Day 86 - The Character of Myself Alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with myself while I am at home wherein I allow myself to `relax` but in this relaxation to not take responsibility for myself as life through allowing myself to be lazy in the application of myself within the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to `fuck off` when I get home from work because I see work as taking responsibility for myself and that through working I thus then have done what I needed to do, not realizing that there is still much more that needs to be done by me and all of humanity to get ourselves and this world sorted out into equality and oneness and living what is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of myself that does not take responsibility for life and life as self when I arrive home because the home is where I have allowed myself to dive deep into desire and explore the deepest pits of the mind, and so each time I arrive home this is the relationship of memories that exists when I arrive home from work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself equally in all aspects of my life and reality, but to allow myself to only apply myself within taking responsibility for myself only in some areas of my reality, in this allowing the other parts of my reality to `fall to shit` because of the lack of self-support that I have established within those realities through living a memory over and over again through past developed relationships I have with that certain aspect of my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I come home I am not aware of my actions and that my first actions when I come home are within the question `What do I WANT to do?` which means that I am searching for desire and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself and who I have created myself within/as inequality, allowing myself to continue the existence I have lived within separation from myself as life within breath through allowing myself to follow and search for that ultimate desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to establish a relationship with myself and being home as a character that feels safe within the confines of the home and in this feeling safe to explore the desires within the mind because of the belief of a lack of consequence when and as I am home, instead of being here with myself in breath as life and take responsibility for creating myself as life in equality and oneness in all aspects of my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about myself as life when I come home because I believe that I am safe from the world and in this safety that nothing will be of any consequence to myself, in this allowing myself to move into the points of desire within the mind so that I can escape the fact that I am still here in this life and still have to live out this life, and that the choice I make do have a consequential effect on myself as life and accumulatively end up becoming who I accept and allow myself to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be `comfortable` when I get home, this comfort being an acceptance of who I am without question, without considering the effects of who I have become, and considering my relationships to/towards/as this world and existence, but to only accept myself as I am through the creation of myself as comfortable when/as I am home, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable with myself as I am out in public due to the acceptance of the polarity of allowing myself to be comfortable with myself and dive into the desires while at home, and suppress them and myself while I am out in public

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to characterize myself when I come home as the desires within the mind where I become desire and characterize myself as desire with sex, food, entertainment, money, when I am at home instead of allowing myself to stand equal to life as I am at home being here in equality with life in all moments, stopping myself from moving into and as the character I have related to myself at home as the desires within the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I have become at home has been an accumulation of who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as throughout my past and that who I have been at home in the past is to move through desire and where I go out in public it is about responsibility so I suppress the desires within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not physically change who I am in relation to being home or alone with myself within the `comfort` of the mind through stopping the physical action that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and correcting them to a relationship of equality and oneness with life and myself as life, doing what is best for all life all the time

I commit myself to going further into this self characterization of who I am alone or at home within the belief that no one can see me within the mind, and to physically change myself in who I have developed myself as in this relationship with myself. Go further meaning investigate myself further and further forgive and correct

I commit myself to understanding who and how I have become while I am alone or within the belief that I am alone and `safe` within the confines of the mind or house wherein I am able to explore the dark corners of the mind,

I commit myself to change and re-creating the relationship I have towards myself when I am alone/at home and within the confines of the mind of equality and oneness and to do what is best for all life