Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 113 - `Leave Me Be` Character


This is a character I go into when I do not want to face myself. I go into this when I want to keep myself in/as who I have defined myself as within the relationship that I keep with myself, avoiding the obvious limitations that I am accepting within the moment. I will allow myself to continue lived patterns that are clearly self destructive and I will have an awareness about these patterns and I will be nagging at myself to stop them - but go into this character of `leave me be` and keep the relationship that I have defined myself within/as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character where I want to be left alone because I do not want to face myself within that moment and stand up and change my behaviour in that moment, or to explain my behaviour in that moment because explaining requires me to look at myself and that is what I try and avoid within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself by avoiding anyone that will bring me out of the illusion that I am allowing within the mind and back to the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I am doing is self sabotage and nag at myself using the mind to stop allowing the self sabotage and in this to want to be left alone - to leave myself alone within the mind and leave myself alone within the mind without being observed o nagged at to correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through observing myself in sabotaging myself and allowing thoughts consisting of nagging to exist within/as me, telling me what to do and in this become the leave me be character and attempt to avoid the nagging thoughts that I am having towards myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this character in order to avoid facing myself because I allow myself to deliberately go into a point of ignorance of myself yet within separation still be aware of what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and nag at myself to stop it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to the decisions I make, where I do not stand in separation, and direct myself within/as the decisions I make

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a thought and decide to guide myself based on this thought, in this allowing myself to exist in separation from myself, and as I follow the thought separate myself from myself as the decision to follow the thought and allow myself to nag at myself for following the thought, because I have followed the thought and the same pattern before and it has lead me to self-sabotage and I nag at myself to stop sabotaging myself, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that nagging does not help me in making the decision to stop, and that it only creates further separation from myself here in breath as life through allowing the nagging character to exist simultaneously with the leave me be character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that while I want to be left alone I am allowing a nagging character to exist as well both of which consist within/as character and of thought and both of which is only an illusion of self and ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing myself by allowing myself to go into deliberate ignorance of myself in what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in through wanting to be left alone from the myself being aware of myself in/as what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nag at myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself in the self sabotaging behaviour though allowing myself to go into the character of `leave me be` and to stop analyzing myself with the perception of negativity for what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as; I nag at myself and as I nag at myself I take that from a point of negativity to a point where I do not want to be nagged at and allowed to live within the self sabotage without judgment of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I nag at myself for allowing myself to sabotage myself I am allowing myself to create friction within/as myself and create an energy from that friction, usually within/as frustration after the fact, and in this I allow myself to manipulate myself with frustration after the fact to beat up on myself instead of standing equal and one to the decision I made/make and understand it and chose to either continue to participate in it or to stop it, in this allowing myself to do what is best for me as life - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nag at myself for repeating patterns of self-sabotage as I participate in them instead of realizing that there is a point within me that I am missing within allowing myself to stop participating in the pattern, and in this realization to further understand the point of self-sabotage so that I am able to stop completely


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I go into the character of `leave me be` because I do not want to face my own shit and take responsibility for my own shit and be aware of the shit that I am accepting and allowing myself to live as my life and that this character exists because I nag at myself instead of taking responsibility for myself in stopping separating myself from/as my decisions and actions in allowing myself to sabotage myself

I commit myself to stopping myself from separating myself into the nagging character and the leave me be character and to understand exactly how I am allowing myself to participate in the self-sabotaging aspects of myself and to in this forgive myself for participating in the self-sabotaging aspects of myself instead of nagging at myself for participating in them

I commit myself to stand equal and one to the decisions I make and to not allow myself to go into frustration for participating in any self-sabotaging points within myself because I realize that I chose to participate in the self sabotage and only I am responsible for participating in them

I commit myself to use the `leave me be` character to look at what I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to participate in and to understand it completely and to in this stop the nagging character and live an understanding of myself

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