Saturday, October 3, 2015

Day 578 - Stress, Negative Mind Set and Self Interest

I am going to continue with this point of stress and laziness and resistance that I have been writing about because it is a predominant point within my life at the moment and one that needs directing as I write it out within the blogs.

So now that I have started a new job there are stresses that are coming up in relation to time and in relation to how much stuff that I need to get done within a day and all the points that need addressing within my life, such as eating and cooking and making lunches and the drive so getting fuel as well, so what I have been facing within my days have become a stress because, from what I've been looking at, I am more so within the mind and thinking about and making plans for the next thing that I am going to do rather than being here within the moment. For one example there was a lot of traffic one day and I had planned to go to the grocery store on the way home before I had something set for the time after that. Calculating the drive home and the time that I left I saw that I had that amount of time to get those points done, but then I hit traffic and traffic was a crawl for the better part of the way home. So while I was stuck in traffic there were thoughts running around regarding when will the traffic end and get back to a flow that accords with the time that I have set up for myself, and thinking about what I need to do when I get home and then stressing about now having enough time now that traffic has caused a loss of time, and basically all these thoughts running around were creating that stress within me.

I saw a few moments within the traffic where I could place myself within my body, be here and traffic and accept the traffic for what it was, and thus not allow myself to go into the future planning and projection and create stresses about the time that I had to do things or the time that I was losing, so I do see that as the solution here. Not allowing myself to go into the mind and plan about what it is that I am going to do within the future and within time, but to allow myself to be here with myself without any plans or projections of the future, be it far in the future or in the immediate future.

I allowed myself to participate in the want of traffic to become less so much that when I got home I was still within the state of stress and basically had to wait for myself to lay down on the bed and relax within myself, which isn't the best wau to handle the point of stress because it does have effects on the body and on the mind wherein I am frustrated within myself and annoyed within myself, and it would have been better for me to let go of the want for time to flow `my way` and then breathe and allow myself to be here with the ebb and flow of traffic the way it was and not within the mind within the way I wanted it to be.

The point of stress within the job is also a point for me to face. Even though the job is a job that I have done before, there are different machines and a different system and a different layout of the warehouse that I need to get used to, and as I started off on my first order I Was finding that I was struggling to get used to these things, like I wasn't as I expected myself to be which was already competent with the job and I was already rushing myself within the job even though I have a lot of time to get used to the job and perfect the differences that exist within the warehouse. Again I saw that there was this moment within the job that I saw that Iw as rushing, I saw that I was trying to make myself effective even before I actually knew what it was that I was doing, and thus that created the stress as well. There were also points of creating this negative mind set within myself because of the amount of time that I need to work and the little break time that we get, so within that I have been stressing about food intake and management of diabetes, so like this point of stress has been coming up more and more and simply the solution to this point is breath. Breathing allows me to bring myself back here and focus on what is here right in front of me and gives me more time to process the information that I need to get used to within the job, and within the point of traffic the point of breath allowed me to process the information that was here and keep me away from more thinking and overloading myself with more information that was necessary.

Within the next blog I am going to write SF on the points that I hadn't applied within the point of traffic and within the point of working, and overall on the point of breathing and applying myself within breathing - listening to the body and directing myself from the body when such instances come about, because I mean within the points I was trying to direct myself from the mind within thinking about what I needed to do next or within a previous idea of myself within the work within the warehouse, but as I apply myself within breath, I remove those points of future projections and the ideas of myself within the warehouse and I can simply be here breathing with the body and direct myself from the body.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Day 577 - Laziness and Negative Experiences

Before I continue on with my last post, regarding comfort and my expression within my environment I am going to write about the last point that I was working on previously - the laziness and the resistance and the self interest.

