can expand their expression wherein as they receive money for their reality and become more satisfied with their reality and expand/express themselves within money rather than diminish their expression via spending money on alcohol.

I commit myself to stopping the questioning of whether or not spending money on a purchase is right or wrong and to rather look at who I am within the point of spending money like checking if it is a point within me which will assist and support a point within my reality to then assist and support myself.

I commit myself to be honest with myself in who I am within a point of purchase, meaning simply check who I am within the moment, what I am looking at within the point of the purchase and whether or not the point of purchase is a point that is reckless spending or a point of simply wanting a new or better gadget and whether or not the point of purchase is `worth` it meaning does it have a practical point to assist and support myself within this reality.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Day 514 - Money and Morality

Continuing from yesterdays post regarding money and morality

In yesterdays post I was writing about the point that is existent within me regarding morality and money and I ended up writing, "There are more practical things that I could've spent money on" but in those words there was points of self judgment and as I was writing the blog there was judgment coming up within me as I was writing it as well and I mean judgment is based on a polarity system of good and bad and in this morality also exists as a close tie in within judgment so as I was writing the blog I was noting that point of self judgment were coming up in relation to spending money on things that I had not defined as practical, basing my judgments on things such as what is right or wrong within spending money, such as spending money on food, clothing, shelter, etc are good, ah, but they aren't even `good` within me they are simply ok or acceptable; and the luxuries for one's life such as entertainment and fashion and gadgets etc are bad as they are only points of self interest or points that don't contribute to a better world for all or `improve` my living in any way or aspect. So this meant and means that there are is still the point within me that needs to be corrected within morality and spending money, like spending money is wrong or the existence of money is wrong and I am a bad person for using money to give myself a `treat` when there are people starving in this world, when there are people who go days without eating, when there are people who cannot afford the luxuries in life, and thus this makes me a bad person or morally wrong for spending money on gadgetry, electronics, rather than the necessities.

What I have created for myself here is a definition of what money is and what/how money should be spent in relation to good and bad or right or wrong, but as I saw yesterday this point is not real and non-existent within the physical reality, there is no right or wrong within what self spends money on, what I see within money is that there are points of consideration such as, do I have a stable income, will I be able to pay for the necessities if I spend money on this point, what do I intend to do with this point, am I going to use it and get my `money's` worth for lack of a better term, am I just going to chuck it away within a year, etc, like those are practical points to consider as if they are improperly looked at within one's reality then they will have consequences that compromises one's existence and leads to shitty consequences for this reality.

A point that I am struggling with at the moment is the waste point, where much of what we are spending our money on is becoming waste for this world and is really creating a problem for all living things in this reality, take the great pacific garbage patch for example, and in this there is the point within me that is holding onto the point of morality via the belief that what I spend my money on within/as luxuries is simply a waste and doesn't lead to a better world for all. So let's open up that point

Why is the waste such a problem? The waste is such a problem due to planned obsolescence, where products are deliberately made to have a short life span until it either breaks down or a newer version comes up which makes the older version incompatible and useless causing garbage, so here the point is profit, the existence of the point of profit is a large factor that leads to garbage. Even with the packaging that products come in, profit is the motivator behind the packaging because plastic is really cheap to use and leads to a point of maximum profits. So in this greed is a factor in which is causing the environmental disaster that is our garbage, so yes, as I participate within the world system and money within buying things then I am contributing to the garbage in this world, that is a point to simply accept and realize that I don't have absolute control over that point, I cannot, alone, change that one point, I can work on solutions with a group of people that create that solution but me alone cannot change that point and thus there is no point in fretting or ringing my head out over that point, it simply is, there are solutions, so cool. (Living Income Guaranteed)

The question to really ask myself is who was I within that point of purchasing? I had a point come up within myself where I saw that I was looking to express myself within playing games, I saw myself on the bed relaxing and being comfortable with myself allowing myself to enjoy playing a game that I was interested in. So I took a look at what/how I am able to create that point for myself, and there was a deal on so I took that as an opportunity to create that point for myself. I do see that I am/was able to be cool with what I have here in relation to playing video games, meaning I have a computer that I can play video games on and in which I do have video games on, but not the ONE that I was interested in lol. So that point played a crucial role within the purchase, the fact that I WANTED that one game and saw that it was not for the computer but for consoles more so. I do see that I could have removed that point of WANTING, but what was within this wanting? I was wanting a point of comfort and expression within myself that I have not been giving myself much since I returned home which is the point of comfort and relaxation and I saw it as a cool point to express this point within, like allow myself to relax with myself on my bed and wind down via playing a game and have nothing else going on in those moments.

