Thursday, December 11, 2014

Day 539 - W-urk

I have been facing a point within work recently and what this point entails is a diminishing of myself and my expression within work and then this point carries over into my home life where I diminish myself at home and like start to beat up on myself

So with more specifics the patterns plays out like this: the first day at work goes well, I'm here, I'm aware and I am participating in breath and like directing myself within the mind and within job and within physical reality and things `feel` good, like no reactions or anything that would diminish my expression, then on the last day of a work schedule, like a day before I am off of work I then start to not want to be here, I do not want to be at work and participate in work with awareness or with care, or with consideration for what I am doing- I get there and then don't want to be there, I am not completely sure where or what I want to be doing because within that state I realize that if I were to go home I would do nothing, I would still be within that point of not wanting to be here and it would carry over to the home life. I mean I do not want to be at work, nor do I want to be here, I am unsure of where or what I would exactly like to be doing, but from what I see and understand within the point when I have left work early is that the energy from desires is certainly related to it. Like when I have left work early the first thing that comes up in the mind is desires.

From this it sounds like I allow a want for desires to exist in the days that I would and I allow energy to build up in relation to the desires, or more so what happens is that I have this thought running around in the mind in relation to needing to work and that I can't participate in any of the desires that I would like to so eventually, when the last day of the stretch comes the energy has clearly built up to the extent that I just don't want to be at work at that moment and then I go into that state of not wanting to be here, being lazy, being unmotivated and not doing an effective job, nor do I live the point of responsibility for myself within the mind or responsibility for myself in giving myself awareness within the moment/day. This then carries over into the home life because when I get off of work I am still within that state of mind therefore when I get home I am still in that point of being unmotivated to put in effort to be here and support myself within awareness, so I allow this point of being lazy and being unmotivated and not moving myself within the physical reality = I allow my effort and participation in giving myself physical awareness to slip cause I am in that state of not wanting to be here and put in the physical effort and work that this life requires for oneself to move.

Once I get home and I am in that state it triggers another dimension of the mind which I inevitably go into which is the point of beating up on myself for not moving - but I will write about that in specificity in another blog, for this blog I am focusing on the reactions within work and stabilizing myself while I participate in the working part of the system design and work on not allowing the reactions, more specifically, stopping the reactions so that I do not compromise myself while I am at home, nor compromise myself while at work and give myself the best effort possible in all areas and aspects of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about desires while I am at work, and within thinking about the desires, projecting myself into imagination, playing out the desire and created the energy in relation to wanting the desire and needing to be at work, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question the desire, to breathe through the desire, to bring myself back here, stabilize myself and participate in work with my best effort - not effort within work specifically, but effort within care and consideration for myself and the life that is around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to become unmotivated and project myself into getting off work at the end of the shift when the last day of a work stretch comes, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the energy to move within me in relation to going and participating in desires,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what I would be rather doing while I am at work, think about being at home and in this create a negative energy towards working and a reaction towards working where I start to resist work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am being forced into work, which may be true due to the design of the system, but to accept and allow this feeling of disempowerment and resentment towards the work system only allows me to follow a pre-programmed design in which I then become resistant to cooperating with the job requirements and resist being here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to come to terms with the fact that work in this lifetime is necessary and that I cannot have the lifestyle that I would like for myself just yet because no one in this world are free yet and therefore I am not free to live how I would like and currently, at this moment, work is the best opportunity for me to make an income and gather enough resources to further my life within the system, and within this as well, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I still have me and my self honesty - meaning that I do not need to define myself by the job, all I need to do is the job and express myself within the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the job as shit, to define the job as being useless work in which I do not want to participate in because there is not self expansion, no opportunity for improvement of self and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within anything there is me, and all I need in order for myself to work on self expansion is myself here in breath, focusing on correcting one point at a time, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the work that I am participating in as useless and trivial and in this definition create a judgment towards the work that I am doing instead of allowing myself to do it unconditionally and within breath and awareness

