Sunday, June 17, 2012

Day 65 - Beating Myself up With Judgment


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for thinking, using the judgment as if it is motivation for me to stop thinking, not realizing or seeing that I am only creating a mass of conflict within myself when I allow myself to judge myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-judgment as if it is useful, as if it is a means to get me to stop doing that which I judge myself for in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with myself where I allow myself to judge myself for a lot of the actions that I do, for a lot of the choices that I make, all in attempts to move myself in the `right` way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to move myself in the`right` way within a choice by using judgment on a previous choice that is similar one to the one that I currently make so that I can hold onto the judgment of myself as a good person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself so that I can blind myself with the judgment of myself to hold onto the belief that I am a good person, a benevolent being, judging myself in all ways so that I can hold onto the sliver of positive judgment that I have placed on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing the fact that I judge myself in many of my decisions in life, in many of my ` attributes` in many aspects of myself, and in this resistance to allow myself to continue the relationship with myself wherein I allow myself to continue to judge myself instead of stopping this game of judgment and walking with myself in equality and oneness effectively investigating myself through the stopping of judgment and walking with myself with doing what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop judging myself because I believe that judgment gives me power, that judgment is the ultimate is the decision in life, in this holding onto to judgment so that I continue to allow myself to judge myself and other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as I judge myself as if this is acceptable in any way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that judgment is not necessary in life, that it only leads to distorted perceptions about reality and the actions taken in reality, and that to judge only creates unnecessary conflict within myself that I only then burden myself with, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with these judgments of myself as life and hold onto these burdens as sins that I must correct in myself, not allowing myself to stop judging myself and let go of the illusory burdens that I have placed on myself and actually live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the burdens that I place on myself are the judgments in fact and that I have been burdening and weighing myself down with the judgments of my decisions and that I have placed a false value onto the actions that I commit myself to within the belief of morality always judging myself as good and bad in attempts to fight with myself to get myself to do `good` within the perceived definition of good and in that live as the definition of good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to war with myself because of the judgments that I hold of myself of being bad - warring with myself in attempts to get myself to good, not realizing that war is not a solution to the judgments of being bad or the perception of myself as being bad and that the war is in fact showing me that I am not doing what is best for all nor that good is good, because if I war with myself to get myself to good I then have a warped idea of what is good as I destroy myself with judgments to get myself to see myself as good, just like in TV shows when I was a kid where the heroin would destroy and war with the villain in order to make the situation turn out positive, not realizing that it would be much easier for good to do good in fact to submit itself to bad and become `bad` and walk in agreement with bad, thus stopping the war that exists between good and bad
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and live the realization that there is not good or bad in this world in fact, there only is, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand in the shoes of another and apply common sense within equality and oneness and what is best for all in giving that which I would like to be given to me, not allowing what is best for all to be defined by good but as something that I would simply like done unto me and in this not allowing the person nor myself be defined by my own judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use judgment as a point of flagellation where I beat up on myself for being a `sinner` through judgment in order to make myself whole again as a form of repentance for the sins that I have done within/as the judgments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto what I was taught about Christianity, god, religion, etc when I was a child being raised in a catholic school system as shown through the points that I allow myself to judge myself within/as and not let go, and shown through how I beat up on myself within judgments for the apparent `sins` I have committed, instead of forgiving myself and forgiving the system for allowing such an atrocity to be brought unto life in this world, and stand up from it not allowing it to continue to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use judgment as a point of salvation for the perceptive bad actions that I have committed, using judgment as a point to attempt to redeem myself as life and as a good creature, a benevolent being, so that I can remain in my own `good graces`, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all of this judgment of good and bad, right and wrong, is absolutely bullshit and only a point in which I enslave myself within and that there is not such thing as my good graces or god's good graces but only what is and what is not best for all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a moral judgment within what is best for all and not best for all as good and bad, in this allowing myself to further the enslavement of myself as judging myself for being bad and not good, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that the judgment that I create in attempting to be good is in fact accepting that I am bad and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight with myself in the belief that I am good and admit that I am in fact `bad` within the definition of it all, in this accepting myself in/as how I currently am and without judgment, but a living statement of do unto others what I would want done unto me, change my actions into a reflection of that statement, not doing `good` within the perception of it but creating a life that I would like to live for myself here on this world and for all others in this world as a mirror reflection of myself - meaning that I give as I would like to receive as a point of equality between each person as myself as a point of common sense as that (the giving and receiving) is how I would like to live life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not in fact looking for a solution to the point that I am judging but attempting to immediately absolve myself from the point that I am judging through the judgment and that I use the judgment to continue the actions in that which I am judging, in this not living that self-corrective takes physical application for it to be lived and me as life as it as solution.

I commit myself to when and as I judge myself for any action that I do, is to admit to myself that I am in fact doing that action and that the action I am standing equal and one to and in this investigate with self-honesty who I am in fact in the actions that I am doing and whether or not I would like to live that into eternity and whether or not if it is in fact what is best for all and in this forgive myself for judging myself and walk a self corrective action within/as the physically lived application of myself.

I commit myself to understanding myself entirely in the point of self-judgment as I realize that it is a point that has encompassed my reality for quite sometime as I was brought up under the veil of religion and have kept that veil over my eyes even to this day, and in this understanding myself to live a solution in fact as judgment is no solution but an attempt at absolution of the apparent `sins`, wherein a solution is to not `sin` at all

I commit myself to completely remove the belief of what is good and bad and to walk in the shoes of what I believe is bad to in fact understand what I have perceived is bad and apply forgiveness in walking in the shoes of the bad for believing bad to be bad and not simply what it is.

I commit myself to let go of all judgment of myself through forgiveness and self-corrective application and to be self-honest in the judgments of myself.

I commit myself to show that religion in the veil of morality is in fact a harm and destruction to life through continuing to allow the sins to exist and not stop because of the supposed absolution within judgment, and that the judgement is not in fact a solution to the `sins` because it does not change a damned thing.

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