Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Day 554 - The Relationship With Myself

As I have been establishing and working on this point of relationships with others and the relationship with myself a few cool things have been coming up that I have been noticing. The first point that I have been applying in relation to others is letting go of the want of positivity within communication or within interaction and allowing myself to remain stable and honest with myself when communicating with others. So like previously, within the point of dependency on others within relationships, I was looking for and allowing myself to go into points of positivity while communicating, and in these points of positivity I was basically allowing myself to be directed by this energy - like I was often depressed within my life and often just unhappy with points so I would look towards others for this point of positivity in communication and basically place a dependency of emotional support onto them within/as relying on the other person for positivity.

As I was stating I have been working on this point, being simple in my expression and being here within myself as I speak and interact with people - like I remove the starting point of looking for positivity in talking to people so that I can open up something else within myself and within them and that point is self honesty. Recently there have been quite a bit of interviews coming out in relation to self honesty and communications within relationships and being honest with ourselves in writing out a point of being honest with ourselves within relationships and communications so that we share ourselves and get to know another - so this point of positivity, or this point of becoming a joking character or something similar is a point in which I have not been honest with myself within, I put on a personality to suppress negative points going on within myself, and then I will rely on those relationships to suppress the points of negativity or self honesty that are within me and go into a positive point.

Look, what I have been focusing on is being here with myself - like I had the tendency to immediately go into the starting point of positivity in communication with other people and actually go out and look for those things within my environment - look for people whom I can create that point with, but now what I am working on and focusing on within is breathing lol, and being here with the physical body and in the physical environment - like doing my best to remain aware of my face and the eyes specifically and keep myself focused on that inward point - cause what I have previously done is always place my focus and attention out there on other people rather than here on myself within what it is that I would like to give myself in that moment or what I would like to direct myself within in that moment, or how I would like to express myself within a moment, so this point of relationships and developing one with myself has been quite a cool adventure because I am finding myself more stable throughout the day because I am not accessing these personalities when/as I look at someone else, I am more consistent and constant in my behaviour and I am surprised to see that I am really just not that playful as I have been in the past - I am more serious and simple in my expression; I am not as afraid to stand alone - there are certainly still points to perfect within the fear of standing and/or being alone in this lifetime but overall I am satisfied with myself in this point and my application of myself within this point.

On focusing on the physical body and myself within the physical I have allowed myself to give myself back to myself and to not allow the mind in/as personalities to influence me as much - I am able to stand here with another and hear there words and not access a personality of conformity - like if someone is making a face of laughter at the beginning of their sentence I would usually mimic that point in them in the expectation that they are going to say something funny and basically go into a personality in that moment - now since I have not heard the entire point that they are speaking I remain stable until I hear the whole point that they are speaking so I see that laughter face and I see the want to mimic it and go into that personality design but within breathing and remaining stable here in the body I have much less of a tendency to go into that personality which is so nice lol - it is a relief because I am stopping myself from putting on these characters to follow another person - I am much more stable within/as standing on my own and in this I am also giving myself a purpose each day or each time - meaning I was previously looking for a purpose or a point to live outside of myself - looking for someone to give me direction as I have written in previous blogs, and now as I stand here with the body, looking within/as the body and myself and slowing myself down I am giving myself movement and direction from/as the physical rather than the mind and this point leads me into the next point that I am walking within my life which is purpose and not allowing myself to wait around for direction or wait for a point of stimulus to come up in which I will then direct myself.

As I stated there are still points to walk within this point of developing the relationship with myself because I still notice that there are points within the day and within my interactions where I still have backchat coming up in relation to my expression and in relation to the words that I choose and when I go into a character of fear of standing on my own so these points I will continue to work on and correct each day - making sure that I do my best to be aware of when/how I go into the character of fear of standing on my own and when I have backchat or judgment of myself coming up.

Look, previously I was afraid to stand on my own and to walk this life alone - looking for and wanting someone to be by my side or hold my hand through the choices that I make and the things that I have to do such as working and in this fear looked towards points of positivity within relationships and within other mediums and now I have allowed myself to step into that fear and bring myself back here within myself - allowing myself to face the fear, allowing myself to step out of looking for positivity and be here with myself within the fear, breathe and direct myself so I would suggest the same process for another individual if they are facing the same point - give yourself back to yourself by taking out the energy and bring yourself back to the physical reality in the physical body and work on that point, maintain self awareness within the physical.