I commit myself to when/as the last day of the stretch is coming up and if I note that I am going more so into that pattern of wanting to go and participate in the desire rather than be at work and do what is necessary to make a living in the system, I stop, I breathe, and I bring myself out of the want to participate in the desire, and do my absolute best to bring myself back here in breath and awareness of myself in the physical reality, I commit myself to applying self forgiveness in that moment and letting go of the want and preference to participate in desires rather than be here in awareness of myself

I commit myself to when/as I find myself participating in wants to participate in desire such as being at home, playing video games, watching series, etc, I take a step back from the imagination in that moment, I let go of the desire, I let go of the projection and the energy, I commit myself to breathe in that moment and re-stabilize myself in the physical reality, be here with the body and move myself with the body when I am working

I commit myself to remove the desire to participate in desires, via when/as I see them coming up in the mind and in projection I commit myself to take a step back from the imagination and projection and bring myself back to the physical reality and in this bring myself back here in awareness of the physical reality and the physical body, committing myself as well to do what is necessary of me to remain within the system and to keep a life going for me

Monday, December 8, 2014

Day 538 - Self Absorbed Self Forgiveness

In the last post I was writing about the topic of being self absorbed in the mind and how I often only consider what I want out of a situation or an equation rather than seeing all points involved and considering all points in equality and then moving myself within what is best for all points involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the immediate reality that I participate in as `my reality` wherein I consider it mine which it is not, all points and all things are equally here with me in the immediate reality and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider all things/beings equally within my actions in the immediate reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often question what do I want out of a scenario, what do I want to have out of a scenario or an equation and only consider myself within that scenario, not looking at all the other beings/people/things involved within my actions or involved within the equation or scenario.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the fact that there are timelines of events in this reality and that the materials that I see right here in front of me were created elsewhere and have many other people involved in the creation process of and that I am not the only one participating with the object or substance that is right here in front of me - you know, like the fact that I think or perceive myself to be the only one interacting with the object in a moment is not valid nor true and that is an issue because it is an illusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on the consequences of my actions on myself rather than seeing that I am part of the whole of this world and that my actions are going to affect many more people/beings than just myself alone, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in the mind with thinking solely about how I am affected by certain actions rather than looking at the physical reality and looking at the physical consequences of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be narcissistic where I allow thoughts about me and how the world affects me or influences me to only exist within the mind, not taking a look at all the other beings in this world and looking at how the same system equally affects them - most often with worse consequences to their lives

I commit myself to taking a step back when/as I notice that I am only looking at myself within an equation, like when I am only thinking about or considering how the outcomes of the events will affect me and not taking a look at the fact that what I am doing is going to affect all people and things around me and most likely further from the space that I can imagine, and in this don't allow myself to take the `easy` road wherein the easy road only considers me, but to take an effective look at how/what may or may not happen or become created from the results of my decisions within that moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only consider myself within an equation rather than realizing and looking at the equation as an equal - meaning there are many factors that go into an equation and I am only considering myself within the equation when all point/factors are equally involved in creating the equation and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be absorbed with myself to the extent that I do not consider anything else other than myself within decisions or movements in the physical reality

I commit myself to slow myself down in the mind when I am only considering myself within a decision, in this it practically means that when/as I see myself only thinking about myself or my wants or needs then I take a step back from those thought processes and take a look at the larger equation, take a look at what else is involved within my decision and then in this remove the point of self-interest and find/start investigating what is best for all within that equation

When/as I see that I am thinking about only myself within a decision or within actions or believing and/or perceiving that I am only affecting myself within decisions I commit myself to use that as a flag point and to bring myself out of the mindset that I am in via breathing and taking a step back from the thought process and to then, within breath, slow myself down and look at the larger equation of things, take a look at where things come from, take a look at the outflow of events, and take a look at all things equally that will result in the outcome.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Day 537 - Self Absorption

