Friday, June 15, 2012

Day 63 - Stressing Myself Out


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out through placing the responsibilities that I have within the day as writing this blog, working on an English course assignment, writing down the blood sugar levels throughout the day, in separation from myself as something that I must do and in this must having to get myself to do it instead of placing them here as me and walking this in breath as a point of pushing myself in taking responsibility for myself in this world, as I must take responsibility for educating myself within the system and I must take responsibility for the health of the body within having diabetes, in this breathe the solution of taking responsibility for myself and stand equal and one to the responsibilities that I currently have in this world and walk them in breath standing  equal and one as the responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the responsibilities that I have during the day and in this separation have to push myself to do them wherein I end up creating a stress upon myself for constantly having to push myself to do them as there is a conflict in this where I resist it yet I push myself to do the work, to write this out, to maintain the blood sugar levels causing myself to stress myself because of the inner conflict wherein I still allow myself to consider the resistance of working on the task in front of me instead of stopping the resistance and standing equal and one to walking the assignment that is in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fact that I am resisting working on the assignments and pushing myself in writing because I realize what I am in fact accepting and allowing within giving into the resistance which will lead to me giving up on myself as life and in this giving up on all life, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider giving into the resistance of taking responsibility for myself in walking these tasks until they are complete in standing equal and one to each task, each writing, each test, and do the best that I can in walking the point into the best possible outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out because of the fear of giving into the resistance of taking responsibility for myself in this world because of the realization that if I give into the resistance I then am effectively ending myself as self-direction and giving into the mind instead of directing myself here in each moment utilizing breath to assist and support myself in walking myself here in this lifetime to do what is best for all life and to stop the illusory life that I have been living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out because I have not been doing the english assignments in this causing stress because of realizing that if I do not get this done in the best way that I can get it done I am going to time loop and have to walk it all over again, only allowing myself to prolong facing myself and prolong my process of removing myself from the illusory self that I have created and believed myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am stressing myself out because I am not in fact applying myself daily in the responsibilities that I have to do, not doing a bit each day until it is complete, and in this not taking on the responsibilities I allow myself to stress about the fact that I have not done the responsibilities and that I am allowing myself to accumulate unnecessary shit within me that only builds the resistances and pressures that I am putting on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to writing this out each morning, to working on english each day and to record what I have ate and the sugar levels each day through breathing and placing myself here equal and one to the actions, not allowing myself to move into the mind within a projected belief of/as/how the point will play out or operate or a future consequence of the action and to not allow myself to give into the resistance but to stay here within breath as the directive principle of myself in getting this done, this done meaning making sure that I have done everything that I can in this lifetime to make this world a world worth living in for all future life to live here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself through projecting myself now into the future and seeing the resistance persist and seeing the resistance build as I slowly give way to the mind in this environment, and in this stress myself out in pushing myself to get done what I have to get done in the day wherein I then give into the resistance, somedays, and allow the fear of the future of what my life may turn out like if I continue to live like this and not take absolute self-direction and apply myself to my best ability in each moment, placing myself here, standing one and equal to what I must do in this lifetime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future of my education while I am working on the assignment within the English course, in this seeing possible playouts of the future if I continue the resistance to working effectively on the assignment and in this fear the resistance that I am creating and not moving through because of seeing the consequence of giving into the resistance and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through the resistance and get it done in standing equal and one to the responsibility but to allow myself to resist getting it done, only allowing the stress to build within me to the point of a collapse.

I forgive myself thaT I have accepted and allowed myself to want life to be easy, to expect life to be easy, to expect things to be served to me and not have to put in the work that I have to put in to take responsibility for this world, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to define myself in the manner through the relation of having it be `easy` through the tool of money for example if I need a new computer I simply shell out money and I instantly have a computer where this is different as I must put in the physical effort and time to get the consequence that I am aiming for in this lifetime as a life that I am able to support myself and others as life in this world, as a point where I am able to effectively contribute to establishing an equal money system in order to support life in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want this to be easy, not realizing that this is literally going to be the hardest thing I have done because I am changing my pre-programmed nature and taking responsibility for myself in this world as this world in making sure that I am in an effective place within the world system wherein I am able to support life, wherein I am able to give my life to life, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself fully to life, but to keep myself held back within the mind as shown within the resistance where I am holding onto parts of myself as who I believe myself to be, instead of unconditionally letting them go and get this done here, apply myself here forever more and get this done in this lifetime so that we as life don't continue to exist in this hell of an existence where life suffers constantly and where life is being annihilated to the point of no return

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that this is the choice that I must make, I must choose whether I am life or I am self-interest, in choosing whether or not to push past all the resistances to taking responsibility for this life in getting the English done and moving on, in continuing to investigate and support myself in these writings, in continuing to investigate solutions to `abnormalities` within the blood sugar reading and to effectively implement solutions to the points through the investigations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am and have become in/as this world and life because as I see the resistance I only see me giving into the resistance and in this I fear only me because I see me in relation to who I am to resistance and self-interest, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear to who I am instead of living solutions within/through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-corrective application, in this stopping the illusion of the fear of who I am and live a the solution as myself in this life time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overwhelm myself in walking this process because of seeing the large walk ahead of me instead of sticking to practical assistance with myself as walking one breath at a time making sure that who I am in each breath in life and if I miss a breath, correct myself in that breath until I make sure that I am breath, taking it one breath at a time, stopping the projection into the vastness of the mind and taking on one point at a time as each breath, in this stopping stressing myself out through overwhelming myself in looking at the entire manifestation of myself within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that walking process is more than me, that it is something that is much larger than me, failing to realize that walking process is walking myself, and that I am in fact equal and one to walking process because process is me, as I am processing myself from the pre-programmed self into a self that supports life, that is life in each breath

I commit myself to walk this process one breath at a time, walking who I am in each breath to make sure that I am here in each breath as the self-directive principle in taking responsibility for myself in this world and giving up self-interest, pushing past self-interest and walking myself in this one breath at a time until this life is a life worth living, until I am here in breath as life, until an equal money system in implemented in this world ensuring a dignified life for all life on this Earth

I commit myself to stop stressing myself out within looking at the road ahead and sticking to myself here in each breath, letting go of the projection of who I am into the future and in this walk myself here one breath at a time, focusing on what I am doing in each breath as that is all that there really is as no future breaths have been breathed and all past breaths are dead and gone, in this I commit myself to walk myself within practicality in taking on one point at a time and correcting that point with assistance in writing self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-corrective application, walking the one point until it is done, not allowing myself to attempt to run from myself but to walk with myself side by side in assistance and support of myself.



I commit myself to working on the responsibilities daily and in this building up an accumulation of trust that I will will myself in walking this process in stopping the resistances to working on english, walking myself in each breath while working on the assignments, walking my best in each breath, developing myself in trust of myself and in this stopping all fears of who I am.

I commit myself to not allow myself to give into the stress of a built up projection of who I am into the future and in this stick to one breath at a time focusing on what I am doing in each breath, focusing on myself in each breath and directing myself in each breath within what is best for all, stopping all accumulation of stress and a feeling of being overwhelmed with the idea of what I have to walk.

I commit myself to go slow with myself through taking on each breath, breath by breath and to stop the projection into the future of what ifs walking myself here in each breath.

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