Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day 83 - The `Do Gooder` Pt 2 - Why


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as the character of the `do gooder` so that I am able to be liked by many in this world and in this believe that I am able to survive better within the system that is here through getting as much people to like me through being the `good guy` where I follow the rules within and as the system that we have all accepted including the accepted characterization of each other, where I do not challenge the characters that others exist as nor challenge the characters that I exist as but to blindly accept that this is how things are and adapt myself to the way things are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adapt, become, and live as the `do gooder` because as I was a kid I realized and noticed that I was not getting into so much `shit` as my sibling by following the rules that were here blindly and accepting and conforming to the rules that were here before me blindly, in this not creating and avoiding conflict at all costs, within the belief that I will be able to exist within the system much easier through simply accepting what is here and going along with it blindly, and in this defining myself as `good` through following the rules set in place within and as the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the moment I created this character was the moment I stood up from the accepted and allowed systematic rules within the family system where I told my mother she was a jerk when she called me a jerk wherein she turned a slapped me across the face, in this to never again challenge the rules or system in the context that would lead to a point of conflict that would be physical pain or emotional pain, but to blindly accept the way things are from that point out because of the fear of being physically hit again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the fear of being physically hit, or emotionally hurt through accepting myself living within the character of the `do gooder` wherein I accept this world and system blindly because of the fear of the pain that standing up may cause.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through and as accepting myself as the `do gooder` and in this accepting the system blindly, I am in fact accepting the suffering and physical pain within billions within this world through and as accepting war blindly, accepting starvation blindly, accepting murder blindly, accepting an unjust system blindly, accepting the sexualization of females leading to rape blindly, because as I exist as the `do gooder` I blindly accept how the system operates and functions as long as I don’t get fucked over and harmed in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal to those that suffer due to my blind acceptance of this system through living within the character of the `do gooder`, and realize that my being good is only looking out for my own ass, looking out for my own fear of the pain and suffering that may exist if I were to stand up again against the accepted and allowed ways of the system but in this accept and allow pain and suffering to all others within the system

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through living within the `do gooder` I am in fact accepting the most atrocious suffering known in this existence as what goes on daily on this planet through accepting blindly this system that exists due to the fear of the physical pain and suffering that existed when I stood up to the accepted rules of authority when I was younger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the `do gooder` character that I have lived as and have become quite often is in fact an evil fucker that only look out for his own suffering and pain and in this accepts others suffering and pain while I experience no pain or suffering in this reality, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that those that `do good` in this world are in fact accepting and allowing evil through and as the participation within the system of good and evil where good must exist in response to the evil that is here so if one is good then one must accept and allow evil as the starvation murder suffering, and in this to not realize that charity being the epitome of good/evil only exists because of the suffering and starvation of millions on this globe and thus supports the suffering and starvation for it's own existence and feeds off of the starvation and suffering of millions, feeds off of with the influx of money, in this supporting the starvation and suffering of millions so that it may continue to exist within and as the system that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I as the `do gooder` am actually evil as the accpetance and perpetration of starvation, war and all suffering that exists in this reality through the blind acceptance of this reality as just the way things are and within the way things are I will attempt to be seen as good by all people so that I may be liked by all people and bring `good` into their lives through avoiding and resisting conflict with all people all for my own self-interest as the `do gooder`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step out of the character of the `do gooder` due to the fear of being physically harmed or emotionally hurt relaying the memory of being hit when I was a kid within and as all the actions that I make when and as I become and live as the character of the `do gooder` and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the hits or the emotional abuse that may be given as I stand for a system that no longer accepts abuse, as I stand in question of this system and how it functions and operates

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I as the `do gooder` in fact accept and allow the evil within myself, the polarity of the character of the `do gooder` as the `evil doer` within myself and that I as the `do gooder` will not question myself and the system that I live because of the fear of being physically hurt or emotionally hurt through taking down my own ego through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear to look at what I in fact accept and allow within myself through living as the `do gooder`, fear all of the `bad` things that I allow within myself through thoughts and actions and in this through living as the `do gooder` blindly accept and allow myself to exist as the system without question of myself and my actions, but to continue within the belief of myself being a `do gooder` because every once in a while I take responsibility for myself and live how I would in fact like to live
 
I commit myself to when and as I see myself existing as the `do gooder` to be self-honest with myself in seeing what this world is living as, as what I as this world have come to accept and allow as the `do gooder`, where I am fine because `I am doing good`, and in this self-honesty to break down the illusion of myself as the `do gooder` and step out of character in that moment and stop perpetrating myself as a `good person` through and as my words and deeds


I commit myself to exposing myself to myself within the abuse that I allow within and as myself and within and as this world through self-honesty when and as I see myself living within the `do gooder` character that I have developed

I commit myself to take on the abuse that may exist towards myself as I stand in question of this existence, as I stand in exposing this existence and myself and ourselves for the abusive beings that we are shown through this world and the current state that this world exists in

I commit myself to watch my words and deeds and thoughts, stopping myself in one breath the moment I speak, think or act within and as the character of the `do gooder`, in this breath to expose to myself the point that I am in fact hiding from myself and in this forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself or to ignore myself as who and what I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to live as in relation to how humanity treats this world and to correct that point into equality and oneness and living what is best for all, in this breathing the solution of equality and oneness as myself, stopping myself from living within an illusion of the `do gooder` which only believes and acts within and as the definition of good within the system which is only the acceptance of the system, a system that is wrought with abuse and suffering.

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