Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 84 - The Self Saboteur

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as the character creation where I end up sabotaging myself through my acceptance of the thoughts that revolve around the participation in self-sabotage due to an accepted and allowed memory to exist within me where I developed the character of self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely sabotage myself through allowing myself to participate in actions that I know who I am within meaning I know the pattern that results every time that I participate in certain specific actions and even with knowing myself in that moment to accept and allow thoughts that justify myself participating in those actions which I then sabotage myself within through accepting myself to give into the thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the sabotage character wherein I know what I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to participate within yet still continue to participate within an act that the result leads to a sabotaging of self, and as I am looking at participating in the action to think thoughts in which I allow myself to convince myself to go through with the action/idea and in this to follow the thought that I see as valid and willingly participate in the sabotage of myself through participating in said action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the thoughts that come up when and as I start to participate in the self-sabotage character, questioning the thoughts that are clearly existing in support of sending myself into a point of self-sabotage, but to willingly accept the thoughts as valid as I consider the point of self-sabotage, going through the thoughts until I find one in my memory that I accept as valid in that one point to justify why I should participate in the action that allows me to sabotage myself in process through participating in the actions in which in self-honesty I know who I am within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run through memories of thoughts while considering participating in an action wherein I end up sabotaging myself and in this to not be aware of what I am in fact doing within the moment of trying to convince myself to sabotage myself , to not be aware of the thoughts, or be aware of the experience that I am creating in relation to the character of self-saboteur, in this to blindly accept the thoughts and experience that I am creating while participating in the self-saboteur

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience that I have when I access the self-sabotage point, as the self-sabotage point is usually a point of escape for me, is real, meaning that the resistance is real and what I am creating as a point in which I am able to sabotage myself is real for example the experience of being tired and running through thoughts about why I should allow myself to sleep  knowing well that if I allow myself  to justify the point of sleeping with the thought  `I will only sleep for 30 minutes` that I will sleep much more than 30 minutes and sleep for as long as I can and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with sleep as a form of escape from being here and facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate why I would live as a character that sabotages themselves and in this investigate what I have believed to be the benefit of the outcome of sabotaging myself for self-interest, in this to question the character of self-saboteur, and stop myself from continuing to sabotage myself through removing the experience that I create to end up in the character of self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of myself in which I do not like such as being tired, such as being exhausted, or being itchy or confused and in this to create thoughts from memories as to why I should avoid this experience and do something to escape the experience of myself where I end up sabotaging myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to think thoughts that exist within memories where I allow myself to sabotage myself in order to experience a different experience than the one that I am currently participating within in this allowing myself to avoid being here and face who I have become as a human and miss the opportunity that is here to correct myself into life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thought that exists within desire and temptation such as sleeping longer, or playing video games or entertaining myself, and in this to allow myself to not do other tasks that can be done in that time in this causing myself to sabotage myself, while knowing full well what I am in fact participating in, accepting and allowing of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to trace back the memory in which I accepted this character to exist within me, when looking at the point of self-sabotage it is really giving into self-interest and not taking responsibility for myself here as life in breath, and in this to trace back the memory that is me where I first accepted and allowed myself to trace myself back to a memory where I allowed myself to participate in self-interest instead of take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that myself in direction within thought of following desire and wants is a point of self-sabotage because I in those moments am not here taking responsibility for myself in who I have become as separation of life through the very act of thinking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the point of self-sabotage is my choice in what I will accept and allow as myself and in this that I choose to become the character of the self-saboteur wherein I sabotage myself as life for self-interest
 

I commit myself to being aware of myself when and as I start to make excuses and justify why I should participate in self-interest when I have responsibilities that must be taken care of, and in this awareness to stop participation within and as the thoughts that I think that are of the justifications and excuses, breathe, let go and do what must be done to get myself out of this mess that has become myself, to take responsibility for this mess that is myself and to correct it into equality and oneness and what is best for all life

I commit myself to understanding that the point of sabotaging myself is not worth the consequences, and in this commit myself to make the choice wherein I choose to do what is best for me and to let go of the experience that I have created in order to sabotage myself, in this making the choice to breathe and to continue on supporting myself as life and to not hinder myself in process through and as sabotaging myself

I commit myself to making the choice to support myself as life through breathing and directing myself here within what is best for all life and equality and oneness

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