So today was a stressful day for me. I had no sleep last night and I had orientation at a new job that I am starting for quite a few hours today. And then on the drive home there was quite a downpour of rain on the highway which made driving pretty dangerous for the better part of the commute. So when I got home I was within this state within myself of not wanting to do anything, I was stressed and going into that negative experience and allowing that experience to dictate and direct my actions. I got home was pretty damn tired and was still within the state of the negative experience from the thoughts running around within the mind of being too tired to carry on or to work on any responsibilities, and also the thoughts about the stress, so like the experience of that negativity was creating this point within me of resistance and laziness because what I started to embark on when I got home was watching videos and entertaining myself with media, you know like rather than sleeping or rather than breathing and getting myself out of that state of of negativity. I eventually did take a nap and when I woke up I was still within that state of laziness and within that state of negativity in relation to playing back the memories of the day's events, so like I wasn't letting it go and then I was going back into the same pattern of watching videos and going into that state of resistance because I was within that negative state within myself. Only through interaction with my girlfriend did I bring myself out of that point because the interaction was a point of positivity for me.

So the point that I want to get at is that I allow the negative experience to dictate my actions and decide for me what it is that I am going to participate in and also I wasn't letting it go either - I was playing it over within the mind and then allowing myself to sink into that experience rather than direct it via breathing and self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed stress to dictate who I am within my day and within my choices

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the negative experience within the day rather than to breathe when/as I see the experience accumulating and then give direction to the experience and to myself within the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a point of positivity within my immediate reality when/as I experience a point of negativity such as stress or anxiety, in this ot allowing myself to direct the experience nor myself within the experience but actually perpetuating the experience because it is still running around in the background without removing it from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore negative experiences that come up within the mind rather than directing them, like trying to alleviate the negative experience by forcing a positive experience into me in which I can ignore the negative experience for some time, but within this also allowing myself to become reliant on that positive experience, to rely on watching videos or series for the day because as I go into that point the negative experience is still revolving within that background and as soon as I stop the positive experience the negative experience is still remaining thus putting myself into a cycle because of not directing the negative experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a positive experience to get me out of the negative experience so that I can again breathe and be here and have that `motivation` or `will` within myself to embark on any point of responsibility that I have within the day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a point of energy, on a point of positive energy to create that movement or that willingness within myself to move within points of responsibility that I have within the day or within the things that simply need to get down around the house or the things that I need to do for myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed my movement to be based on a point of simply giving to myself unconditionally, meaning doesn't matter if there is a negative experience moving within me, I still need to cook and clean to give myself sustenance for the day and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my movement based on experiences within myself, based on negative experience moving within me, rather than taking that breath within myself and bringing myself back here out of the experience and doing what I need to do for myself as life and for life

When/as I go into a point of stress for a while and I see that the experience is `taking me over` for a bit, to then allow myself the time to myself to simply sit with myself free from distractions and apply self forgiveness on the experience and to also just breathe and let go of the thoughts circling within the mind that continue to bring up that negative experience and then as I bring myself back here with myself to then relax and release myself and then get up and do what needs to be done and give myself that will and that movement coming from a starting point of myself

I commit myself to pay more attention to when/as I go into this point of laziness and resistance and self interest when I have a point of negativity running within me and I do not want to face it, and to then, let go of the self interest and the distractions and give myself the time to myself to then direct the experience and direct myself within the experience, breathe and bring myself back here to physical awareness and to self movement and self direction.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Day 576 - How Expectations Change Our Expression

Recently I have been finding that I haven't been less expressive in the environment around me. I have been wanting to have manifest this idea of this point of comfortable expression within my environment, you know, like an environment where we can open up all points that exist within each other and we can come to solutions - you know like a point of intimacy among individuals where we know each other well and thus can support each other and come to a single mind set to support each other within the environment, but I have only been wanting that and having this idea circulate within my mind without any actual action into the proposal that I had within myself.

This point also had/has layers of fear within the design of the idea and the projection. Like there is a fear of expressing myself how I would like within this reality and being real with the people around me, fear of coming out of my shell so to speak, and like since that fear has been coming up I have been becoming more and more reclusive within my reality all the while still searching for that point of expression and comfort.

