Monday, September 3, 2012
Day 143 - Randomly Injecting Insulin
Random injection come from the lazy character where I am too lazy to efficiently calculate the amount of carbs that I am eating within a meal or within a snack and I inject an estimation on what I am eating based on past memories of what I ate at what time and what I injected at that point, or it is a rough estimation based on what I am eating which is usually junk food, and I do a large amount of insulin so that I can snack without concern of my well being in regards to high blood sugar. This is an important point because without looking at the information on the package about how many carbs I will be eating I run the risk of going high and more than not I do end up high when I randomly inject an amount of insulin without effectively considering what I am eating and what activity I've done or will do within that day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inject a rough guess, basically a random amount of insulin because I've not looked at the information on what I am eating nor looked at the information within myself about whether or not I've been active within the day or will be active so that I can avoid taking responsibility for effectively managing the sugar level within the body and so that I can please myself within the mind and within energy wherein I avoid facing myself in what I am doing by avoiding not gathering the necessary information about what I am eating, because I know that if I do an alarm will raise within me as to how much I am eating and what I am eating and the lack of care that I am participating within
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy to look at the package of what I am eating and calculate how much I will be eating and the carbohydrates within the amount that I will be eating and then the amount of insulin that will be needed for me to keep the sugar level between 4 and 8 which will support me in being able to effectively manage the health of the body in reducing the amount of time that I have high blood sugar within the day
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the health of the body to the extent where I randomly inject insulin running the risk of ending up too high or being too low when if I simply take the time out of the day to look at the information that is here for me to use I can manage the sugar levels much easier and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility that I have unto myself as a diabetic to do what is necessary of myself to effectively manage the sugar levels by allowing myself to give into this laziness of avoiding looking at myself and what I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within by avoiding looking at the information on the packaging that is provided and properly calculate an appropriate amount of insulin to inject so that I am better able to check for patterns and oddities that may exist within that moment, because if I end up high I simply think, hmm I just didn't inject enough insulin, when in fact something else could be occurring within the body that I would thus then not be aware of due to a lack of proper care of myself by effectively measuring and calculating what I am eating exactly
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself in not taking proper care of myself, in allowing myself to not take proper care of myself, by avoiding facing the fact of how much food I am eating and how much carbs I am injecting because I do realize that within that moment if I did take a look at what I am eating within that moment and the amount of carbs I am consuming I would gasp at how much I am eating - because as I participate within this one point I inevitably inject roughly 20-30units of insulin which calculates to 200 to 300g of carbohydrates to correlate with the blood sugar levels and if I were to take a moment and really look at what I am eating I would stop participating within that one point because I am aware that when that amount of energy is going into the body it will inevitably have to go somewhere and where it is most likely going to be used is within the mind, and I will go on a `trip` within the mind wherein I look for any stimulating point with the highest amount of energy within the mind or go into a massive spell of depression or a massive point of excitement as a point to release the energy within or look for a point of love to release the energy within as I realize within myself that the excitement, depression, or the feeling of love/sex/masturbation are high points of energy because the are deep and extensive as I participate within them - so in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the relationship between the body and the mind when I allow myself to participate within the ignorance of what I am eating and how much carbohydrates I will be consuming and what it will do to the body and the mind, and to ignore the fact that I am accepting myself to become lost within energy and unable to direct myself here within the physical within breath because that is a manifested consequence of allowing myself to firstly participate within the mind in ignoring what I am doing and then consume that much amount of food - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by looking at the information of what I am eating I can better understand what I am doing to myself and what I am accepting and allowing within myself as the input will be the same as the output - because as I've noticed - as I eat junk food I do not support myself here in breath and allow myself to consume junk food within the mind by entertaining myself with things that have no `substance` but a momentary spark of energy and continue these momentary sparks of energy in quick succession - such as allowing myself to scroll through pages within reddit or fail blog or watch movies which still have that quick succession of energetic responses and reactions, and that when/as I decide to not eat junk food I am more willing to stop that want for those quick sparks of energy and more willing to sit with myself and read a lengthy article or write myself out with effectiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the pattern starts with my decision to avoid facing what I am allowing within myself - because as I allow that one initial decision it becomes easier to continue to avoid facing myself throughout the day and continue to randomly inject insulin for the food that I eat causing myself to create further risk of running extremely high or going low at a quick pace wherein I thus then risk myself placing myself in a diabetic coma by not looking at the information that is here unconditionally for me to use to support myself as a diabetic - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is me that is making this decision to not support myself as life and to look for that quick succession of energetic sparks to keep me entertained and that wihtin this I am able to then make the decision to support myself as life and look at the information that is here for me to use unconditionally to support myself as a diabetic and then stop the point of self abuse and self destruction that I allow within this one point of abdicating the point of responsibility in making sure that I inject an appropriate amount of insulin for the food I am consuming to lessen the risk of going high and/or going low
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to randomly inject insulin for the food that I eat out of the fear of facing myself in what I am accepting and allowing myself to particiapte in which is a point of absolute self abuse because as I participate in guesstimating the amount of insulin I need I am not taking proper or the best method approach to effectively taking care of the body as a diabetic nor taking the proper responsibility of living the point of the pancreas for the body and cause myself to harm myself and the body because I was too lazy to take the few seconds that it takes to calculate how much insulin I will need based on the unit to carb ratio and because I fear facing myself in stopping myself in the point of abuse because if I do in fact check the amount I stop myself from gorging the food that I am about to eat - because as I randomly inject an amount of insulin the point within me is to gorge on the food that I've selected to eat, and to not limit myself in the portions that I eat which would be the best thing for me to do to be able to effectively manage the sugars of the blood and to effectively stand in place as the pancreas for the body
I commit myself to when/as I am about to make the decision to choose a type of food and consume as much as I want of that food and randomly inject an amount of insulin for the amount of food that I assume I will eat to stop and take a breath in that moment and limit myself to the amount of food that I will eat in that sitting and to measure that amount that I will eat and cross reference it with the information on the package or cross reference it with other points if it does not have a label and to record this information so that I can make an accurate injection of the amount of insulin that I will need and/or do for that amount and then if there is no label I then have a point within myself to cross reference of how much I will need to inject the next time that I eat that type and amount of food
I commit myself to when/as I am making myself too lazy to take a moment out of time to measure the amount of food that I will be eating and to commit myself to a size of food - to stop and breathe and decide in that moment to support myself as life and as a diabetic and limit the amount of food that I will eat within that one moment be it junk food or not and measure that amount of food and stop creating myself within a point of laziness that I inevitably sabotage myself and cause harm to myself in not willing myself to effectively stand in place as the pancreas and support the body equal and one