Monday, June 25, 2012

Day 73 - Positively Psychotic


At work more often than not my experience of myself is negative - it is who I have created myself in relation to working and being in the environment of work. So the past week I have been in this experience without a change until I started to think about a new job about the money within a new job, about a new place of work and not being `stuck` in the place that I am currently working. So I went absolutely insane in this where I become incredibly happy and excited as a polar opposite to the experience. I was laughing randomly, I was singing to myself, I was talking to myself, I was yelping for fun, It could be defined as insane in the societal definition of the word. I caught myself doing this and was completely aware, so I decided to do something about it because I asked myself the question if I was breathing or not and it was clear that I was not breathing - meaning that I was not with myself in breath but with myself in the mind creating this positive experience and `acting out` . As I caught myself I started to apply myself in breath which worked for a while but then I started to give into the experience bit by bit where I would laugh with excitement, then calm myself down in breath, then go into excitement again and slowly I gave into living that experience again. This is only the result of allowing myself to go into an experience of negativity while I'm at work, where I don’t talk to many people and I allow myself to beat up on myself at work with thoughts instead of be within breath and stand equal with myself at work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the polar opposite of a depression, heavy negativity of a light and excitable positivity to exist as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as an experience of positivity in regards to allowing myself to live as an experience of negativity for the most of the time at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that both experiences of negativity and positivity are not real, that both are only but an illusion as shown that with breath all the experiences stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into the polar opposite of how I usually create myself at work when I have allowed myself to express myself and in this take the polar opposite to the extreme where I start to become psychotically happy and start to act out and `feel good` as well to allow myself to continue the feeling through the time I experience it instead of standing up in that moment and bringing myself back here in breath and stop the illusion that I have participated in as extreme happiness in relation to the negativity that I build up during work, and walk myself here in the physical participating with myself here in the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the opportunity to be with myself here in breath as life while I am at work and equalize myself to myself as life when I am at work through allowing myself to not stop myself in the positivity that I was creating absolutely, but to allow myself to only momentarily stop it then give into the feeling of positivity and happiness after a few moments of myself in breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in the moment of placing myself In breath and stopping the feeling of being extremely happy to live the realization that it is absolutely not real in any way what so ever and in that dedicate myself to stopping the experience of myself in that moment and stand equal and one to myself in the experience and stop it completely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the positivity is quite strong when I participate in it and that it is hard to let go of, which I experience it as hard to let go of, in this not realizing that it is only a breath and a decision to let go of the experience and bring myself back here in breath, same goes for all experiences. And to direct myself here within the physical touch sound and movement within what is best for myself as life and all as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself equal and one to the experience of being `overwhelmingly` happy and to in this not stop the experience of positivity because I did not stand equal and one to the decision to completely put an end to the illusory experience of the happiness that I was creating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of negativity, of a depression of a lull while I am at work because I believe and perceive myself to be stuck in the position that I am in for the rest of my life, having to work the job that I am working for the rest of my life, in this allowing myself to create myself as the experience of being depressed for much of the time that I spend here on Earth because life heavily revolves around money and work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the opposite experience of a complete happiness experience when I realize that I am not completely stuck in one job and in one place for the rest of my life and in this allow myself to go `out of control` with the happiness and excitement due to the constant bombardment of thoughts revolving around being stuck and being useless in life and having to live out a life that I do not enjoy living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and live the realization that this life is my life and that who I am in relation to myself is all my creation and doing, and that I have the decision to stick myself in one place for the rest of my life or to decide to apply myself in a different industry or decide to get an education and decide to apply myself in making the life that I would like for myself, and in this give this life to all that I possibly can in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the life that I am living through accepting the positivity that I experienced meaning that I gave into the experience of the positivity to hold me over for the next while and to perceive that this life is not `so bad` to which I then accept this life as living and do not apply myself any further in creating the life that I would like to live for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that the positive experience is only there to quell the desire for a better life, and that the positive experience is only there to get one to submit to this life, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I create the positive experience and I get myself to submit to this life through not giving myself to courage and will to actually take myself in the physical and learn something and apply myself in a different area that allows me to make a life that I would like to live and that allows me to give life back to life and stop the abuse and raping of life as is existent now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself as creator of myself and the experiences that I create, and in this give my power away to the thoughts and energy that exist as the experience that I create and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not clearly see what thoughts came up in relation to the experience and forgive myself for thinking the thoughts and separating myself from myself here as life through the creation of the experience and thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about working at a new job that pays more money and gives me more `freedom` and in this create an experience of absolute positivity wherein I then allow myself to exponentially expand the experience and make it a massive positively psychotic experience due to the build of negative thoughts that I created in relation to being stuck in this life, stuck in living this life that I am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the decision in what I accept and allowed within myself and in this I am the decision of what I accept and allow myself become in relation to this life and in relation to myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mask my decision of what I accept and allow behind a veil of emotions and feelings in which I then do not realize that I am responsible for myself and what I have created for/as myself because of the lack of teaching of self-investigation, in this believing that I am only then subject to the experience of the emotions thoughts and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move into the positive polarity at seeing that I have the ability to make a change in my life and in this separate myself from the actual physical reality of change in the breath by breath time space movement of and as the change but to allow myself to immediately go into an energy of positivity due the polarity of the experience that I `normally` create within myself, and to then blind myself from real actual change because of the positive energy

I commit myself to when and as I move into a positive polarity about my experience of myself in this life to stop and breathe and in this breathing to immediately re-direct myself here in the physical, stopping myself each time I see myself move into the positive experience and to continuously and diligently bring myself back here in breath ad direct myself here in the physical reality, stopping the emotions and feeling that blind me from actually seeing what is real as me here in breath

I commit myself to stopping the experience of myself in this life of both positive and negative experience and to birth myself here in breath where the experience of myself here is the physical existence

I commit myself to making the choice to not allow myself to be stuck in this life nor define it as `stuck` and in this make the decision to apply myself in this world and in this system wherein I create a life for me that is with dignity and give this life to all through support of the Equal Money System where Life is valued

1 comment:

  1. Cool, I often walk into positive-negative and vice versa experiences.

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