Through talking with someone about this point she allowed me to see the point of fear and also how the point of comparing the current environment with the one that I would like to create was creating this point of sadness within me, and this point of allowing myself to be reclusive. So once I saw that point within myself I applied sf on the point of comparison and looked at simply being here with myself and not looking for a specific expression or a specific response from the people around me, but being here with myself and them within each moment and then seeing their responses within real time and then allowing myself to express the way that I would also like in relation to their words.

I have also been seeing this point of judgment coming up, but that judgment is also coming from the comparison that I've been holding onto within the idea of what it means to be expressive within ones environment, this still comes up from time to time as I want to have this specific expression in the immediate reality, so it is a point to continue to work on and also a point to not fear - like I was fearing this point of the intimacy and sharing myself, and that was creating a lot of the reclusiveness, and I now see that within releasing the point of expectancy of how I should be expressing myself or how I would like the immediate reality to express itself that the intimacy comes up naturally, like it is a point of expression of myself within the moment.

So here there are a few realisations that I would like to share. The first being that as we expect our realities to behave and become a specific way within an idea or expectation that we have infused in our minds that we then start to feel uncomfortable as we expect our realities to behave in the way that we have projected in order to create that comfort - like that was the point that I was looking for - that point of comfort within intimacy within sharing and thus then not finding that point I started to feel uncomfortable within my reality. So as we release that expectation of our realities or the people within our reality then we are able to be here in real time moments with the people around us and also within ourselves and thus we express ourselves from a starting point of being here within ourselves rather than a point of separation within/as looking - so rather than looking we become the point of living the expression that we're looking for and thus we give to ourselves what we look for.

There is still more movement and expansion that I am able to apply within this point because I still see the fears coming up every now and then and I see the reclusiveness still, or like I see the point of biting my tongue out of fear of the reaction, so within this I am not expressing myself absolutely unconditionally, I am still holding onto those expectations without expressing them within myself to create that point that I would like to live, but in this I also see that I need to consider other peoples' minds and where they are at within themselves and approach this point not from a starting point of projection or ideas, but again as a point of `natural` expression, so meaning no previous thinking or `planning` about it, speak it when/as the moment comes up. I will be sharing Self Forgiveness on this point in the next blog. Thanks

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Day 575 - What if Money Wasn't God

I had a conversation with a few of my former colleagues when one asked what would you do if money was not an option, like if we didn't need to work for our survival - if our own survival was a guaranteed human right. I answered that I would most likely live on a communal farm, something that I do enjoy - living with other people and working to benefit the immediate surrounds of our lives. They both answered the same which kinda surprised me, because I thought that one of them would have answered, like have a lot of cars or go towards the materialistic route, but no, we all agreed that we would live the farm life, growing our own food and sustaining ourselves. That was my answer then but I would like to add a few details to my answer.

If money was no object, if it didn't dictate our every decision and move within this world I would still decide to live on a communal farm, deciding to live with people of a similar mind set, which, without the stresses of money, I'm sure many would start to see the same way. Without the constant need for an income, where an income was unconditionally provided so that we may live on this Earth such as the animals, fungi, and bacteria do = the live without needing to pay a fee for their existence such as humans do - humans would start to lose the stress within their lives, I'm sure of it, money is a large factor for stress because it limits movement to such a degree that we stress about having enough money to move ourselves within our preferences in/as how we would live. So without the stresses of having money I'm sure many people would relax within themselves, I would within myself, I would no longer worry or fret about having enough money to provide myself with the necessities of life, a car, internet, a shelter, phone etc - because within this time and age even things such as internet have become a necessity for life - it is how the world is able to stay connected at rate which we have not previously seen as humans. So without stress and the ability to truly relax within ourselves we would be able to see beyond our immediate needs and start to consider others' needs, start to consider how we can then expand ourselves within this world and expand the world to be a utopia of sorts.