In my last post I was writing about self victimization and how it felt, at times, that the system was directly attacking me and or going against all my wishes and wants and looking deeper/further into the point I see a point of self absorption - meaning all my focus is on me - the world revolves around me - where I only see myself and focus on my wants/desires - and I see that this has been a common theme around the mind and myself for quite some time wherein I focus solely on myself and what I want or desire and forget that many many many other beings exist in this world equally with me. What I have also been noticing is that within my self-absorption I only look for things that I want to do and resist the things that need to be done - and in this I create a lot of mental stresses and fuck ups, like within the question what do I want to do, I then look for things that spark that interest, spark that energy within me and then that excitement comes along and rushes into the mind and if there is any point that comes into my reality that I `need` to do I then rush and stress about the point rather than being here - like for example, while I work, if a desire comes into the mind of wanting to do something when I get home then I become very lazy and unmotivated in work because I am focusing a lot on that point of desire rather than being here and doing what the job is requiring of me and allowing myself to just be here with me.

I have been noting this pattern for a few days now and have been observing how the mind and myself react to these points of desire and how I start to rush within anything that I am doing that is not the desire in order to get to the desire and focus solely on what I want to do rather than looking at all the outcomes of what I am participating in, nor am I participating here in breath and awareness of the physical body - I basically trap myself within the mind.

The self-absorption is where like I do not consider any other thing or person in this reality - I consider only the wants or desires that I have at a particular time resulting in an escapism from physical reality and from not considering others equally and basically I am not seeing the physical reality. So like I was taking a look at my cat and I started to look at the fact that he is a being that will age, most likely get sick somehow and die eventually and in that consideration I was like, fuck, I didn't consider that before, you know, I didn't consider that he is an actual biological life form lol which kinda sounds ridiculous but I mean damn, like I haven't considered that point before, you know, like my relationship with my cat was not based on the fact that we're both life forms each with needs that need to be taken care of and supported and that he is not there for my `pleasure` so to speak - and that's how the relationship was or is and it is kinda disheartening to realize and face and write because the starting point for having the cat was for pleasure rather than that of support and care for the life that he is.

In admittance to myself I am very self-involved within the mind, I usually only consider my own wants/needs/desires and quite often fail to recognize others are of an equal design - we all have needs/wants/desires and yet I only take a look at mine without considering others equally and this is a point that I am not satisfied with because I mean damn, I am only looking out for myself when I have that which I need within this world, a roof over my head, food, clothes, education, opportunity for improvement of myself and there are many others in this world that cannot look out for themselves because the basics are not even being provided to them and so for me to only consider myself and my wants is quite unfair and `uncool` and very selfish when others don't even have the basic needs that our physical selves require

In the next post I will write self forgiveness on this point and open it up further and investigate whatever opens up.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Day 536 - Victimization and Self Absorption

I have been recently facing a point of self-victimization where it feels like the system is `attacking` me, or I perceive it as such, and in this point of victimization I can recall a memory of deciding that I was going to go back to school and upgrade my marks so that I could attend university and what I have started to see in the point of victimization and the emotions that follow the belief/perception of being a victim is that I am only considering myself and my own wants/needs/desires within that moment, I have not considered the fact that the design of the system affects all equally.

