Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Day 88 - `I do not Want to Be Here Doing this` Character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought `fuck this, I don't want to be here right now` control me through my allowance of the thought causing the characterization of myself wherein I allow myself to create the experience of myself of not wanting to be here and participate with myself in equality and oneness with what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of myself that does not want to be here and participate with breath in equality and oneness with what is here and direct myself as breath within what is here, and in breathing to let go of the illusory created experience of myself of not wanting to be here within the physical and do what is necessary of me within the physical as the responsibilities that I have such as a job and homework

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of not wanting to be here and participate with myself here within the physical through not getting what I want in the first place as the experience and then through not getting the experience not want to do anything or be here until I manifest the experience I was looking for in the first place, spiting myself as life through throwing a tantrum within myself because I did not get the experience I wanted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw a tantrum within myself over not being able to have an experience that I expected to have, and to in this not want to do anything else or be here and take responsibility for myself here in this world separating myself from this physical reality through creating an emotional experience of frustration and anger all because I did not get the experience I wanted in the first place which is only an illusion, the frustration and anger being only an illusion as well because of the fact that I made it up, I created it in the first place through not getting what I wanted, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe within the experience and in breathing to stop the illusory experience of myself and be here with myself and direct myself here within breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to experience an experience and if I do not get the experience throw a tantrum, where I do not want to direct myself here within the physical and breathe, but only want to experience the experience that I desired allowing myself to create frustration and anger to all that is around me and towards myself for not allowing myself to have the experience that I wanted which is only an illusion because I created it within the mind out of a belief and a want which is only illusory in this further creating an illusion as the frustration and anger for having to direct myself still within the world and take responsibility for myself and while I am having to take responsibility for myself; resist it heavily creating the experience of not wanting to be here and do what must be done such as my job, creating frustration and anger within having to be where I do not want to be instead of breathing and doing it unconditionally, taking responsibility for myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of frustration and anger because I woke up at the time that I usually leave at because I forgot to re-set the alarm clock to the time that I wake up at, in this allowing myself to miss the experience of being able to write before work - wherein I get the responsibility of writing the blog done before work so that I am able to `relax` after work, to miss the experience of enjoying coffee in the morning and eating a bowl of cereal and having the time to effectively take care of the diabetic point in calculating the food that I am eating and doing proper insulin, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I missed the opportunity and experience of being able to take responsibility for myself and in this taking responsibility for myself create a good feeling because it is something that I find satisfaction within, instead of realizing that every moment I am here on earth, every moment that I am breathing I have the ability to take responsibility for myself here as life and direct myself here within breath and that within believing that I missed the opportunity to take responsibility for myself believe that I am now going to fuck around throughout the day and in this then create myself in fucking around within the day though allowing myself to hold onto the missed opportunity and experience of taking responsibility for myself, not realizing that I am able to take responsibility or myself in every moment while I am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for waking up late and creating the missed opportunity to take responsibility for myself early on in the day and in this blame create an experience of frustration and anger towards myself for missing the opportunity to take responsibility for what I must to right away in the day and get it done before I work so that I do not have to do it after work and so that I can `relax` after work, not realizing or seeing that the point within the relaxing after work is so that I can fuck off and not take responsibility for myself after work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the missed opportunity to `get an early start` on the day through waking up early so that I give myself time to write this blog out and eat decently, and to take effective care of the diabetic point, and in this holding the missed opportunity against myself create the experience of not wanting to be at work - due to the mandatory responsibility that must be taken for ones self in this world through working for money - and to want to only go back to the opportunity to get shit done quickly so that I do not have to do it after work, instead of forgiving myself for missing the opportunity and to then place myself here within breath and direct myself within taking responsibility within work and to continue to take responsibility for myself as I get home and get done what I must do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I only wanted to get shit done early so that I could fuck off later and exist in self interest later through `relieving` myself of the responsibilities early on in the day through doing them, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself in all moments of myself here and direct myself in doing what I have to do in this reality in all moments, in this taking responsibility for myself here and stopping my actions within self-interest

I commit myself to stopping the experience of anger and frustration when I believe that I have missed the opportunity to get a head start on the responsibilities that I have for the day and to take responsibility for myself unconditionally, doing what I must do in this reality to support creating a world that is best for all through living what is best for all which is taking responsibility for myself in accepting and allowing what is here and changing my actions of accepting and allowing what is here to creating myself within equality and oneness and what is best for all life


I commit myself to when and as I find that something has `disrupted` the plan to take responsibility for myself early on so that I can fuck around after I am done taking responsibility to stop, breathe, let go of the want for that experience and opportunity and to direct myself here within taking responsibility for myself here through stopping the anger and frustration and placing myself here within breath and simply direct myself here within breath.

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