I would also like to educate myself on various subjects. There is a lot that I do not know that I would like to know how it works, like medicine, the human body, forensics is quite a cool topic, but don't think there would be a need for it if all people in this world had that guaranteed survival, other topics would be psychology, learn how to build properly, and if money was no object I could devote a large portion of my time to studying such topics. I mean I am sure that there would be people that would enjoy sharing their knowledge and information on such topics who are not teachers now, and they would have that opportunity. I mean due to finances of the education system, especially in North America, to put ourselves through school results in severe debt that can make the next years of life quite a struggle, especially if the field that you've studied in has become obsolete or is nor hiring - so with a guaranteed income for life then we could do a lot of research and investigation into how things work and educate ourselves which will then, in turn, create more movement within society as a whole. Consider that everyone has the opportunity to study with a university level education, and if they choose to do so this world be full of ideas in which we can then expand our infrastructure and overall movement of society as a whole.

Also, if money was no subject I would be able to live with my girlfriend without any red tape hassle. Currently money is restricting such a process - any permanent resident application requires the proof that the individual coming into the country will not be a taxation on the nation but a contribution thus money limits such movement of individuals throughout the world and with a living income guaranteed there would be the possibility to move freely throughout the world because instead of welfare, having the government cover the costs of living for the individual, the guaranteed income would cover that cost for itself, thus no taxation on the government or country.

The list can go on and on and on, but I would say that the most pertinent point if money were not god is the releasing of stress on individuals. The release from the struggles of their daily lives which constrict their views and considerations to be only on them = we would all have the opportunity to expand our considerations of other humans, animals, trees, basically the Earth as the whole, thus this point would remove the separation that we believe of ourselves from other humans and from the earth as a whole - because money, at the moment, is constricting our concerns we have separated ourselves from the whole - many people do not consider the Earth as the whole and what a virus our actions have become towards the Earth as a whole and thus we could and would start to consider how to make this life a paradise for all beings that live on it. That is the most important point within money being a guaranteed right rather than a requirement for our survival.

If you think that this is idealist talk then I suggest you investigate and realise that this idealist talk is becoming a possibility and an actuality within this world, all that needs to happen is for more people to realise that we do not need to live with such constrictions in our lives, we can manifest this point within our reality and thus create that paradise that we all do dream of on this Earth.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Day 574 - Creator of my own Resistance

Within this point of resistance and the point of self interest I have been applying myself within the point of stabilising myself more within breath. As I am working on a point within my reality that doesn't have a point of stimulus within it I have been working on breathing, being here within myself and simply focusing on what it is that I am doing. For instance, last night while cleaning the kitchen I caught myself often going into thoughts of wanting to call it done and go off and smoke or go and watch a movie or something in a point of `rest` but I could see that there was still quite a bit more that could be done in relation to the cleaning of the kitchen, so when that thought came up, I within myself, decided to stop my participation within the thought and that rushing of wanting to get done with what was in front of me and stop myself from projecting myself further - like stopping myself from applying a thought process of what needs to be done next and how much time it is going to take for me to accomplish all the things that still need to get done. As those thoughts were coming up I saw that I was hastily scrubbing a pan and noticed that I was actually starting to miss quite a bit of baked on food that needed to be scrubbed still, so the thoughts that were running around in the mind in relation to wanting to get done fast and then making it into a point of haste only allowed me to miss a lot more or what needed to be done; and this was all in relation to self interest. Self interest meaning I allowed myself to go into the mind and think about what it is that I would prefer to be doing within that moment, and I then allowed myself to entertain and project about how long it would take me to get done cleaning the kitchen so that I could then go and satisfy those thoughts of self interest.

These are the thoughts and things that then create this point of resistance within me, because I allow myself to participate in those thoughts of what I would prefer to be doing out of the starting point of self interest in relation to `energy` within/as this idea of what I would prefer to be doing. This idea of what I would prefer to be doing is not an actual truth of myself because it is not something that I would actually prefer to be doing it is simply something that is going to take my mind off of the things that I stress about and have created this relationship of needing to push myself and within that idea comes the stress = within pushing myself I create that stress and then when/as I going into that stress I look for a release of that stress within a point of `relaxation` within self interest.