Thanks for reading

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Day 553 - Time on a Golden Platter

I am going to take a moment out of walking the relationship pattern that I have been investigating to write about a point that came up recently

I was driving home listening to my mp3 player on random and an interview by Anu came up called investing in your process. Now this interview was about responsibility within process, and the responsibility that we have within process. As he states within the interview responsibility is usually something that is feared, something that is not yet effectively understood and many of us will have reactions towards hearing the word of responsibility within process, and many excuses of having a job or having busy lives to the extent that we cannot work on process as much as we'd `like` to. Now this is true to the extent that we cannot place ourselves in the public eye as much as we want to but look, everything is a part of process, all points of life are a part of process.

Look, the point of responsibility has been an issue of mine for a REALLY long time where I have not been absolutely responsible for myself in apply self forgiveness when moments come up in which it is necessary to, and I have been in this point of feeling obligated towards writing or towards blogging or simply towards taking responsibility for my emotions or taking responsibility for directing myself through points or directing my reality the way that I would like to direct it, so like I would resist apply self forgiveness in the car while driving to work and basically only apply myself within writing when I felt obliged to but even then I did not take in the information that I was writing/seeing and live it effectively, so within the interview Anu was talking about this point of responsibility and what it creates within our lives and how a lot of stress can come from this point of worrying about time because within/as seeing the writing or process as a whole as an obligation or something that is forced onto us we then start to look for this me time and worry about the time that we have to spend working or writing and in this not give it our `all` within a point, we kind of sit on the edge and not commit ourselves fully towards taking responsibility for any thought or any reaction that comes up, but rather suppress it and/or wait until we have time to sit down and write it out to apply self forgiveness or to apply self corrective actions and then wait until we come across that point again to change, in this still dreading the point of writing because it still feels forced onto ourselves that we need to walk process.

I have been in that point of feeling like process is an obligation, only recently did I take it upon myself to apply self forgiveness when in the moment and start to take immediate responsibility for the emotions rather than suppressing them for a bit until I write and try and make myself seem like everything is ok, and since making that change within myself; fuck are things different now lol. I am not worried about time, not worried about putting so much time into working long hours, not worried about having to go 3 days straight doing nothing but work and sleeping, and overall feel more stable with myself as I have taken on this point of responsibility for myself in every moment - like using up the small moments as points of support - using the time within work as points of support for myself - apply sf quietly for anything going on and work on a correction within that moment rather than waiting for time to come where I can write something it out.

There was a small phrase within the interview which is the title of this blog "time on a golden platter" and man this point is true. I am not stressed out about time or stressed out about `having` to put in work in relation to process or writing or applying sf, or stressed out over a point that I am walking through - so in this time has been `compressed` because it is within every moment that I am able to take responsibility for process and take responsibility for myself within the mind - so like what I am putting out here is that a massive change happens within self when we take responsibility for ourselves within process and take responsibility for the process that we've decided to walk things become a lot `easier` so to speak and life becomes less stressful. In this if anyone is still walking on the edge of taking responsibility for process I'd say to just take that leap and work on applying sf within a moment and to take the responsibility of applying process in each moment cause no matter what we're doing within our lives or have going on within our lives process is life, process is within every moment and not just within the moments that we have to write or attend chats or to support people - so in this there was a point of checking who you are within what you're doing rather than what it is that you're doing - like it doesn't matter what you do it matters who you are within what you do.

