Sunday, May 27, 2012

Day 44 - Just one More


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up, looking at the time and think just one more hour of sleep, I can handle one more hour of sleep, I don't necessarily need to get up right now and I can push back all that I do in the morning until later in the day, finding all the excuses that I can to justify why I should have one more hour of sleep, while doing this knowing that I am compromising myself in/as my time and routine in what has been effective for me and having thoughts come up as well - behind the just one more thoughts and excuses, of feeling guilty for allowing myself to sleep just one more hour due to giving up my time for more sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for giving up my time for more sleep and in this feeling guilty for allowing myself to sleep another hour live through the rest of my day in anger because of the guilt, repeatedly beating up on myself for allowing myself to sleep more - as if beating up on myself is going to solve the guilt, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the guilt that I was creating for allowing myself to sleep more through being here with me in breath stabilizing myself in breath, forgiving myself for feeling guilty allowing myself to stop the constant living in the past in attempts to redeem myself from the guilt for allowing myself to sleep more than normal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn just one more into just one more, further and further using as much time and resources as possible so that I can extend this one more into as long as I can or as much as I can to continue to experience I have created only having myself repeat the same process over and over and over again, not allowing myself to learn through stopping in fact, to expand through stopping

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up feeling tired, look at the clock and allow myself to sleep a few more minutes, in this waking up after the few more minutes and allowing myself to sleep a few more minutes repeating this process until I have no more time to sleep and I HAVE to get up and start my day - compromising myself in getting myself prepared for work, eating properly before work, testing blood and injecting insulin, making a lunch, all of which requires time - time that I have used up sleeping, in this allowing myself to rush in getting prepared for work in the morning, not giving myself the time to give myself quality - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely sabotage myself in not getting up when I must get up in order to give myself quality in that which I do in the morning, causing myself to allow myself to backchat about that which I have missed doing in the morning - which I will have to do when I get home from work, causing myself to backchat with hate towards myself for allowing myself to compromise myself through allowing myself to push the limits of the `just one more minute of sleep`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch just one more episode of a television series that I have been interested in, avoiding taking responsibility for bringing myself back here in breath and facing myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the just one more point in ways that I allow myself to further avoid facing myself in who I am in the moment and what I must do other than watching television,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that just one more is a flag point for me and that it isn't just one more, it is allowing myself to continue the ride within/as the experience of/as sleeping or watching tv or playing on the internet, allowing myself to further create an experience of myself that is not real as it is not me here in breath - in which I participate in just one more in order to avoid facing myself, in order to avoid stopping the self-interested ride and take responsibility for myself in doing that which must be done by me in order to move myself within doing what is best for me through taking responsibility for myself in doing my responsibilities, in cleaning up my mess of a life, which allowing myself to participate in `just one more` does not assist and support in doing, thus I commit myself to flag the point of just one more and not allow myself to go into just one more, taking a breath in that moment when/as I think just one more, looking at the experience that I created and stopping the experience in one breath and in that one breath re-directing myself in taking responsibility in cleaning up my mess of a life and self, changing self into that which supports what is best for all life, changing self into life in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in all that I participate in, giving myself all of myself in applying myself fully in that which I participate in, but to allow myself to go into the roller coaster of experience of what I am participating in, in this allowing myself to push for more experience if the experience is `happy` or positive causing myself to in that moment create the opposite effect in negativity through allowing the positivity in that moment - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the courage to stop thoughts and experiences while here on Earth and live here with myself in breath, live here with myself in each breath - breathing in each moment, giving myself to myself entirely through the application of being diligent in forgiving myself for not allowing myself to be here with me in every moment but within experience of that which I am participating in. In this I commit myself to continue applying forgiveness until I have given all of myself to myself in each moment, where I stay stable in breath and direct myself in each moment in breath, giving the entirety of myself to myself, stopping myself from separating myself in thoughts/emotions/beliefs/ideas/experiences etc.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that allowing myself just one more is a massive point of abuse within myself that leads to allowance of all abuse, because as I allow one more point within myself I allow many more points of abuse, such as the point of watching another episode of television, not taking responsibility for myself - I allow many more points such as that which is not putting a complete end to/as the abuse that is existent here on this Earth, and as I allow one more I allow the abuse to again snowball into an inner and outer hell where I lose myself within as I have accepted and allowed just one more, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put a complete end to all abuse through putting a complete stop to the thoughts that are in separation of myself here in life, and that when/as allowing one thought to direct me I allow inevitably allow another thought to direct me which snowballs into/as separation of myself here as life, in this I commit myself to get to the point in me wherein I never again allow thoughts to direct me and that I am the single point within myself that cause direction of myself, directing myself as life in/as what is best for all in every moment through transforming my direction from within thought in/as separation of myself as life, into myself as life inevitably supporting myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-directive responsibility for myself through allowing myself to place my direction within the thoughts of having just one more, making justifications and excuses as to why I should not be here in breath directing myself and why I should participate just one more time in/as the separation of myself here as life, instead of stopping in that moment the justifications and excuses as why I should not take a breath and stop everything in that moment, bringing everything that is here back to myself in one breath and taking self-directive responsibility in/as this reality through taking direction of myself within breath, not allowing direction to be given to myself in/as thought as it is shown throughout the human world that the direction of/as thought has been completely abusive with the deforestation, the desertification, the starvation, the wasting of food while starvation exists, the poverty, the excessive luxury, all related back to the direction of/as thought within the experience of self as the mind ignoring self as life as who we are in fact and not allowing life as self to take direction of/as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just allow myself the abuse of myself just this once because I oh so want it and need it, because it makes me happy, because it presents a momentary light on this life of shit, in which I only allow myself to ignore the hell that has manifested here on this earth because of our actions here on this earth, allowing myself to avoid taking responsibility and standing, saying `Till Here No Further! Will I accept and allow this shit to continue within myself and there will be no more just one more, it ends!`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that if I accept this `just one more` point within myself and everyone in equality, accepting an allowing everyone `just one more`, this existence becomes fucked up once again through simply allowing `one more` thus I commit myself to not allowing myself to give into the one more and committing myself to forever stopping myself within  the mind through applying myself in writing, daily self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-correction until all that is left is me here breathing doing what is best for all in every breath that I take.



I commit myself to never allow the just one more experience to run me again and when/as I think just one more I stop immediately, take a breath and re-direct myself in that breath - directing myself in taking responsibility for myself here on this earth in/as cleaning up my mess of a life and mess of a self through bringing myself back here in/as breath stabilizing myself in/as breath in each moment, stopping the roller coaster ride within/as experience of self within the mind within energy.

I commit myself to stop living in/as the experience of myself in the moment, creating a point system within feeling good and/or feeling bad about the experience of myself creating life to be a game of attempting to win in/as having the best feelings all the time whilst ignoring the abuse that is taking place on this earth, in this I commit myself to letting go of myself in/as experience having the only `experience` of myself be myself here in breath through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty in application throughout time until all that remains is myself here in breath
 
I commit myself to take the time to learn and to develop the skill of self-direction in directing myself in breath in looking at what is here in front of me in breath and looking at myself in breath and in this directing myself from/as myself in each moment of myself breathing, committing myself to give myself the effort to get this done for myself through writing, applying self-forgiveness, in being self-honest with myself in who I am in each moment, in being diligent in the self-corrective actions until I have developed myself as myself where I am able to apply myself in each and every moment.

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