Friday, June 29, 2012

Day 77 - Going Low


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear having the blood sugar drop too low

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that when the sugar drops too low I must take immediate care of myself to bring the sugar back up to normal range

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low because of the possibility of passing out in a situation where I do not have the support needed from people whom I know are able to handle the situation responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low because it can lead to me passing out unconscious and unable to be here and aware of myself and take proper care of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low in the middle of the night and not being able to wake myself up when I am going low and to then pass out into a coma where I am then completely at the mercy of the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low because it shows that I am not invincible, that something can happen in a moment where I immediately need to drop everything that I am doing and focus on getting myself a form of sugar so that the body can continue functioning properly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low because it shows that I am at the mercy of the physical, that I cannot allow myself to simply decide to do something like go out and exercise or do an activity without having to first take precautionary measures to support myself in a low if one were to happen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being at the mercy of the physical because I do not have absolute control of myself in the situation, that I cannot decide to do whatever I want and I must consider my reliance on the physical in each choice that I make in regards to diabetes, meaning I cannot simply decide to hitchhike, I must take into consideration that I have diabetes and that the diabetes is a limit to what I can and cannot participate in, in this standing equal and one to the decision to do what is best for me as life as a diabetic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in every moment take precautionary measures for myself if I end up having a low, meaning to carry on me at all times a form of sugar that is readily available if I have a low so that I can immediately support myself in having a low, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to travel without first making sure that I have all bases covered in regards to any possibility of a `mishap` in relation to diabetes, making sure that I am supportive of myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I am at the mercy of the physical, that we all are at the mercy of the physical, and that the only thing I am able to do is to stand one and equal with the physical in doing what is best for all life here in the physical, this means to do what is best for myself as a diabetic in making sure that I bring with me at all times a form of sugar that I am able to consume quickly if I end up going low while I am out among many other things that are best for all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this constant struggle of life and death through the manifestation of having diabetes where I am able to die quickly if the right situation were to present itself where I end up going low without proper care and am stranded causing myself to end up possibly dying and that I need to make sure that each day this is a unlikely possibility, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one with death, meaning to understand and walk this life with the realization that I am going to die and that it doesn't matter when or how I die, but I am going to eventually die, in this stopping the fight with life and death each day as I inject insulin, as I eat, and to simply support myself here as I am living and to let go when the time to die presents itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going low at a time when I do not have any money on me to buy food and I am not around anyone I know, fearing having to ask a stranger to help me out and provide me with some food or enough money to buy food so that I am able to support myself in the low, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear realizing that I am dependent on support from and as the physical in every moment, and that any given moment something may come up where I am not able to support myself by myself and must rely on help from other humans to assist and support me, in this fearing myself of and as who I am as a human, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear of support from other people in relation to the physical is only my own fear of myself in what I will choose to do in a moment of need of support from myself and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself in the position of someone else's shoes and do what I would want for myself in their position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am completely and absolutely reliant and dependent on this physical, as we all are, that we cannot live on light and love energy as we will simply starve ourselves to death, and that what we have done to and as the physical and ourselves in absolutely unacceptable and must dramatically change quickly before we reach the point of no return which is the last breath that we breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear passing out and not being in control of myself in and as the physical processes that function within having diabetes, and in this fear to want to and hold onto any form of illusory control that I have perceived myself to have over the physical, not realizing that I am absolutely dependent on the physical and that I have no control whatsoever of anything that I have separated myself from

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical processes of insulin usage and food consumption through fearing it instead of standing equal and one as it as me, in this doing what is best for me as life to support myself here in the physical while I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold off on supporting myself in a low because I feel and fear that it will inconvenience someone if I say that I must drop everything and eat some food instead of being comfortable with myself and supporting myself in every moment no matter what the situation might be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an inconvenience on other peoples lives through having to drop everything in one moment of me being low in order to support myself in being low, just like I see it and define it as an inconvenience unto myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and live as if diabetes has become an inconvenience on my life instead of realizing that it is an opportunity for me to realize myself as life and to change my actions and living habits and patterns into habits and patterns that support the life the best way possible in this creating myself in support of the best life possible



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a low is a low is a low is a low  and that no matter what I am doing or where I am I am going to have to deal with the possibility of a low and that being low is nothing to judge or to define as out of the ordinary and an inconvenience but simply a point in my life that I must support myself within and as in the best way.

I commit myself to when and as I feel low to stop whatever I am doing in that moment, stop the thoughts, judgments, backchat in that moment, breathe and direct myself to get some food however possible, dropping everything that I am currently working on - if possible - in order to support myself as life

I commit myself to not allow a belief of going low being a inconvenience to ask for help and support when I am low

I commit myself to support myself to not fear going low because of death waiting for me at the other side, and in this to stand equal and one with death within breath as each breath I take here is able to be the last breath I take here, realizing that my time to die is my time to die.

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