Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Day 89 `I want my experience` Character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful towards myself and this reality because I did not get the experience I wanted that I have allowed myself to expect and hope for, but when it does not go through become spiteful and angry and basically throw a tantrum for not getting what I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally for not getting the experience that I want because all of the built up creation of myself in/as the experience was denied and `shut down` within one moment in this becoming spiteful and resistant to doing anything else from that moment on because I did not get what I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the wanted experience when I realize that I am not able to manifest that certain experience that I was desiring and place myself here with myself in breath, directing myself within what is here and what must be done, stopping the want of the experience to impede myself being here with myself in breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through creating the want of the experience and the hope towards having the experience I am setting myself up for disappointment because the appointment that I have set up with myself within the mind is likely to not come true because of the fact that it exists within the mind and not the physical reality, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the want, desire, hope, and expectation to experience a certain experience in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to create a similar experience of myself of the experience that I was hoping and desiring to manifest as myself when I become disappointed when the experience does not manifest, in this causing myself to resist and create an anger towards anything that I have to go through that is not similar to the experience that I wanted to create, allowing myself to become spiteful towards myself and all that is around me in attempts to create an energy/experience that is similar to the one that I wanted through creating the resistance and in that possibly manifesting the resistance and leaving that which I am participating in and go create the experience that I was looking for in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to take responsibility for myself for creating myself as the disappointment through not getting the experience that I wanted, hoped for, and desired, and in the taking responsibility for myself to simply direct myself with what is here as me within breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist what I am participating in when I find myself disappointed because I was hoping for a certain experience within the day or within what I am participating in, causing myself to become emotionally unstable because that which I am creating as the experience within what I am participating in is not equal to that which I have hoped for and desired as a `good` experience, in this creating backchat and judgment towards what I am doing, being, and the environment, and people around me, all because I did not get what I wanted as the experience, in this not realizing that I created the experience of the emotional frustration towards that which I am participating in because of the accepted and allowed definitions and expectations of the idea of what I will be or would be participating in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations and hopes for the experience of that which I am going to or hoping to participate in, creating myself as a certain specific character according to the definitions and expectations that I was creating and projecting prior to actually physically living the event, causing myself to live an illusion of expectation and hopes of living and having that certain specific experience through placing a definition and an idea upon what I am going to participate or hope to participate in, not living in the physical reality of how the physical reality in fact operates and functions but to live an illusion based on the definition and hope and desire that I created of myself within the mind, allowing myself to give value to the illusory experience instead of living here within breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when and as I think about the certain specific event that I am hoping to participate in, I am in that moment, creating a specific character of myself in relation to that which I am hoping to experience and if I do not get that experience I go into a polarity of spitefulness and anger towards anything else that I will be participating in because I did not get that which I desired as the experience and character creation I was developing within the act of thinking about the event and who I will be to get the most energy out of the event

I forgive myself that I have accepted allowed myself to not breathe when I am within the experience of disappointment within experience that I created and in this breathing to stop all of the illusory experience that I created and to place myself within the physical as breath and to do what is physically necessary for me to do within that which I have to participate in such as a job and other responsibilities, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a specific experience of happiness or a `high energy` experience instead of being practical in the first place through placing myself here in the physical and directing myself here within the physical in breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself experience the disappointment, frustration and anger due to the missed appointment that I had set up within the mind previously with thoughts, ideas, and expectations, in this not realizing that I am creating both the experiences through the belief of who I must be in relation to the expectation and the disappointment through who I accepted and allowed myself to be within past memories of disappointment

I commit myself to stopping the projection and expectation of any event that I may or may not participate in and to in this commit myself to staying here within breath whenever I make a plan to do something, stopping the planting of the seed of expectation and hope, but to remain practical within the physical reality and direct myself within the physical reality

I commit myself to when and as I become emotionally unstable within the point of disappointment to stop, breathe, and direct myself within what I must do within this physical reality, and to stop the continuous want to experience the experience that I was creating within hope and expectation, and to direct myself within the physical reality

I commit myself to removing all expectation of specific events through stopping the memories of who I accepted and allowed myself to be in past similar events, in this to stay here within breathing making sure that who I am is not a character but as life in breath

I commit myself to giving myself the patience and dedication to practice not allowing myself to be a character but to live here as life within breathing

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