Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 104 - Bored and Exhausted Character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of boredom and exhaustion because I do not want to be here participating in what I am `supposed` to be participating in, such as work or school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the boredom and exhaustion that I feel when I do not want to be at a specific place or event is completely illusory and that I am able to stop it within one breath and direct myself here within the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a boredom and exhaustion character while in a specific event or situation because the people that I am around are also unenthusiastic about what we're participating in so I allow myself to create this experience of myself to fit in with the group of others - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand on my own and direct myself within breath and participate with my own self will

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake and expression of myself in order to follow others and what their doing so that I am able to fit in with a group of people and not have to face the fear of being alone within not allowing myself to participate with the same actions as the group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not participate with my here unconditionally in every moment and in this participate with what is here with myself for myself as myself - not allowing myself to move into a character that is similar to a character that a group of people are acting within in order to fit into a group and not have to direct myself alone within that which I am participating in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I participate in this character only in moments when I am in the proximity of others that there is something fucked up about myself in the context of not being real - as I am only putting on a character to be accepted by a specific type of person/people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to a group and/or people/person through allowing myself to become a character of myself in this allowing myself to live a lie unto myself through allowing myself to specifically act within this character so that I can fit into a group of people and not have to be/feel `alone`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to live for myself and direct myself `alone` - direct myself within/as my own self will and direct myself within that which must be done and in this simply get done what must be done within breath and without lying to myself through becoming a character of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to develop a sense of self and self-respect through learning how to direct myself within self-will - but to hinder my development of self respect through allowing myself to conform to a group where I allow myself to lie to myself within becoming a character that I believe the group will accept - instead of being with myself within breath and directing myself within/as what is here and simply get done what must be done without the experience of boredom or made up exhaustion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that when and as I experience boredom it is a signal to myself that I do not want to be here with myself within breath and be intimate with myself through simply being here with myself  - and that I am looking for an experience outside of myself and defining myself within a want to experience - not allowing myself to simply be here with myself within breath and within self-direction

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stand within my own self will and self direction as I participate throughout this world but to allow myself to conform to a group of people in this allowing myself to create a character of myself in relation to how the group participates - in this lying to myself through acting within the charACTer - instead of within self direction and self will


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within self will and self direction in any and all situation but to allow myself to go into an experience of not wanting to be here and in this experience live as a character that fits this experience and allow myself to become bored and exhausted - where I drag my feet throughout taking responsibility for myself - allowing myself to separate myself from myself here through wanting to not be here - in this go into a thought pattern of fantasy, separating myself from myself here and in this allow myself to drag the body around within the physical as I go into the thoughts and images within the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag the body around within the physical causing points of damage within it through not being here with the body and moving the body within the proper ways to move the body when lifting things or simply when moving the body when I do not want to be here and allow myself to do into the character of boredom and exhaustion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be here with the body and direct myself within/as the body within self will and self direction - taking responsibility for myself here within the body and giving myself self respect as I walk within the body taking responsibility for directing myself here as the body within the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of boredom and exhaustion simply because I do not want to be here and participate in that which I am doing or have to do - causing myself to separate myself from myself here and place myself within the image and illusion of thought.

I commit myself to developing self respect in being here with myself with the body within breath - directing myself here within self will - stopping the experience of boredom and exhaustion

I commit myself to when and as I find myself going into the character of being bored and exhausted to stop in that moment and breathe with myself here in the body and direct myself within what must be done without the emotions of being bored and exhausted and simply get done what must get done

I commit myself to stopping the experience of not wanting to be here with myself and to in this slow myself down within breath and direct myself within breath within the movement of the body within breath and get done what must get done - stopping myself from going into the character of being bored and exhausted because I do not want to be here with myself

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