Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Day 61 - Oh, I'm Alone


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone and walking this process alone to the extent where I participate within many illusory conversations within the mind wherein I create ideas, scenarios, that act out like plays or movies all for the purpose of avoiding the fact that I am here alone, with myself alone and that I have to walk myself alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a relationship with another being so that I can reduce the fear of being alone through having someone to hang around with and in that someone to direct myself from allowing myself to abuse the other person through placing my emotions and feelings onto them, with hopes that their beingness will solve the emotional problems that I create within my own mind, instead of taking responsibility for myself and bringing the emotions and feelings I create back to myself and walk through them myself as I am the only one responsible for creating the emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into memories and trudge up a memory that I have placed within a positive context and `experience` that memory again in order to avoid being here alone and directing myself here alone within breath within the physical, instead of facing myself within the physical within breath, in stopping and removing the memories, take a breath and see that I am here alone, that I have myself and in that realize that the memories are only but an illusion that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue due to the fear of being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as comfort through allowing myself to remain the same and remain in the ignorance of the fear of being alone through using the thoughts to separate myself from the reality that I am here and that I alone am responsible for myself and that I am alone here directing myself and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the thoughts and give myself the courage to walk myself without thoughts that I use as comfort to become ignorant of the fear of being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create many `me's` within the mind wherein I stand with me, myself, and I as all separate manifestations of myself that I have created within the mind in order to not have to face this life alone, in order to not have to realize that I am here in this world where many starve in a world of plenty, where people die daily due to the negligence of other people, and that I have to life in this world, so I instead created a false world within the mind that I have used to shelter myself off from the atrocities within the world, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there will be no shelter from the physical abuse that is taking place on this Earth at a rapid pace, and that we all are going to have to face what we have accepted and allowed to exist through our abdication of responsibility for this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shelter and separate myself from the physical world through creating a vast mental reality wherein I allow myself to escape from the physical world and all the abuse that is taking place here on Earth all in order to ignore the abuse on this Earth, so that I can remain within a state of relative happiness while all life is abused and suppressed in the physical, allowing myself to be an abuser through not doing anything to stop the abuse, but to instead allow myself to continue to exist in the mental reality because of the fear of being alone in a world of abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create voices within the head that I call thoughts wherein I then start to believe that I am those thoughts, and in this creation use thoughts as a point of comfort and security to not face the fact that I am here alone responsible for myself here in the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself back to me when thinking and projecting into scenarios, taking myself back to me meaning that I bring myself back here in breath in realizing that I am still alone here within the direction of myself and that I still have to exist in this world of hell until it is sorted out by all of us in agreement to make this world a better place, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility to myself in making sure that I am doing what is best for all and that I am doing my best to create a world that is best for all through allowing myself to create backchat and conversation with illusory voices and words within the mind in order to give me comfort, when really it only allows myself to not see me in who I actually am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think thoughts in which I have conversations with myself within the mind in order to not face the fact that I am here alone and that I am all that I will ever have in life as I am only ever able to have myself, and in this think the conversation in order to make myself believe that I am with someone, and in this literally believe that I have company and interaction with a being through creating the voices within the mind of conversation, not allowing myself to face myself here in the physical of what I have in fact accepted and allowed myself to become and in this walk this self that I have created into living equality and oneness within the application of living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to converse with myself within the mind about random topics and envision illusory scenarios within the mind in order to not face the fact that I am here alone with myself in this world and that I alone am responsible for myself and in this I forgive myself thaT I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to walking this process alone and in this walking this process alone, make sure that I am stable in myself within the interaction within this physical reality, making sure that I do what is best for all within the physical interaction, not allowing myself to give into love, light, and laughter within communication with other beings due to a fear of standing alone, wherein I will laugh and put on a smile so that I am more `accepted` within a group or to a person instead of standing alone in/as the direction with myself, not needing to put on a façade in order to get someone to accept me so that I can then reduce the fear of walking alone in this world, not realizing that in this I am only confirming the fear, and only further building the fear, wherein if I stop putting on the façade I then am reducing the fear in fact, as I am then standing as me in this world in support of a life that is best for all life in this world.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smile at other people and use enticing gestures and words of/as positivity to hide the fact that I am in fact afraid and fearful of walking this life alone in standing in a position of absolution of disagreement with how reality has been operating and existing due to our hands in this world as humanity and what we as humanity have created due to our participation in this world, in this not needed to put on a façade of happiness or positivity, but to stand in absolution of the point of loving thy neighbour as thyself, which is not positivity, and doing what is best for all life within the realization of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and want a relationship in order to gain the positivity that I have looked for, because of the fear of walking myself as what I have created myself as within/as life, alone and facing the fact that I alone am responsible for myself and that I alone must correct myself, not seeing or realizing in the search for a relationship that I am in fact abdicating responsibility towards myself for creating myself and that I am then placing the responsibility for myself within another through the want of a relationship in order to walk myself with another person, allowing abuse to take place because I am not in fact taking responsibility for myself but allowing myself to place responsibility for myself onto another being, in which I then allow myself to project and enforce my emotions and feelings onto another person which is unacceptable!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the courage to face myself alone in this world using the opportunity as this life to walk myself alone in/as the living conditions that I live within as the majority of my time is spent alone, in this developing an effective relationship with myself through directing myself within what needs to be done here and directing myself to make this world a life that is worth living for all life in existence, and walk this alone until it is done, not needing anyone to stand with me as that is delusion and limitation

I commit myself to when/as I start to create voices within the head and/or scenarios in which I start to participate in as if they are real, I stop I breathe, I bring myself back to the physical reality within breath and direct myself within breath here in the physical reality directing myself within the focus of making this life a life worth living for all life here through doing proper investigation into this world and myself equal and one, working towards the point where I stand equal and one to myself in all ways and this world in all ways, not through knowledge, but through living.

I commit myself to stopping the backchat of conversation when I start to allow it and immediately redirect myself within walking alone the process that I must walk as myself.

I commit myself to investigate the point of needing to be happy around other to stop the fear of being alone, and in this commit myself to develop a relationship with myself to the point where I stand equal and one with myself in the direction of making this world best for all life, through changing myself and doing the necessary steps to implement an equal money system

I commit myself to stop searching for a relationship and to establish a relationship with myself wherein I stand infinitely with myself in walking myself as life into living equality and oneness and what is best for all life, in this not allowing myself to delude myself with thoughts around a relationship.

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