Friday, June 22, 2012

Day 70 - A Case of the Fuck its


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought `fuck it` in relation to getting up in the morning and continuing the routine that I normally move through in the mornings that is best suited for me, in this thought `fuck it` decide to sabotage myself through not giving myself breath in the morning through not giving myself to myself being here, but go into a emotional reaction where I decide to `fuck it`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further sabotage myself with the thought `fuck it` because I have chosen to sabotage myself recently and in this sabotage not want to face the fact that I chose sabotage rather than support, in this attempting to avoid the anger, frustration, judgment, loathing that I have developed unto myself for sabotaging myself in the first place, not realizing that I am only sabotaging myself further and creating a further fuck up within/as myself in regards to self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose self-sabotage instead of doing what is best for me, which in it's self seems quite an obvious choice to make, yet still I decide to sabotage myself in order to experience energy in this lifetime or in order to fall into self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself physically resist moving myself throughout the day and give into a resistance through allowing myself to think the thought `fuck it` wherein I go into a apathetic feeling in regards to myself as life and start to not care about myself as life more and more and where I end up sabotaging myself more, only building the emotional charge further and further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that saying fuck it is not going to solve anything and that I am still going to have to live with myself and the choices that I make - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the choices wherein I am satisfied with living with myself where I am `cool` from the perspective of accepting myself being myself through/as making the choices that support what is best for all, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must live with myself either way so it is best for me to live with myself in a `good` relationship with myself where I choose to do what is best for myself as life and take care of myself as life instead of sabotage myself in life creating a hateful, spiteful relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in saying or thinking `fuck it` that I am in fact accepting myself the way that I am and in this accepting the world as it is through giving up basically through/as stating fuck it, instead of stating that I am walking through this as my own will, and in this walk through the emotional reaction that I have created to sabotaging myself and decide to do what is best for me in walking through the emotional reaction and the want to further sabotage myself and decide to do what is best for me as life - to forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I chose to sabotage myself, and in this not realizing that I chose to sabotage myself ignore that I am responsible for the sabotage point, and in this ignorance decide to separate myself from the choice and go into an emotional reaction of judgment and loathing for deciding to sabotage myself, instead of understanding that I made the choice to sabotage myself, accept that I made that choice and forgive myself for making that choice and decide to choose to not sabotage myself hereon out but to support myself as life doing what is best for me as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that humanity has a disease of self-sabotage as that is what we are currently living in relation to ourselves in this world, where we are sabotaging our existence with pollution, with deforestation, with the raping of resources from the earth, where we are tearing up land to build a plethora of houses all for profit, all the while realizing what we are in fact doing to this world and ourselves equally, and still decide to continue on the same path that we are on, which is effectively committing suicide as the human race

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why it is difficult for the human to make the choice that supports all life and why the human continues to destroy itself in this lifetime without consideration of stopping what we are doing and living a solution to what we are doing which is killing ourselves and all life on this planet, in this investigate why I make the choice to sabotage myself instead of do what is best for me as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in saying fuck it continue on with the emotional rampage that I've accepted and allowed myself to live within through sabotaging myself, in this saying fuck it to life as me as I then decide to further support the mind in deciding to go into emotional reactions instead of standing up from the emotional reactions and decide to do what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in saying/thinking `fuck it` to continue to choose to sabotage myself wherein I say fuck it because I do not want to move as the solution of deciding to do what is best for me as life but to continue in the self-loathing due to the sabotage of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cycle within myself in relation to supporting myself and sabotaging myself in this allowing myself to go into polar cycles where I continue to accept and energy from both poles of the polarity in order to experience life instead of live life in consistency of doing what is best for me as life in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing myself in relation to self-sabotage through allowing myself ot think the thought `fuck it` instead of facing who I am in the relationship with myself and living a solution of what is best for me in this changing the relationship with myself from self-sabotaging to self-supporting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for thinking the thought `fuck it` and seeing the consequences of the thought, and in this judgment only allowing myself to further the relationship with myself of self-sabotage because the judgment does not solve anything in fact, it only allows the problem to be layered with another point in this I forgive myself thaT I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must make the choice to stop the relationship I have created with myself and while stopping the relationship I have created with myself develop a new relationship with myself in supporting myself here as life in breath and in this doing what is best for me as life in breath in making sure that I stick to a strict pattern of support for myself and if I waver from that support to immediately place myself back on track through the decision to support myself as life, in this stopping the relationship of falling off track in self-sabotage and furthering the sabotage when I have fallen off the track I have set for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that humanity is living a life of self-sabotage through/as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in relation to ourselves as life where we destroy life and consequently destroy ourselves as life while we search for an experience, and in this destroying life we blame things, we blame people, we blame the conditions of the system instead of taking responsibility for creating this system in fact as ourselves and in this responsibility decide to support what is best for all life and stop the competition on the world stage in this deciding to work together to support a life that is best for all because without all working together for the benefit of all we will not create what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, blame, and separate myself from the choice of sabotaging myself, looking for a way to not take responsibility for making the choice to willingly sabotage myself as life so that I can call myself the victim here instead of taking responsibility for what I have created unto myself and change this lifestyle into one that supports myself as life, where I stand equal and one to myself as life in all ways in supporting myself as life



I commit myself to stopping myself from stating fuck it and living the relationship with myself that is involved with saying fuck it and in this to live what is best for me, not saying fuck it, but deciding to not fuck it all and support myself as life

I commit myself to when and as I go into a point of self-sabotage where I decide to live the thought `fuck it` to stop in that moment and in one breath re-direct myself within what is best for me as life and in this breath move myself in the physical to take responsibility for myself in doing what I understand as best for me in that moment, living what is best for me and deciding to live what is best for me

I commit myself to changing the relationship with myself from self-sabotage to self support as life in manifesting a life that is best for me as life in this committing myself to changing my nature from sabotage and destruction of myself as life to supporting myself as life in supporting myself to living what is best for me as life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop blame in relation to sabotaging myself and take responsibility for making the choice to sabotage myself

I commit myself to show how humanity is living within self-sabotage in this commit myself to changing myself into support for myself as life showing that human nature is able to change through making the decision and putting in the effort to support self as life

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