Here is the link for the interview (https://eqafe.com/p/investing-in-your-process-reptilians-part-327)

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Day 552 - Fear of Walking Alone SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking this lifetime alone without guidance and without direction, like depending on myself entirely to direct and guide myself within the system or within the path that I aim to take, in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize is that this fear is connected to not understanding the workings of the system or how to properly organize myself within the system to get the best possible results or and also dependent on the information that I have of the system and the information of how to walk the path that I have and since I don't have that information or enough of that information there comes the fear of walking alone and also comes the want to walk with someone - someone whom I can rely on to direct me and/or take responsibility for me within/as my decisions - something or someone that I can `fall` back on if I end up falling, but in this I am not developing self trust to catch myself when/if I fall or to rely on myself to gather the effective information on where/how to direct myself within the system

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in order to move myself through this fear the only thing that I really need to do is to walk this life alone - making my own decisions based on the information that I have and allowing myself to fall when/if I do fall and picking myself back up within the trust of learning from my mistakes and not making them again, and that to walk alone within gathering effective information on what path I am taking is my own responsibility - it is not someone else's responsibility that they are able to walk for me - therefore I must do it alone regardless, I cannot rely on someone else to be the directive of me because they are not me and it is also quite unfair for another person to take on the responsibility of me when they have themselves to direct and be responsible for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait around for another person to give me direction when/as they take a look at my life - allowing myself remain in this state of limbo, of not being completely decisive upon a point that I would like to move on and thus then waiting, rather than giving myself the responsibility in looking at my own life and making that complete decision of where/how to direct myself within a point, walking through any fear of walking it alone, and in this allowing myself to develop and build a trust with myself and a security with myself to walk through any mistakes or to understand any mistakes that I make during the time that I walk and direct myself alone, and to also correct any mistakes that I make as I direct myself alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/understand or see that the only one that I really can trust to direct myself is myself because if/when/as a problem occurs within my life I am not going to have someone here with me to relay the problem to and thus I must create and develop this trust with myself via walking through the fear of walking alone - in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk into the fear of being alone within a task/assignment/direction within my life and have waited within my life to take responsibility for myself to direct myself.

I commit myself to push myself through this fear of being alone by simply walking the point within myself, like when/as I see a point in which I am afraid of walking alone, or doing something alone or directing myself without telling anyone or looking for approval for a point to direct myself within to stop, breathe, and push myself through that fear of being alone by simply going out and working on that task or directing myself within that point, standing here with myself and taking in the information that I need to direct myself within the point because I realize that if I wait around for approval of a point of direction or if I wait around for someone to direct me within that point that I am severely limiting myself and not allowing myself to stand within a point of self-trust and this I do not want for myself

I commit myself to separate myself from the fear of walking alone when/as I note that I am wanting to be around someone or wanting someone to be with me in order for me to direct myself within a point, and in separation from the fear, to breathe, stabilize myself the best I can, apply self forgiveness, and breathe and direct myself as I stand here with myself in the physical body, allowing myself to trust myself within the physical body and to direct myself around the physical so that I can learn about how the system works and how to operate myself best within the system

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Day 551 - Fear of Being Alone

The fear of being alone is another dimension that I have been looking into in relation to the who I am within relationships, and the fear of being alone or standing alone or standing by myself and leading myself is a point that I have been facing recently wherein I have seen and noticed that I am more of a follower - I mean this point has always been here but am starting to notice it more frequently because it is coming up and I am not denying it or suppressing it.

The fear of being alone manifests within this point of following another person in/as their expression or decisions in order to not be `alone` within the decisions that I make for myself or decide to stand alone within any perceptions or insights that I may have when speaking, so again, this point within relationships is a limiting point because I am not standing alone, not making decisions for myself and not allowing myself to lead myself within what I see and understand to be best for me and all people within a moment - meaning, it is best for me to work on MC's but within the relationships that I have created, I have allowed myself to follow another person within their actions or decisions instead breathing and separating myself from this experience within me and then go and work on the MC or something like that you know? Now this experience within me has quite a few dimensions to it that I outlined in Day 449 but the fear of being alone is quite a large factor because within the fear of being alone I am placing this reliance on the relationship and/or the other person to be the direction of myself, and in this giving my trust of myself up to another person which is misplacing trust.

The fear of being alone, as I see right now, is related to not trusting myself to direct myself, and therefore within the fear of being alone there is a reliance and dependency upon another person to direct me or for me to follow which isn't cool and something that I have been reacting to recently because there are things that I know I would really like to do for myself but as I allow myself to go into this construct I simply start to follow another in the fear of being alone, and like a thought will come up to write or to move away from the interaction within the relationship for a bit and I will resist that thought, you know, like go write or go test blood sugar or something along those lines, and I will resist that point because I fear directing myself within that moment, fear walking the point alone and/or being alone with myself within the point, which as I see it now is absurd, and it is also absurd that I have yet to question this experience and energy within me because I mean I can see it as being so obvious at the moment and yet I have allowed myself to follow the pre-programming in which I do not move myself for myself and stand within self-trust.