So within that stress I have also been looking at another dimension to this point of resistance that I am accepting. Rather than being here with myself and deciding to move myself from a point of decision and a point of fluidity within the points that are required responsibilities within my life, I have been approaching it from the starting point existing within the mind of thinking about the things that I have to do within the future, such as the example within the point of cleaning the kitchen = I looked ahead into the things that I needed to do and allotted a time for them. This is something that I often do with all points of responsibility. I will look forward into getting them done and then like start my movement from a point within the mind of needing to push myself and within this needing to push myself I create a stress and a resistance as well when/as it comes to bringing myself to the point of actually working on the subject or point within my reality. So all I can say with that is that I am the creator of the point of resistance and the laziness and the self interest from allowing myself to participate in the `forward thinking` and allotting time to specific tasks or subjects rather than being here with myself within physical awareness and physical direction. Also the stress comes up because I am `fighting` with myself when/as the thoughts come up to then go do something in which I can experience a `joy` or `happiness` coming from a point of separation of myself within the words of joy and happiness, like expressing myself from a point of joy and happiness of just being with myself as I am working on the tasks at hand has not yet existed within me, so it has been a constant `fight` within myself in relation to this point of responsibilities and this point of self interest and I have not been taking a look at how it is that I am creating this point of conflict within myself when it comes to tasks and responsibilities - I have only been fighting with myself within it as I aim to push myself too hard to get points of responsibility done - coming from a starting point of thinking about it and creating a point of stress around the responsibility to then only trigger the laziness and resistance that I have been developing within myself for sometime now.

A day ago I was looking at this point within myself, how, in a moment of decision within myself I breathed and I allowed myself to move myself within a point of fluidity within writing and how I simply made the decision within myself to write, there was no thinking about needing to write in relation to a conflict within myself wherein I then resist it - it was a point of breathing and a letting go of wanting to do anything else and I was simply here with myself in the moment. This is what I am going to work on in the coming days and weeks so that I can start to apply this point of change into myself and letting go of this conflict within myself in relation to self interest and responsibilities, as I realise now that I have been the creator of such points within myself via participation within the mind.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Day 573 - Energetics, Stimulants and Resistance

Within the past blogs I have been touching upon a point of self movement and resistance and an inherent point of self interest within the resistance. Like when it comes down to moving myself within a task I will allow the mind to jump in with thoughts regarding doing something else that I would `rather` be doing but obviously this point of rather is coming from thoughts and therefore influenced from the mind and how I have designed it. So what I have been looking at is the energy within this point of not giving myself focus and this point of energy is like a point of pleasure or enjoyment within this world. It's like with quitting smoking, I find it difficult to simply let go of smoking because there is a point of energy attached to smoking where it's like it's one thing that I enjoy within this world and thus I do not want to let it go and face the shit here within myself and within this world - so, it is quite a limiting point because if I hold onto this point then I am not going to be able to face myself or direct myself without that want of energy. It's like wanting that movie playing in the background so I can have that point of entertainment while I write and within that entertainment it's a point of energy because I have a difficult time letting it go and breathing and remaining stable and focused as I work on a task or assignment. So here I will be applying SF on this point of energy and this point of allowing myself to be distracted and give into resistance because of this point of energy rather than moving past it, breathing and bringing myself here in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a point of stimulus within my life to keep me `satisfied` and `happy` within my life so that I can then pursue the things that do not provide that sense of enjoyment or satisfaction, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realise how limited I am allowing myself to be in order to maintain this point of satisfaction or pleasure within the pursuit of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistance in the name of energy, in the pursuit of allowing my time to be filled with this point of pleasure and an experience of enjoyment in relation to this moment of energy in watching movies, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thoughts that exist when I am working on something, the thoughts that say "I would rather be watching a movie" or "I just want to involve myself within this move" within the context of ignoring the reality around me so that I can fill my reality with a form of entertainment to then not face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot go through this life without any form of satisfaction or pleasure and within this point also not want to give up any pleasure or `satisfaction` within this life when it is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself being here with myself in the body and with self awareness in order to experience this point of pleasure within this lifetime and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rather correct this point of pleasure or enjoyment into a real practical physically lived word within my existence so that I stop giving up my movement and my direction to this point of energy within this idea of `pleasure`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without these points of satisfaction, without movies or shows to entertain me or without cigarettes to keep me satisfied and content with my life that life is going to be a dull experience, but within this not finding what it is that I truly enjoy and take pleasure within this life time, and find things within this life in which I can give back and then create a point of enjoyment and pleasure within rather than only looking at myself within the equation of pleasure and enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts regarding enjoyment and pleasure, not considering what it is that I am allowing myself to participate within and also within this allowing myself to participate within this illusion of energy because there is no real physical satisfaction coming from watching movies or allowing myself to give into resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within myself, accept the thought that says I don't want to write or pursue any responsibilities with the time that I have because I want to entertain myself with various mediums" and within this accept myself to go into a state of laziness wherein I resist doing anything related to responsibilities and then allow myself to waste the time that I have to apply myself

