Thursday, June 28, 2012

Day 76 - Fear of Being High (It's not what you think)


If you Can't read it - It says that the Blood Sugar is 31.8
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing my blood sugar being higher than what it is `supposed` to be at

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect seeing the blood sugar levels high (above 8) to seeing myself as a failure and in this defining myself as a failure each time that I see the blood sugar levels high, instead of realizing that each time that the blood sugar is high it is an opportunity to apply myself in correcting the actions through self-investigation to what lead the sugars to become high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to develop a ratio of carbohydrates to insulin units through investigating how the sugar level became excessively increased, a ratio that is factor related as I have realized that a set ratio of carbohydrates to insulin units is not completely effective in managing the sugar all the time because there are various factors that affect the blood sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I fear the blood sugar being high that I am not going to be able to effectively manage the high blood sugars in doing a proper dose of insulin for being high - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do a large dose of insulin when I am high causing myself to go low and create a constant back and forth of blood sugar levels causing harm and abuse to the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not test the blood sugar level when I eat because of the fear of knowing that I am high and then in this confirming all that I have defined myself within/as being high such as a failure, through seeing the blood sugar high instead of testing unconditionally to take the best care of myself as life as a diabetic

I realize that testing is tremendously important in relation to being a diabetic as this is the cross reference point of a correct insulin dose or not and it allows me to observe the trends of the blood sugar levels and at which points in time they raise above the normal body regulated levels

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inject insulin because I believe that this is how much I need to do for what I am eating based on past patterns instead of recording the amount of carbohydrates I have ate and the insulin dosage and the differences in blood sugar levels before and after and cross reference this point with other days that I have ate the same foods and carbohydrates at the same time in order to grasp the changes in insulin sensitivity thus becoming an effective living being in support of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inject insulin without testing the blood sugar first to get a cross reference point on the blood sugar level, because I fear seeing the numbers above where they should be.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must always keep the blood sugar levels between 4 and 8 and that if I don't I am a failure because this is what life does for itself and that I as myself fail at life because I am not able to do what life does, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call/define/perceive myself a failure when I see that the blood sugar level is above normal because I have given myself the expectation to keep the blood sugars where they should be in a stance of morality, meaning that I have defined myself as good for keeping the blood sugars where they should be and bad for going too low or too high, in this creating a constant conflict and judgment with myself about the level of the blood sugar to an extent where I want to avoid this conflict and judgment through stopping the testing of the blood sugar, causing further harm to the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeing the blood sugars high because of the knowledge and information of what happens to diabetics that do not take effective care of themselves, such as, loss of kidneys, loss of feet, loss of eye sight etc, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the fear of seeing the blood sugar level high when I test to the future consequence of losing a foot, in this not living in common sense that it takes a lot to manifest the loss of circulation to feet and that it is nothing to fear because it either happens or it doesn't and that if it does I am the cause of the consequence through and as my actions in/as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I stand equal and one with the body I am here in breath and with the feet , and in standing equal and one to myself here in breath I am able to check up on the feet and how they are doing and see if there are circulation issues because the circulation is in fact myself here as life in breath and that I am in fact able to control and direct the circulation in standing equal and one with the body in breath and in agreement to live a life that is best for all in this accessing the body through living the agreement of doing what is best for the body proven to myself over time and the actions that I participate in within the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear of being high will only cause me to face myself being high because if I give into the fear of being high and do not test within that fear I will then inevitably go high through a lack of proper care of myself as a diabetic

I commit myself to test the blood sugar at regular intervals throughout each day in order to be able to establish an effective communication with myself and the body in regards to how the insulin effects the blood sugar, and how foods effect the sugar level and to be able to effectively measure the variables that effect the sugar levels

I commit myself to stop fearing the sugar levels and in this I stop allowing myself to define myself as a failure when the sugar goes high - in this I commit myself to use the high blood sugar levels as a point to investigate how I allowed them to go high and what I was going through and within, physically and mentally, at the time when I allowed it to go high and in this I commit myself to forgiving myself in the times of allowing the sugars to go high to get down to the core point of why I am not taking effective care of myself as a diabetic and in this to develop a trust with myself to do what is best for me as life in all moments.


I commit myself to breathing the solution of dedicating myself to myself as life in this stopping all fears and judgments that I have accumulated in the past in the relationship with myself in seeing the blood sugar levels higher than normal and to when and as the judgments and fears come up to move through them and test, and to simply not judge myself, but to do what is best for myself as life in bringing the sugar level down through a calculated insulin injection, and in this to test again after a few hours to see where the sugar stands and in this to develop a pattern of insulin injections that is in the best support of the body and myself as life.

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