Saturday, July 7, 2012

Day 85 - The Self Saboteur - Trusting Thoughts


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the thoughts of what I should do within a moment of uncertainty in regards to directing myself through an experience, whether it be an experience I don't like, or simply an experience where I am not sure how to direct myself and in this allow thoughts consisting of memories to run through myself as the mind and direct me within the situation wherein I end up sabotaging myself through following the thoughts within the memories as the thoughts within the memories are not life, are not what is best for life because they are not life - sabotaging myself within the direction of myself because through directing myself as thoughts I am thus directing myself within energy causing myself to not be here and direct myself within breathing as life but to direct myself out of energy causing myself to sabotage myself in taking responsibility for myself here as life and all life here

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within and as thinking to direct myself, and in this trust to sabotage myself within the moment I allow myself to trust myself to make the choice for myself based on thoughts consisting of memories wherein I repeat the same cykill over and over, which inevitably kills me and this earth as the pattern that I have learned and lived is not of life, is not of what is best for all life, it is of self-interest and self-interest is not what is best for life as myself as breath and earth as existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through accepting a single thought within me where I give my self over absolutely to that thought and allow one thought to direct me, causing myself to sabotage myself as life as I gave away my power within equality and oneness within breath away to a thought consisting of energy, making myself as who I am less than a thought - in this sabotaging myself as life as I am the one who makes myself less than a thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the self-saboteur each day over and over through allowing myself to think thoughts that consists of attempts at a solution to the issues that I face, such as sleeping as resistance, wherein I allow myself to think thoughts revolving around a solution such as sleeping for only a bit when I, in self-honesty, know that I will sleep more and in this point to place trust within the thought as myself allowing myself to sabotage through giving myself trust within thought instead of breathing when and as the point of moving through the tiredness arises, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the same self-saboteur character when I decide to take responsibility for homework or any other responsibilities wherein I will allow myself to think about doing the responsibility when I do not have the immediate opportunity to, creating a positive spin on doing the responsibility through allowing myself to project myself into doing it when I have set up the time within a thought and within the mind, when in self-honesty the very act of thinking the thought of doing the responsibility and `gearing myself up` to work on the responsibility shows that I am resisting the responsibility and am only creating an illusion for myself in making myself believe that I am going to work on it when I have the time through trusting the thought process that I created at a time when the responsibility was not right here in front of me, in this sabotaging myself when I get to that point when it is here right in front of me as I expect to still have that illusory positive spin on myself doing the responsibility but only face resistance, and in this allow the thought process to again kick in of `how to move through the resistance` which never in fact is a solution as the solution lays within breath and in the immediacy of moving through the resistance with breath, not having to think about doing it but simply doing it, placing self here and doing it within and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here within one breath in the moment I see myself sabotaging myself and participating in the character of the self saboteur, and in this bringing myself back here within one breath to stop sabotaging myself in that one breath and direct myself within that one breath within what is best for all life, and to keep myself in that direction through continuing to keep myself in breath, stopping the thoughts each moment they arise from the moment further through not participating in the thoughts but remaining here within breath within directing myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring myself back here in one breath, but to allow myself to again drift off into the mind within the next breath where I then immediately fall back into the self-sabotaging pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sabotaging myself because the sabotaging consists of  energy, of a good feeling, of a feeling of positivity and excitement, enjoyment, that good feeling that most search for, wherein doing what is best for all consists of no self-pleasure in the context of energy and mental stimulation of energy, because doing what is best for all means to take responsibility for ourselves and to control and stop ourselves within and as our accepted and allowed patterns and habits that are not based in equality and oneness and what is best for all, and self-sabotaging is to continue within the habits and patterns that we have developed where we only care for ourselves and our energetical gains within the moment of sabotage, for example within sleeping in where I sleep in because of the moment I want more sleep for the energetical purpose of not having to wake up and face myself, but in this causing a consequence of me having to rush to get ready for work = I only cared for the feeling I wanted in that moment and did not look at the consequences where best for me as life would to get up, and move through the established pattern in the morning that has shown it is quite `good` for me, good in the context of I am able to feed myself and inject insulin at a convenient time, and to write this out - in this take responsibility for myself and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the enjoy coming from self-sabotage is a minuscule event within the context of the whole of myself as life and my entire existence on this earth and that if I continue in the self-sabotaging character that I have developed I will not ever realize that existence is the accumulation of time and that if I want to live how I actually want to live - free from sabotaging myself - it is going to take time and effort to get myself to a point where I stop sabotaging myself for self-interest and it is going to take time and effort, and in this if I give into that want for the energy within one moment, I am not going to realize myself as life as the accumulation of everything, but to only live for the instant mcdonaldsification of reward and good feeling, instead of practically living what is best for all infinitely throughout time and space


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself and make that choice within the moment I notice myself participating within self-sabotage for the existentially minute feeling within energy to stop in that moment and to do what is best for myself in that moment and to breathe in that moment, let go unconditionally and re-direct myself here within breath within what is best for all life, in this creating myself as a living example of what is best for all life, giving life to life, and stopping the way that we humans have been existentially living which is only for our own self-interest within a minute existential moment which we then sabotage ourselves within shown through our participation within the money system where, for example, nuclear power plants were built quickly for the minute moment where they are financially profitable, not considering the real effects that it is going to have on the environment, or the fishing industry, or the lumber industry…in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider one minute existential moment within myself and wants for/as energy/money and to not consider all time that is going to be effected by the relationships that I and we as humanity decide to participate within and as and the consequences of each of these relationships throughout time as time will continue and the relationships that we participated in are going to have an effect - the forests are still going to be cut, the fish are still going to be extinct, the sea is still going to be polluted, and where money will die out as soon as we stop believing in it leaving us left with our life sabotaging consequences, and leaving all future time with our sabotage of life itself.

I commit myself to stop trusting the thoughts that arrive when I look for a solution to myself here and to start to trust breath and in this to develop trust for myself within breath through allowing myself to trust myself to breathe when and as I find myself moving within the self-saboteur character.

I commit myself to consider all the time that I am moving through within this reality and to in this stop considering only one minute action or event or piece of time and to in this stop searching for only my own personal gratification within and as energy, and to consider the relationships that I am existing within that will continue within consequence past my death and to in this one life correct the relationship I have to existence and myself to equality and oneness and to live what is best for all in every moment I am here so that the future generations and future life as me will live within a world that lives within what is best for all, and not within a world that only considers one being out of the entirety of existence (self-Interest)

I commit myself to let go within one breath that which I desire to participate within/as self-interest and so re-direct myself within that one breath to what is best for all life as myself and to unconditionally let go of the actions I have lived as self-sabotage as life and to re-create myself entirely through using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-correction to create myself within equality and oneness and to live, in every way, what is best for all

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