Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 66 - Keeping Myself Focused


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start work on an assignment and shortly after I start to work on my assignment, to distract myself with something else that could use my attention but does not necessarily need my attention right now, and decide to go and do that because of the excuse that it needs my attention in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my decision making process through arguing for my limitations in deciding to avoid staying focused and on task and to do something else that is not of complete priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with passing thoughts while I work on a task, allowing myself to look at the passing thoughts until one arises that I accept and allow and then start to move in that direction of the thought instead of staying here stable in breath, stopping all thoughts that arise and continue to work on the task in breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility of myself for working on a task and sticking to the task through allowing myself to be directed through thoughts wherein I am thus then not the directive within myself as myself - being responsible for directing myself - but allowing thoughts to direct me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stay within breath and continue to keep myself within breath when working on a task, continuing to breath while working on the task until it is done or until it is time to do something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about other tasks that I could be doing instead of working on the task that I am currently working on, allowing myself to scroll through the list I have created within the mind of what I must do or what I can do until I find something that I agree with which I manipulate myself with thoughts of until I end up submitting to changing my direction to that of the direction through thoughts instead of breath, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the distracting thoughts are resistances to working on the task that I am working on and a resistance to staying in breath and directing myself within the task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work on a task that I must do and that is priority at the time for 20 minutes to an half hour and then do something else that I have decided to do through thought processes excusing myself from doing the work through believing and defining that I have done enough work on the subject/task for today because I have related it to my past where I have previously decided to not work on it at all, in this allowing myself to say that I have done enough because I have not done anything previously and then allow myself to go and do something else, which only allows me to take longer on working on the task/subject through excusing myself from continuing to work on it longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately open up an internet browser and search through emails, and facebook when I am working on a task with the computer that does not need internet when I have a stray thought in relation to working on the task, wherein I allow myself to stray away from working on the task through following the stray thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist pushing myself in staying focused through pushing past the point wherein I say that I have done enough for the day, and continue to stay focused within breath, stopping thoughts, and continue working on the task until something else of priority comes up or until I am done and have gone over my work to check for errors and mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself past the point of giving up and following a thought through continuing to stop thoughts and say no to thoughts through breathing through them, meaning that when they come up I breathe I let go and continue to stay focused, using this point to develop self-direction within breath in absolution and working/walking with a point until it is complete or until there is something else that needs my immediate attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scroll through the list of memories held within the mind while I am working on a task or assignment and look for anything that I am able to give my attention to within/as the memories or thoughts instead of being direct with myself in applying myself in breath in stopping the thoughts as they arise and stick to breath being here with every word that I write, every movement that I make, every breath I take and direct myself within breath allowing myself to stop the constant fluctuation of direction that exists when I use the mind to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind to direct myself when working on an assignment, which only allows me to skip sentences, skip words, skip myself being here in the attempt to put out everything that runs through me within the mind, instead of using breath to direct myself within the writings/homework that I do wherein I take in every moment within breath and am able to stay aware of what I am in fact writing, allowing myself to focus on making what I write comprehendible and fluent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist breathing while writing with myself here in the physical, resist it through allowing myself to go into the mind and start a thought process wherein I distract myself from the touch of the paper, keyboard, pen, etc while I am writing, wherein I distract myself from focusing on what I am writing and distracting myself from walking the writing slowly breath by breath making sure that it is understandable and comprehensive and within the guideline of/as the structure that is set up within homework or schooling courses, not allowing myself to make sure that I am as effective as possible within the structure of that which I am doing as the task through using breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself to thoughts while working on an assignment or task which only allows me to distract myself from being here with myself as the writings that I write as the work that I put in within the task, instead of sticking to myself here in breath  and focusing on myself in what I am doing within the task, focusing on the words, focusing on the mathematical structure of the wording as comprehension and focusing on keeping myself focused on the task using breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the thoughts that I have while working on assignments and tasks but to allow the to pass through me until I give into one of them, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of myself while I am working on a task, being aware of the thoughts that arise and have enough awareness to stop myself from participating in the thoughts and continue to direct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the patience to walk with myself in these distracting thoughts, wherein I realize that I have given myself away to this system design and that it is going to take time and effort to walk myself out of it, meaning that even as I have written this I have gone into thoughts and allowed myself to distract myself from staying focused here in writing this and to go and read news articles while I am midway through a forgiveness statement, only to come to an awareness after a while and realize what I am doing, move back into direction within writing this and realize that I did not finish the statement and that I have to take the time to walk the statement again, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for immediately doing that which I have forgiven, not realizing that self-corrective application is going to take my awareness of myself here and that I am going to need to develop that awareness with practice and patience

I commit myself to while I am working on an assignment to do the best that I can in keeping focused on the assignment within the time that I have allotted for the assignment and that when I come to an awareness that I have allowed myself to stray away into a thought pattern and process to breathe and bring myself back into direction and again re-focus myself, in this I commit myself to repeat this pattern until I am able to direct myself infinitely and absolutely in all moments in all breaths.

I commit myself to do what is necessary within immediacy in relation to having to stray away from focusing myself on the task and then once I am done with the point that needed immediate direction, to again re-focus myself utilizing breath and continue to keep myself focused and apply myself within focus and direction within the task that I am focusing myself within/as.

I commit myself to walking this point in practicality wherein I give myself the patience in walking this point to stop judgment and I give myself the effort to keep myself within breath and continually stop thoughts, and to re-direct myself in all ways when I stray away from focus

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