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Day 572 - Focus And Attention

What I have been looking at within this process of resistance and laziness and this overall feeling of not wanting to do anything is a point when I am sitting down and wanting to do something, like wanting to get off my ass and move myself within the physical reality and then this point comes up within me of like a weight, and that weight is what I have signified as laziness. It is like a laziness of not wanting to move myself or feeling too heavy or unmotivated to then approach or start a task that I have been putting off for a while or something to that effect.

Like for example I was sitting outside talking to my roommates and when it came time to get up and out of socialisation and into something like cleaning the dishes or go and do anything there is this weight that comes over me with a specific energy attached to it and I do quickly go into this - I allow myself to believe this experience as something that is real and not simply resistance that takes a bit of movement on my part within will from myself to get myself out of. It's like I absolutely give into that weight that comes over me when I am about to move. The tasks that I have in mind are tasks that take some self direction from myself, something that isn't easily programmed into myself or things that are not part of my preprogramming, so as the opportunity comes up to move on it the weight easily comes up as well.

I have also been looking at another dimension within this point as well when it comes to resistance and, as I've stated within the previous blogs there is a point of self interest within it. Within socialisation there is this point of stimulation, conversation or something to talk about or something to laugh about so there is this point of stimulation within conversation and then when/as dishes or working on a point of responsibility has no stimulus within it and this is where that point of resistance comes up - meaning I have looked at it within myself and when/as I look at adding a point of stimulus via a series or something then the task becomes more `bearable` when/as I look at it, and if there is no stimulus then the movement becomes a bit more difficult, like the resistance is a bit more sticky to move through, but nonetheless it does take this point of movement, this push within myself and this letting go of wanting stimulus and then allow myself to just be here with me and work on the task.

So what I have been applying in the past few days is moving myself within that little moment right before I am about to do something - like when that energy comes in and that weight comes in as well, I give myself that little push to start on the task and continue to breathe while I am doing the task - working within myself with letting go of that want for stimulus and working within myself to remain here within the task and remain focused on the task - directing the thoughts and the energy as it comes up - because it has gotten to a point where it's like "I can’t do this" lol or like this point of want really builds up within me, and it becomes a bit of struggle within myself to keep myself focused, so this point of wanting a stimulus within energy within self interest is what I am going to direct within the coming days - meaning start lessening the videos and series that I watch while writing or while working on a task and while doing this as well to put more of an effort into keeping myself busy and focused on the task at hand, because within this point, I do not want to limit myself or hinder myself from my ability to move because I am looking for a point of stimulus, I would much prefer creating and developing more of a movement of my own and my own self will, not needing an outside stimulus to keep me focused or to get me to work on something.

Within the coming posts I am going to take a look at my relationship with this point of energy within the stimuli that I accept within a day to day basis and look at practical solutions in how to approach myself within situations wherein a thought comes up with an energy providing a stimulus and how to breathe, bring myself back here and focus more so on the task that I am working with rather than lackadaisically work on the task at hand - meaning like watch a video and from time to time write a sentence or paragraph, but to rather focus more and get it done in `one go` so to speak. Also I will apply SF on the energy and my relationship to it.