So like the memory of realizing that I would have to work and still go to school was a piss off, what happened in that moment was that I felt victimized by the system, by diabetes, by money etc, like I blamed and was angry at the scenario that was existing in that moment, angry at having diabetes, angry at needing to have benefits and money in order to supply myself for diabetes, and angry that I had to continue working rather than focus %100 of my effort into school and studying, so in that moment I was victimizing myself for having to go through these trials like playing the victim as if things are always against me, but that isn't so, nor is it real. The only point that was happening in that moment really, was that I was finding out how I was going to have to deal with the situation of being a diabetic and needing to go back to school, and all the emotions did in that moment was create a lot of energy within a single moment and I mean the entire point was solely revolving around me, like I am the victim here, I wasn't taking a look at the system or the design or the constructs involved within the scenario I was only taking a look at how I perceived myself to be fucked over in that moment, you know, like I wasn't considering how things need to change to provide someone else in my position or in an equal position an unconditional opportunity to go to school and/or improve their lives, an unconditional opportunity to not be stuck in a position within their lives but to make a choice in what/how they want to move themselves or place themselves within this world, what job to work, what country to live in etc,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and feel like life or the system is just in this constant mode of fucking me over, removing all points of positivity from my life wherein I victimize myself for these events happening to my life, but in the global perspective many many many worse atrocities exist on a daily basis and for me to sit here and react towards losing a partner is trivial in the grand scale of things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for and want to hold onto a point of positivity in my life so that I can say that at least something is good in my life as I have defined all other aspects as negative within my life, and in this feel like I am being attacked and as if I am the victim of the world system as events and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself when things don't seem to go the way that I would like them to and in this become angry and frustrated with my life and start to sabotage and cut out my expression from this world and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on my life because I feel that things are being taken away from me, say fuck it towards improving or expanding myself in this lifetime because of a simple point not going how I would like it to go or for having a point break away from me, or needing to let go of a point, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to continue to move on and continue to push myself when things get hard or when things get difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the victim of circumstances, not realizing or seeing that the system operates as a system, that it centers out no one as a target and that in this I have forgone the point of responsibility in/as seeing what/how/where the system needs to be changed so that all have an opportunity for give themselves the life that they would like for themselves

I commit myself to stopping and breathing when the point of anger or frustration towards the system arises within me and to take a look at the functions of the system and how they are limiting not only myself but everyone in participating within it, and to in this give myself the insight to see where/how I am able to put in my effort to live the point of responsibility for the system that we have now because I realize that the frustration and anger and the blame towards the system and the idea that the system is attacking me is only hindering me from looking further into/as the system and is stopping me from seeing that other people are affected by the same `red tape` of the system from giving themselves the life that they would like to live

When/as I feel like I am being victimized and I am playing the victim within/as the rules/design of the system that we live in, I commit myself to remove any emotion that is coming up within me via self forgiveness or writing because I realize that I am not the victim here, or I am not the only one being subjected to the limiting laws/rules/design of the system, that all people, all life is being equally limited by the system

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Day 535 - How Life is Supposed to Be

I was listening to the audio recording How Life is Supposed to Be by Anu which is available on Eqafe and he touched on a few poignant traits that I have been facing in my daily life and have been facing for a while such as the point of working on a point for and being `gung ho` about the point then after a while working on the point fades away and becomes more involved within the imagination, where one starts to imagine the point rather than working on it/applying it within the physical reality. This point was also spoken about in relation to relationships where we will imagine speaking a point to a person and in imagining that point we fail to bring it to life, meaning that when the moment comes where you can speak those words we usually don't follow through or speak them, and when we do this we forgo a moment where we can have influence or impact on a persons life, because for me, what I have noticed is that the conversations that I have imagined are usually ones of a point of insight, a point that I would like to mention to a person, but then when the moment comes the thought runs through my head to speak about the point but it then never comes out, it stays inside the mind.

So the reason why this is so poignant for me is because this point has occurred within process for me for quite some time, like there are many points that I have worked on that have fallen by the wayside, such as breathing while working, or curbing the amount of entertainment that I watch or managing diabetes much better and what I have found is that these points have become placed more so within the imagination wherein I will plan or create imaginations about moving on the points but when the point comes here to do so, well I do nothing about it, I don't physically move on it, so it's like this point of imagining me moving on it is an attempt to console the fact that I am not physically moving on them - like these points have existed with many things, like even taking a look at blogging - I will imagine myself or think about blogging about a particular subject or point and then when the time comes to move on it, I let it slide usually and then I go back into the mind and think and imagine at a later time blogging about another subject, only to repeat the pattern over and over in which things just do not get done and are only imagined lol. The same thing has existed within relationships where a point would emerge that I would like to speak to a person about or share with a person and instead of sharing it or speaking it I only imagine it and in the imagination it is usually shrouded with this positive energy in which I then focus solely on and act as if I have actually spoken or shared the point which is absolutely absurd lol, cause nothing is done in the physical reality, nothing is moved within the physical reality and therefore NOTHING is done about the point and that is why me acting or imagining the point being completed or spoken about is really absurd lol