So am I cool with the purchase? Absolutely, I enjoy the point of expression and comfort with myself as I allow myself to relax and enjoy playing a video game every now and then, like there is no point in holding or defining my purchases within a point of morality as it only allows me to limit my expression within this reality because I mean I was limiting myself within the mind as I was running through the point of morality in thoughts and judgments of myself, there are points to consider within will it have affects on other points within my life that money is also the method of direction of, and overall the self-judgment and morality are not useful or purposeful and is not adding to my expression in this world, but only limiting it.

I will walk a process of Self Forgiveness and Self Correction statements within the next blog

Monday, September 8, 2014

Day 513 - The Difference Between Right and Wrong

Today a point came up within my reality regarding morality which is essentially right and wrong. So a new game came out for many mediums but the one medium that I have it did not come out for and a company had the game and a medium bundled together as a promotional offer for the game, so I took a look at myself within the point and saw that it was a point that I wanted to express within myself - like sitting down on my bed and enjoying playing the video game for a while - allowing myself to relax for a bit and expressing this point within myself of/as a want to play a video game in a comfortable setting. So obviously with most things in this world money comes into play at some point at the money that I would be spending on this product was `above` average for me, like I wouldn't go out and easily spend this money on a point usually I would have reservations within myself regarding what I could spend my money on otherwise, so as I was looking at that point within myself - like whether or not I should spend my money on it I went into this point of morality, like is it right or wrong to spend my money on this point when there are other things that I could spend my money on, am I like making a right choice within this matter? Like really the question came down to am I doing the right thing?

So as this point was coming up within the mind I also noticed so many excuses and limitations based on this point, like it was a midnight sale due to the release of the game in the morning and I doubted that I would get a place in line or that the line up would be huge and that I would just be waiting there for a long time to not get what I went there for, but I also saw that this point was a limitation because I could show up early and wait for a while for the store to open and like create the best possible opportunity for myself to get the game and the system but as I was looking at that within the mind and noting that these are only excuses and justifications coming up within myself as to why I should not go out and purchase this point for myself, I saw that my body was being restricted from this point because it was one simple limitation that I was accepting from myself and that was morality - like I didn't walk through the point of morality at that moment when I was noting the excuses and justifications and so as I noted them I was still like paralyzed from actually making a decision because I was still caught up within the game of right and wrong.

After a while of this point running around in the mind I asked myself why the fuck is it creating so much commotion within me? And then I took a step back from it and I saw that I was like limiting myself from expressing myself within this point due to the idea of what is right and what is wrong in relation to spending money - yes there are practical things to consider within each purchase such as the funds within one's bank account and whether or not it would compromise self within paying bills or within like maintaining the points of responsibility that need to be maintained via money, I mean those are practical things to consider within purchasing luxuries, but there is no right or wrong. I mean the way that I saw the point within myself is that it is a point that I would like to express with myself and enjoy myself within and that I saw myself enjoying the point and I also saw myself not abusing the point, not taking it for granted but using it responsibly, meaning like not spending all my time playing a video game and still completing that which I need to do within the day and getting all my points done within a day - it was simply a point that I saw myself being able to express with myself when/as I have the time each week or each day or whenever the time comes up, so I mean all points within who I am in relation to the purchase were clear except for that one point of morality, of believing that it is wrong to go out and purchase a video game system and play video games lol, but it is not, there is no morality existent within the movement of money. Yes there are more `practical` things that I could have purchased in that moment yet again - I mean those words right there are a point of self-judgment within it; comparing what is right within spending money or wrong within spending money and what needs to be purchased and what doesn't need to be purchased based on morality and these ideas of right and wrong within money based on `practicality` rather than self expression within this world and how I would like to live here with myself in relationship to myself and this world. After I saw the morality point I simply asked myself, is this something that I would like to express with myself? And the answer was yes so I went out to the store earlier so I could assess the line and see how big of a lineup there was and there was like 6 people there which again, showed me that I was using the projection of the idea that there was going to be a big line up to limit myself from expressing this point with myself.