So I have been noticing this experience coming up more and more and what I have been applying myself within recently is when I see the experience coming up, along with the energy, I take note that I am wanting to remain around a person and not move myself due to the fear of being alone, and so I will take a look at what it is that I want to or aim to move myself within and how `being alone` is incorporated into it, and in this separate myself from the experience of wanting to hang around with the individual or group of people and let go of the fear of being alone or directing myself alone, take a breath and stabilize myself within any movement of emotion or fear that's coming up and direct myself in lieu of the fear of directing myself alone and basically walk into the fear, but for the most part the fear subsides because I understand what I am doing and how to do it, there are certainly points in which I need to direct myself alone that I have not done before but the application remains the same, do it anyways and push through the fear of walking alone within the point.

Regardless of the fear, the point here, for me, is to push through the fear of walking alone and simply do it because if I remain within this point of fearing directing myself alone then I will be stuck in a life that is not my `own` so to speak, more so walking a life of following someone else's or requiring someone to basically hold my hand throughout my life and as I walk it which is impractical, impossible, and not something that I want for myself at all, so in this I require myself to push myself into the fear of standing alone and basically do it, stopping myself from relying on relationships and developing and creating an effective relationship with myself

I will continue within the next post

Friday, February 20, 2015

Day 550 - Developing Effective Relationship With Self (Self Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for approval from another person in order to define myself within the point that they approve of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a comment or a joke or interact with a person from the starting point of wanting or looking for approval for my actions and in this defining myself by my actions or words and therefore looking for approval for `myself`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on relationships and people to define myself - looking for a person or group of people that I can relate to in order to define myself in relation to them - wherein I will look for ways and personalities in which I can relate to them and manipulate myself in order to relate to them rather than being honest with myself within what I want to do for myself to support myself or what I need to do in order to move myself effectively within this world and to walk the purpose that I have given myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as if I have been shut down or disapproved of or feel betrayed or believe myself to be unacceptable within that moment - that point of expression to be unacceptable, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply stand on my own and express myself within this reality simply with myself without looking for a reaction of positivity from another person, and in this move for myself, not allowing myself to compromise myself within/as looking for acceptance from another individual - meaning, to go and do the things that I need to do if/when/as a person wants to hang out when/as I do not have time, and in this stick to my own principles and stick with myself in self honesty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that looking for a relationship to depend on in which to define myself or follow the other person within/as their actions or personalities in order to be accepted yields absolutely no self trust or self acceptance, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for acceptance or approval of myself via another person rather than looking at myself and my actions and simply deciding if I approve of them myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and approve of myself simply by being here with myself simply expressing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on relationships and the interactions within them to define myself, rather than allowing the definition of myself = who and how I stand with myself to be the directive point of my interactions within relationships, you know, like not allowing the point of looking for approval to be the direction, but allowing me standing here with myself in self-honesty be the directing point of my interactions within relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for this point of approval within positivity, you know, like having this point of approval to be aligned with positivity and then look for positivity of myself within the point of approval and in this dictate and direct myself around each person differently to look for this point of approval and then feel positive about myself rather than allowing myself to speak self-honestly and interact with myself self-honestly

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that when I speak with another person I am only speaking with myself within another body and therefore looking for approval is quite irrelevant within our interactions, the only point that is relevant within this point of approval is standing here with my words, and simply speaking my words without energy, and without any other point moving around within the mind other than the words that I aim to speak within the conversation

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to speak with me in another body when interacting with people and in this simply check myself within my expression - checking if it is supportive or checking if it is best for all, and in this not check another person's reaction for approval or for acceptance - in this accepting myself within my expression in every moment as I express myself within the physical reality

