I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed with myself each time that I walk into this environment, because within this environment, all the memories and attached physictical stimuli is where I have hidden myself and allowed the `worst` to come out within me, and thus each time I walk into this house alone, become depressed at what I have to live with as me - because all my `secret worst moments` I have locked away within the environment and the stimuli within/as the memories as I see the image of the (house) environment - and by creating depression within that one moment, which was validated through the image of myself in/as the memories associated to the environment not being happy or satisfied with myself but always still keeping secret and hiding the worst aspects of myself, want to hide from the image that I saw as me in the memories implanted throughout the years into the environment, wherein I allow myself to run and escape via abuse of myself and indulgence in self interest, because I apparently feel depressed for the image I see in the memories each time I walk into this house. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to uphold and maintain an image of myself of `the best possible me in that moment` - image wise, and not who I am as the best possible myself in each moment, forever attempting to maintain the best possible image of myself while remaining, in secret, keeping the memories that I have kept in which I am ashamed of, and bare to live with myself for; create illusory realities via the self interest and entertainment to escape and run from the memories, while maintaining the memories in my lives actions, alone, `in secret`, in which I've failed to realize there is no secret when it comes to life; consequences can always be traced back to the creator, meaning the input is possible to be found hell that we all experience day to day, considering more than just human life, but the hell that we are creating globally and has required a group effort between each human to create this hell, and forgiving myself for living as an image I am trying to uphold, and face the memories of the past in which I am attempting to avoid but cannot because I have allowed myself to create them and see them and not forgive them - allowing myself to become affected by that which I have not forgiven in myself.
via the output, because they equal each other, and thus the things that I've hidden of myself within/as the memories that I am ashamed of and have implanted within the physical image stimuli of this house environment I will have to face at death, or here now, in each breath, tracing back the memories of myself in/how I have accepted myself to live this way, with failing to see the responsibility that I hold as a human being to this earth, as an equal participant to this hell, equal participant in the creation of this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the responsibility that I have to take upon myself as an equal participant in the creation of this hell that we are living in, and realize that this hell is not set in stone, this hell is our creation because we are a hell itself, and thus we need to create ourselves within the standing principle of living what is best for all, and within allowing myself to walk one and equal to the responsibility needed to live in a better world walk the point of responsibility for myself living here, and stop waiting/fucking around while I still believe the `end` is far away so I still have `time` to fuck around before the end comes too close and it is `too late`, not seeing understanding realizing that it most likely is already too late for ourselves as we are climbing deeper and deeper into this clusterfuck of a mess of ourselves without actually taking a look at what we are living in each moment in regards to concern and care for all life on this earth as equal participants in the support or destruction of this earth/ourselves, thus there is no point in attempting to hold onto the image of myself and there is a point to take a look at myself and the output that I have created which is here in this world shown to myself in every breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand the responsibility that I have as a co-creator, co-participant of this world, and fail to see/realize/understand that if I am not living the point of responsibility for myself in my day to day living, I am not seeing what I require from myself to be responsible for this world, because if I did really see what it is going to require to birth heaven from this hell I would not fuck around in this lifetime and would immediately give up self interest to support creating a world that is best for all, and change myself into living what is best for all, and in seeing this responsibility, not allow myself to be affected by the memories that I have stored away in the physical imprint of the image of this environment and cause depression as the memories come back in one fell swoop each time I enter this environment, but would forgive myself in/as those memories for not seeing what is required of myself in living application to participate in birthing a world where the rights of life are honoured unconditionally between all species and races, in which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed, but in the shame not change, of the memories that I have hidden away within myself and the environment, but cannot hide from as I face them each time I am alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face the memories in which I am ashamed of and forgive myself for holding onto them via emotions and feelings related to those memories, and forgive myself that I have not released myself from the memories via forgiveness for myself in/as them, realizing that they are no longer me, the memories are all but that - just a moment in the past and not real living here in each breath - the only thing that makes them `real` is my participation in them and the allowance from myself to be affected by the emotions and feelings that I have created towards them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep these memories of myself secret and locked away such as who I was within the participation in the memories - meaning that as I was alone and in secret, when I could be alone with myself I would allow the `secret` parts of myself to come out and live within/as the secrets of myself, the parts of myself that I do not show to the public, and in keeping them secret, keeping my acts secret, allow the shame unto myself build up within myself because I allow the memories to continue to remain secret and have not allowed myself to look at myself in/as the memories and apply effective self forgiveness for myself in/as them, but have only allowed myself to attempt to run away from the memories via self interest and attempting to create various personalities and characters of myself which I am `comfortable` with showing the public - putting on a face within the public and attempting to support an image that I want to be seen as.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one with myself in/as the memories that I ashamed of myself within and forgive myself for the shame, forgive myself for feeling guilty, forgive myself for bearing a burden of keeping secrets within myself, and stand here with myself in/as the memories in each moment - meaning to be ok with the memories via forgiveness and corrective action/application of myself, and in this be able to face myself when I am alone as the memories hold no impact or affect upon myself as I am alone and can face myself and remain in breath in constant forgiveness of myself in/as the memories until I no longer gold onto them or hold any guilt or shame or fear about them being exposed/seen by others, and in this not needing to perpetually impress an image of myself onto others to impress others, but can stand here with myself infinitely, eternally, in each inhale and exhale in forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live within the responsibility that I see that I have unto myself for that which I have created as myself and stick to writing, investigation, patience and breath so that I am able to understand myself and walk through these limitations that I have accepted myself to live within which are the memories that I hold onto and continuously allow myself to be affected by, let go and move on in the realization of the responsibility needed by myself and each other within/as this world to create/birth a world that lives and regards the best living conditions for all life living here on this earth equally
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the memories that I am ashamed of, and in this fear create personalities and characters in order to hide that which I am ashamed of within myself, and when seeing the memories react in the fear and run into self interest, run into distractions, run into avoidance of facing these memories of myself and run away from correcting them
I commit myself to practicing walking through the depression of/as the memories that I have connected to the environment here, and have connected to myself being alone, and in practice start applying myself more and more to walk myself out of this cluterfuck of a mess that I have created as myself to see what is actually here and to be here with life in breath and not in the mind in thought/emotion/feeling/memory
I commit myself to rededicating myself to walking practically this mess of myself that I have created via allowing memories that I am ashamed of affect me and to forgive them each time they arrive in breath and to, in time as I have wholly forgiven them, let them go and no longer allow myself to be affected by the emotions and feelings that I have connected to them and thus stop re-living the memories over and over again thus allowing myself to really recreate myself.
I commit myself to when/as I walk in this environment alone and the memories that I am ashamed of come up and want to hide from to stop and take a moment to myself bring myself here with myself alone and stand in forgiveness of myself in/as those memories and to not haunt myself within the memories or to allow the memories to haunt myself in which I've created different personalities to avoid and not haunt myself with - meaning create different personalities in different situations so that I can `be` something else instead of accepting of my past and standing in forgiveness of my past
I commit myself to practicing being here with myself alone, like really seeing myself here alone and not going into the mind in fantasy or imagination to avoid being here with myself and avoid facing myself here in this life that I have lived thus far, and see myself, direct myself, and walk with myself in/as forgiveness and correction