Looking at the entirety of the point what matters within the point and each point within this reality is who you are within it, meaning that if I was still the teenager I was where I was spending like 6 hours a day on video games than the who I am within that point would be abusive of the point as I would certainly compromise other points within my reality because I would be spending an enormous amount of time on playing video games rather than working on the other points within my reality, so like who we are within what we do is the point to look at and use as a relation point to create a decision


So I still see that there are movements within me regarding this point of money and morality in which there has been definitions of what is right and what is wrong to spend money and I will open this point up further within the next blog

Thanks for Reading.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Day 512 - Fearing the Negative Never Leads to Solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the things that I define as negative within myself such as jealousy or hatred or anger or depression or sadness within a quantum moment - suppress them within a quantum moment, like noting that they are coming up yet not wanting to define myself as them so I push them away in fear of becoming them, I will like actually push them back into the mind, like as they come up within me I will stuff them down inside of me in order for me to not face them within a quantum moment and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand that the negative aspects of myself are points of me which are able to offer insight and clarification into myself and that they don't need to be suppressed and stuffed down within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and run away from the points that I have defined as negative within me, or having a negative impact on my reality and try my best to not live them or become them because I fear to consequences, but in this not realizing that I am actually manifesting them to come out in my physical behaviour and living because as I suppress it I am not facing it so the body and the mind are going to show me that part of myself by getting it out physically so that I can look at it, like force it into my face so that I can see the point and face it, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply face the negative points within myself or that which I have defined as negative, well more so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define points of myself as negative and as positive, defining hatred, anger, lust, greed, arousal, sadness, depression etc, as negative and define love, happiness, enjoyment, joy, expression, acceptance as points that are positive which is tainting the definition of the word and tainting my understanding of the word because there is a veil of judgment placed upon each word which I clearly have not directed within myself that is stopping me from seeing the word as myself clearly - so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions and feelings as being either positive or negative and in this define how I want to live in relation and association to the words positive and negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the things that I have defined as bad within my life instead of exploring how it is that I am living them and how and what it is that I am not giving myself within this lifetime which is usually the reason that they exist within the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress negative emotions that I fear will have an impact on my reality and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate all things equally, all emotions and feelings equally, all points that come up within myself equally and come to an understanding within myself as to why they are coming up and why they are existing the way that they are existing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress points that I have defined as negative within myself out of the fear that they will control my life and have an impact on my life, not realizing that I am actually manifesting them having control over my life because I am not directing them, I am not standing one and equal to them, I am standing in fear (inferiority) to them which is giving my power to direct and decide who I am in relation to them away to the emotions themselves because as I fear them I am doing nothing about them other than suppressing them

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see and understand that fearing the negative things within myself and/or this reality is useless because it does not give me an opportunity to understand them nor investigate them and find solutions to them

I commit myself to do my best to stop the really quick movement of a reaction of fear when a point that comes up within my reality that I have defined as negative and in this moment give myself the opportunity, if the fear does come up, to take a look at what it is that I am fearing about the point in relation to affecting my reality or myself or self expression and use that moment as an opportunity to further understand and debunk the points of negativity to support myself in this reality and understand myself within this reality.

I commit myself to do my best to bring back the thought or bring back the emotion if I go into a point of suppression and fear and release myself from the movement of fear and see the emotion and in this breathe, stand equal to the point, make sure that there is no judgement from myself for the point coming up and if there is apply self forgiveness on the judgment then from there work with the point to investigate it and understand it

I commit myself to walk myself out of any judgment if it comes up when I see a point that I have defined as negative coming up within myself so that I am able to investigate the point and understand the point and bring myself to a solution in which doesn't exist when I react in fear and suppress it.