What I have noticed helps is to not place myself in a future context with the points, meaning if there is a point that I would like to get done such as recording reading for diabetes is to not place that point into the future because what happens often with those points is that I will place them into a future context when imagining them and then nothing is done, but when/as I bring them here, don't imagine them, don't think about them, simply agree to the point, agree to working on the point that I start to work on the point so here in the thoughts are the signal to start taking a look at bringing the point here and stop imagining it and making a decision within myself to walk to point actually rather than imagine it. I also see a solution here is to take a look at the points that I have been imagining or projecting and `bring them back to life` via walking solutions, like the main one there is breathing within work cause the job is monotonous and it is easy for me to lose myself in thought while I work because I don't absolutely need to be aware while I work, so like bring myself back here and keep myself aware while I work, you know, like that is a point that I have given up on recently and haven't applied myself within for a while, I did it for a while and I enjoyed it but then I just gave up and allowed the point to slide.

Anyhow, I would suggest taking a listen to the interview if you struggle with the point on following through on tasks/points that you start to work on as it provides cool insights into how to create practical physical solutions and provides insights into what is really going on in ourselves as we stop working on points

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day 534 - Work, Effort and Time

Recently I have been in a reactive state of anger and frustration and have been projecting that towards my reality but my reality is not what I am angry or frustrated with, it is my application of myself within my reality and within the time that I have available to myself. So to give perspective and background information I have started to work a job that is 12 hour night shifts so I work for those 12 hours and commute for 45 minutes and pack a lunch, shower, sleep 8 hours etc, so like a LOT of the time that exists within a day is consumed by work and the other points that I need to take care of for work. It works out to me having about 2 to 3 hours a day `to myself` so to speak where I can work on the things that I would like to get done or to spend for myself so like since I have such little time I have been wanting to spend that time `enjoying myself` wherein I will entertain myself a bit, but damn, I have not found that supportive for
this point whatsoever - the only times that I go into work where I am not in this reactive state is when I get a few things done before I work, so I mean this whole point of wanting a bit of time for myself is an illusion and only contributes to the problem.

Anyhow, I have been projecting the emotions towards my outer reality but it is not my outer reality that I am bothered by, it is me in/as my application in living my utmost potential in this lifetime and making use of every available moment that I have to support and improve and expand myself in this reality to which I have not been doing and in which is the real cause for my reactions. I mean yes I do need to work and yes I do need to allocate a lot of the available time within the day towards work, and some days I am sure that I am not going to have anytime to write or to do assignments or do other things that would expand my reality due to things like needing to get groceries or other things like that before work, but that is cool and fine by me as long as I am moving myself in other times and assisting and supporting myself with any reactions and/or emotions that come up in relation to other points within my life/self.

In this I also see that I will need to create an effective schedule and stick to that schedule in which all points that I have to work on in the week are covered, but I mean, to not be hard on myself within the schedule, but use the schedule as a base line for working on the points that I need to work on and a base line for living responsibility for that points that I have decided to take on. So there are a few corrections here that need to take place in myself in order to stop these reactions from coming up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I want to play video games and kinda fuck around with my reality rather than give myself control and charge and like self-direction and move myself within the things that will grant me more responsibility and/or grant me more implementation of myself within the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited about my realty and in this excitement like guide myself towards the things that I don't want to do, like watching a lot of videos and not putting in effort towards improving my life, specifically with money etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the best of my potential nor attempt to create it or live it because I am clearly not giving it my all here in this lifetime, and I can certainly do better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with emotions and blind myself with emotions such as anger and frustration in relation to my reality which only stops me from actually seeing the real point that I am reacting to and in this stop myself from actually applying the correction to the point so that the point that I am reacting to becomes corrected and I correct myself within/as the point that I am reacting to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the emotions and project the emotions of being angry and/or frustrated with my reality onto my reality instead of taking it back to myself and seeing where/how I am frustrated and angry with myself within/as my reality that I am creating for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to re-create this pattern of being frustrated and angry with myself in this reality by allowing myself to become distracted and allowing myself to not apply the principle of living up to my utmost potential which has become stagnated by me in allowing myself to become distracted and/or follow emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and abdicate my own movement within improving my life and living to my utmost potential by allowing myself to follow emotions and project those emotions onto the world outside of myself when/as the world outside of myself is not creating those emotions, I am creating them within myself

