Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Day 53 - I Must Stop Doing This


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must stop doing this, whatever `this` is, in separation of myself, meaning I state I must stop thinking, or I must stop masturbating, or I must stop sleeping in so much, missing the fact that I am the participant in/as that `this`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see/realize/understand that I must stop myself within that which I am participating in as I am the problem, such as the money system where the money system is not the problem, how we are using it is the problem - who I am within that which I am participating in is the problem and my starting point in that which I accept and allowed myself to participate in is the problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that it is who I am within that which I participate in that is fucked up, that leads to the abuse within this world, wherein everything that is here is `cool` to an extent, it is only in who we are within that which we participate in that is fucked up, for example sports - where we compete with each other and abuse the body in the name of ego so we can attach value to ourselves as winners - where it is not a point of self expression = sports is cool, it is only who we are within the starting point that is fucked up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the quick way out of myself through stopping the `this` immediately, and forgetting about it; separating myself from the `this` through stating I must stop this as a point that is not me, instead of stating I must stop myself in how I have approached the point in which I am participating in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for participating in the point in which I am stating I must stop in separation of myself, using the judgment as an attack unto myself in attempts to get me to stop participating in that which I am participating in instead of understand who I am within the point in which I am participating in, in this being self honest in seeing clearly who I am in that which I am participating in, apply self-forgiveness within being self-honest and walk through myself in the point, not walking through the point in separation as the point is me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring the point in which I am stating I must stop out of anger and judgment back to myself, realizing that I must stop myself and change myself equal and one as the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach process within wanting an `easy way` out wherein I use judgment of myself to stop that which I participate in in separation of myself, meaning I judge myself as the point and thus judge the point which is separation instead of investigating myself in/as who I am within the point and change my starting point through bringing the point back to me in self-honesty wherein I have to investigate who I am within the point and change who I am within the point, and put in actual effort and clearly define myself in/as who I am within the point, stopping myself effectively within/as the point in which I continue to accept and allow abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to be self-honest through looking at who I am within that which I participate in, but instead I only look at that which I am participating in, judge it as if it is bad and negative in attempts to stop myself in it, allowing myself to continue the same patterns instead of being self-honest in seeing who I am in fact within that I participate in and forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become that which I have become in that which I have participated in myself, diving deeper into how I have created myself how I live here and correct that into what is best for all through being self-honest in who I am within the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-honest, fear taking the time to sit down and write myself out using the pen and paper or computer, and breathe while writing to make sure I am getting into the point within myself of who I am within the point that I have participated in, being self-honest, and changing that point into what is best for all life and stand equal and one to it through being self-honest - understanding myself in every dimension within the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to be self-honest in actually looking at who I am within the point through in fact looking at myself, instead use knowledge and information to define myself within the point, allowing myself to separate myself further from myself within the point through using information and knowledge to define myself within the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-honest in looking at myself within the point, going down to the minute details of myself within the point and clearly seeing who I am within the point and how I have separated myself within the point and whether or not there is abuse in the point and clearly, specifically, forgiving myself in how I have created myself within the point, letting go of myself within the point and re-scripting myself in the point in that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and judgmental of myself within the point that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in, separating myself further from the point, in this judgment and anger, allow it to fester the entire day in hoping that the build up of emotional punishment that I have placed upon myself will get me to stop participating in that which I have participated in, not allowing myself to properly investigate who I am within the point and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the point and stop myself absolutely within the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest because I then have to face who I have in fact accepted and allowed myself to become within each point that I participate in and stop myself in fact, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist changing to what is best for all because that means I have to stop things that I do not want to stop right now because I want them, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to exist in wants in separation from myself such as wanting to stop the point in which I am participating in, instead of stopping myself as the point, not allowing myself to realize that all I am in fact wanting is myself as life, and in this want I am separating myself from it here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe when looking at myself in the point, letting go of all reactions of judgments anger frustration, guilt, and take responsibility for MYSELF in the point and change ME in the point, forgiving MYSELF for existing as the point, bringing the point back here to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the key to myself as self-honesty, wherein self-honesty is who I have in fact become, and in this miss the clear sight into myself of who I have become, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on information and knowledge that I have held onto throughout my life to define myself within each point, not in fact seeing who I have become, but only assuming through a connection process of information and knowledge what is the MOST LIKELY assumption of who I am within that which I participate in, which is not in fact who I am, but only an assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself through refusing to be self-honest throughout process so far, only looking at that which I want to see within the starting point of ego and what I am willing to face, instead of looking at all that I have become and lived, stopping that which is in separation of myself here as life and stopping that which is not best for all, changing myself to equality and oneness and what is best for all through real self-correction through understanding who I am within each moment of breath.



I realize that I have not been self-honest throughout process yet and that I have not fully stood equal and one to myself in/as a point because I have separated myself from the point through attempting to stop the point instead of stopping myself in/as the point

I commit myself to developing self-honesty wherein I stand equal and one to myself in every moment, and in this self-honesty clearly see who I have become within the point, so that I am able to clearly see me as the point and so that I am able to effectively correct myself within the point

I commit myself to when/as I write out a point to give myself the time and patience to write it out effectively and clearly see how I have developed myself within the point, and push myself in self-honesty until I am standing equal and one to myself within the point seeing all of myself within the point and in this correct all of myself within the point to equality and oneness living what is best for all when/as I participate in the point again

I commit myself to walking self-honesty in more detail

I commit myself to walking self-honesty breath by breath developing an intimate relationship with myself where I am standing equal and one with myself in understanding of all of me in/as who and how I have created myself as in this life, and in this understanding in equality and oneness re-birth myself here as life through living the corrective statements

I realize that this is going to be a tough task and possibly one of the hardest things I have done in this life, thus I commit myself to have patience and diligence in walking with myself in developing more of an understanding of myself in self-honesty.

1 comment:

  1. cool self-insight points Paul, I am certain everyone walking the life process is /will be going through this, until we realize wtf we've in fact been doing to ourselves... Thanks for sharing this!

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