I commit myself to working on this point daily within my interactions with people daily, allowing myself to focus on myself and doing what I need to do, and not looking for positive reactions within people or within reactions when interacting and communicating with them, simply allowing myself to be here, expressing myself unconditionally here with myself as all things around me, and allowing myself to accept myself here = not looking for approval of my existence or expression within another being, in this stopping myself from separating myself from my own expression and developing a trust and comfort being here with myself

Monday, February 16, 2015

Day 549 - Developing Effective Relationship With Self

A point that I have been looking at recently and walking through is who I am in relationships, not only within sexual relationships but also friendship relationships and relationships that occur at work and things like that. The who I am within relationships has been a follower rather than a self-director so there are a few points within this point that I have been walking, those points are: Looking for acceptance within relationships, fear of being alone, self direction and self respect, self judgment which then leads to me breaking off a relationship. Those are the points that I have seen so far but there might be more points opening up as I walk this point further and investigate myself within it further.

So within the first point; the acceptance within relationships. I have looked for acceptance within relationships both with intimate relationships and with friendships. What I do and who I am within the point is will make a joke or make a statement or something like that and in this look towards the other person for a reaction or facial expression of acceptance, like looking for the other person to accept a self definition of myself if/when/as I speak one or to accept `me` within/as laughing at a joke or something like that. So in this point of self acceptance I am looking for acceptance outside of myself within other people. I look for the approval of myself via another person's reaction towards what I say or what I do which is quite limiting of myself because, I mean, I am implicitly implying that I am not accepting myself and have looked for relationships wherein this point of acceptance is around a lot and if it isn't then I will go into a reaction towards myself of not feeling accepted or approved of the judge my expression and start to limit and suppress my expression.

What I see this comes back to is looking for peers to relate to so that I have this group of people or person around which I can `stand` with, so in this point of looking for acceptance I am looking for a group of individuals that will `accept` `me`, which is really the ego, like within looking for the acceptance from other people, I am looking for acceptance for a specific personality trait or a specific character that I go into, and like I said, if I the person reacts in a `negative` fashion then I will react within myself defining myself as not acceptable or something along the lines of that.

Obviously looking for acceptance within other people is futile because it doesn't allow me to stand stable within a definition that I have created for/as myself - not so much a definition, but more so like standing stable with myself in my expression of myself here. This point has been around for quite some time as I have allowed myself to embody the point of being insecure of myself due to certain self definitions that I have accepted from myself, and so with being insecure within myself, like not being stable with simply my own relationship with myself I have looked outside of myself for the approval of others in which to then be stable or accept myself in/as a certain expression, then like after a while, if I maintain this point of approval I will continue on with the character or personality and continue to define myself as that character or personality so long as it yields the results that I am looking for within that character or personality.

This is what I have been looking at recently because the reactions of suppressing myself and limiting my expression in the physical reality have been coming up more and more and I have been looking at why this is coming up. The point that emerged was this point of wanting for and looking for acceptance when I interact with other people.

What I have been working on is establishing a more effective relationship with myself in this point - like if I find something funny simply laugh about it with myself, and apply myself when/if/as I look for another person to approve of the laugh…like as I write this I find it laughable that I have allowed myself to go into such a point of insecurity with myself -like looking for simple points of acceptance and also not accepting the simple points within myself. So, like I stated, I am working on applying this point for myself, allowing myself to be here within the physical reality in the body and expressing myself here with myself in/as the body without the fear of judgment from others and also stopping the judgment of myself in my expression and allowing myself to be `free` within my expression, and to stop limiting myself here in reality from expressing myself, allowing me to be ok with simply expressing myself. In this as well I have applied myself within the point of stopping looking for specific reactions and flagging the point of when/as I look for a specific reaction from a person in/as a point of acceptance to assist and support myself to see and find the points wherein I allow myself to go into the mind and look for acceptance from another person - in that point I stand here with myself accepting myself within the expression.

What I am working towards within this point is to establish a relationship of trust with myself, wherein I can simply be here with myself and trust myself to express myself and to move myself without the need of a relationship to approve or direct me. In this to also remove dependency within relationships and allowing myself to depend on myself and trust myself within self movement.