I commit myself to working on this point of allowing myself to follow these illusions of thought which state that I would rather entertain myself in the `pursuit of happiness` by/as questioning these thoughts that come up that state that I would rather entertain myself than to move on a point in my reality that is aligned with self-expansion, and living up to my utmost potential and also within that point creating my utmost potential

I commit myself to managing my time more effectively, because really what I am missing here within this point is an effective schedule of managing my time and using that time to work on the assignments/tasks/responsibilities that will improve who I am and what I do within this reality

I commit myself to correcting my behaviour within the points of managing my time and living my utmost potential and creating my utmost potential via sticking to a schedule within my reality where in the time that I have off I am working on improving points and working on the assignments/tasks that need to be worked on often in order to get them done and in order for me to benefit from working on them.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Day 533 - Self Forgiveness on Spitefulness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the energy of spitefulness when it comes up in my reality when I compare myself to other people and when I compare myself to what/where I want to be and/or believe that I have done nothing and am nothing with myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not what the thoughts are saying of me, that I am not the failure that the thoughts state I am, and that I do not need to harm or sabotage myself for being where I am in process and in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the energy of spitefulness when I believe that I am worthless to this world and in this give up all points of responsibility and give up all movement and care for myself, allowing my reality to become entropic and live the point of entropy towards my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the belief that I am a failure when a point of comparison of my life comes up in relation to other people in relation to a definition that I have placed value towards, for instance when a comparison comes up of myself in relation to another person in process and the comparison, within the mind, is stating that I am far `less` than what they are and then accept myself within/as the definition of being a failure and as I accept the definition of a failure go into spite towards myself and towards my life and start to look for ways in which I can harm my life and harm myself, simply accepting the energy and the definition and going into that destructive state instead of questioning if that destructive state is truly what I want for myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy of spitefulness towards myself because I see within the energy that I can give up for a while, I can just do nothing and let go of all points of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energy of spitefullness so that I allow myself to give up all points of responsibility and sabotage my life and myself, allowing the temptation of the energy to pull me in, in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see beyond and question the energy that comes up that states to sabotage myself and sabotage process and give up on life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand in a point of self honesty in relation to the energy that comes up that is spiteful towards myself, wherein I take a look at the energy and be honest with myself about what it is that I would like for myself in relation to the energy, like questioning would I actually like to sabotage myself or is this a pattern that plays out over and over where I give up for a while, sabotage myself within process, and then pick myself back up at a later time, once the energy fades away or have had enough of sabotaging myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the energy and system that states that it is beneficial or `what I want` for me to sabotage myself, give up all points of responsibility, and deliberately harm myself, not realizing that it really isn't me, that I am not the definition of a failure within/as what I am looking at/defining myself within

I commit myself to when/as I compare or judge myself within a point in my life that I have associated value towards and have defined myself within and that point of judgment is negative and that comparison is defining myself as less than and the energy comes up with the want to sabotage myself and give up on myself, to breathe, to bring myself back here in self-honesty, in/as the realization that all that I have is myself, meaning that all I have is my own movement, all I have is me here and that comparing myself to another person is a separation from myself in/as working on what I am working on within myself, like to define myself as less or more than another person in relation to movement is irrelevant to me moving myself within what/who I am here

I commit myself to slowing myself down when the energy to sabotage my reality and to harm myself comes up within/as the belief that I am a failure/worthless, and in slowing down, calm myself down within the movement of that energy, breathe, apply self forgiveness for the comparison and the judgment and the movement of the energy, then bring myself back here and solely focus on myself and my own movement and see where it is possible for myself to expand and simply continue to work on/with myself in expansion and bettering myself and living/giving what is best for all in this world