So that is one dimension that I have been facing and investigating within who and how I am within relationships and also looking into the relationship with myself and establishing an effective relationship with myself here so that I am able to stand here with myself without judgment or insecurity and simply allow myself to express myself and move myself without looking for acceptance or approval from another person. I will write self forgiveness and self corrective statements in the next post and continue on with the other dimensions of who I am within relationships in further blogs. Thanks for reading

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Day 548 - Self Limiting Thoughts Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this experience of dread while entering work with `knowing` that I will be there for 12 more hours and within the thought about `how long` 12 hours is going to be, accept and allow this experience of dread within myself, accept and allow myself to become lazy, numb, and dull towards the world around me and my life, my self, and what I am working towards/within/as myself, basically allow myself to go into giving up on everything because I believe and go into the belief that I am living something that I absolutely do not want to live and am being forced to do something that I do not want to do, then in this like `clock` out of life, become dull and pay no attention to the world around me - just look to `get by` a certain amount of time so that I can start a different life, and in this, if I do not start a different life, basically give up on caring to make changes in my life that I want to see, and in giving up look for ways to escape and avoid reality and this experience within myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down when entering work and be here with the environment, myself, and what is immediately going on within the direct reality, not looking forward into time and creating this idea about how much time it is going to take to get through the day or night; simply allowing myself to be here moment by moment, focusing simply on what is here within a moment - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread `waiting` through the time that I have to work, waiting for the day to be done, waiting to get onto something else or waiting to do something that I would like, more specifically, just waiting, you know, like waiting for the time to be done, rather than just being here within the time that is here and leaving it at that - not looking into the future or waiting for something to be done or waiting to get to something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for time to pass until I start to move on something, like wait for the time of work to pass before I can do something else, or wait until I am starting school to move myself in a different direction or to change my experience of myself, or like wait for something in my world to change before I take responsibility for myself and my world - instead of taking that point here within myself and living responsibility in each and every moment that I work, each and every moment that I breathe.

Like within work, since I have been allowing myself to go into that specific energy of/as dread and displeasure towards working and living responsibility for my reality, I have not allowed myself to live responsibility in each and every moment - due to the acceptance of that experience of dread and even the acceptance of that experience of dread in relation to creating the idea of it around work is a point of not taking responsibility for myself because I am defining that experience on the outside reality - placing blame and responsibility on the outside reality rather than understanding that I, myself, am creating that experience of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to void all responsibility from myself for accepting and allowing an experience of dread to come up towards my life and in this experience of dread to not move myself within anything related to responsibility and just like sit within the experience of dread, not seeing or realizing that the experience of dread is not real, and that I am creating it within myself due to not wanting to take responsibility for the system or the world within the dimension of working for a company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience towards working for a company, an experience of dread, because I feel and believe and perceive that I have not chosen this life of working for myself, yet I have implicitly accepted it via the acceptance of the money system and therefore it is a point in which I need to stand in and walk in, not allowing the movements of money affect who I am or my self definition or what I apply myself within in this life.

I commit myself to working on not allowing myself to use emotional reactions to avoid working on other points within my daily life, and to work on applying myself here in every moment - giving myself self-direction to not become lazy or like slack within the tasks/duties that I have, both given to me and decided from myself - meaning work is a point that is given to me - writing is a point that I have decided for myself - and in each point apply myself within the principles that I have been living/working on that are within why it is that I participate within desteni

I commit myself to when entering work, be here with myself, not allow myself to go into the mind and think about how long it is going to take to get the job done or be done with the job, and if/when/as I do go into the thoughts regarding how long it is going to take to get the job done and go into an emotional experience within it, to stop, breathe, and bring myself back here in awareness, listen to the sounds that are going on around me, listen to the people and see the people and the physical environment and in this not try to `escape` time by keeping myself occupied within the mind, but to be here in every moment and apply myself to be here in every moment because I realize that allowing myself to go into the mind and think about how long it is going to take to get the job done only creates the emotional experience of dread in which I then start to drag my body and affect my body with the negative energies which makes managing diabetes much more difficult and affects myself in my home life as well, in this I commit myself to stand equal and one with all the responsibilities that I have to do within the system life = look at the point, bring it here, and stand with it = not creating an emotional or energetic experience around the things that I have to do, but just do them with being here with myself.