Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 178 - Happiness Disease


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the correlation between sugar and happiness and my desire for happiness causing myself to consume foods high in sugar, and in this the desire for happiness causing myself to be sedentary - looking for small doses of dopamine within being lazy and playing video games and going on social networking sites - not seeing that within the desire for happiness I allow myself to consume foods high in sugar and be lazy within the day - giving no support to the body within the digestion of the sugars from the foods through not exercising - causing the pancreas to be overworked in the time that I am lazy allowing the desire for happiness to control me and what I do without consideration of the effects that it has on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the correlation between myself and depression and the constant stimulus that I must have in order to avoid facing myself in depression - allowing myself to become lazy and sit at the computer for a day going through social networking sites for small doses of dopamine that I create within the body, or play video games for a day and consume foods that are high in carbohydrates and/or simple sugars which causes the pancreas to be overworked in that time span which can cause a nullifying effect to insulin within the body as it gets `used` to the constant overload of insulin which will cause type 2 diabetes or the fact that the pancreas is not able to handle the amount of insulin production needed and will become defunct through/as the immune system attacking it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I do something that I really resist doing I will feel like I am going through a low but when I test I am usually have a normal blood glucose reading and that in this I feel low because I resist doing the thing that I must do because I will not provide myself with any happiness and that it basically will be a `shit` experience and that in this sugar will help give me a positive boost to get me through the point that I must do - in this not realizing that there is a correlation in the desire for happiness and diabetes within this as I have used sugar in the past to create a feeling of happiness and now have become almost dependant on the relationship to sugar to get me through any experience and in this when/as I would go through a low within emotions I would consume candy and foods that have high carbohydrates and become lazy in the day - playing video games for most of the day to escape and avoid the emotions that I was going through and to attempt to veil them with a feeling of positivity that I was attempting to create through/as consuming candy and playing video games

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the desire for happiness is complete compromising myself within the health of the body because as I walk into the desire for happiness I will consume high amounts of sugar or food that are high in carbohydrates and sit around for the day watching entertainment which causes myself to need high amounts of insulin and makes managing the blood sugars incredibly difficult due to the lack of activity and high amounts of food, and that while doing this I am searching for some type of positivity to dive into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict myself to the feeling of happiness which has been clear is not supportive of the health of the body because who I am within the search and desire for happiness is completely abusive to myself within the body and I do not consider anything other than getting more happiness through the activities that I participate within and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself within the happiness, question what I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to participate in but to blindly accept whatever it is that I do all for a feeling of happiness/positivity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the damage that I do to myself for what it is when I pursue the desire for happiness, not seeing the damage that I do to the body within the foods that I eat - not seeing the damage that I do to myself in/as creating characters within the mind through exposing myself to vast amounts of media without understanding how the mind and the characterization of self within the mind works, but to blindly accept and allow whatever comes my way as long as it provides me a sense of happiness or positivity even if it may be damaging to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear of letting go of happiness is an indication that I have developed a value onto happiness, a value that I am not willing to let go of even though it has been clear to me, that through my actions when participating in/as happiness I abuse myself extensively through the consumption of foods and participation in/as activities that stimulate the feeling of happiness within the mind - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this fear is irrational because it is not rational to fear something that will support myself as life within and to love something that I abuse myself within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue this pursuit of happiness even to this day where I allow myself to abuse myself for the desire for happiness within consuming candy and sweet foods and being lazy within the day - sleeping a lot or entertaining myself all day - and to in this not live a solution within myself to stop the desire for happiness and to direct and control myself within the want for happiness to live a solution that is best for me as life, and in this I commit myself to stopping my addiction to happiness and to stop abusing myself within the consumption of candy and entertainment and to start to live the definition and word support into/as me here in each breath wherein I walk support in each breath instead of the desire for happiness

I commit myself to when/as I am searching for the desire for happiness and start to abuse myself through/as not taking responsibility for myself to stop in that moment and take a breath, slow myself down within the mind, slowing myself down from the desire to manifest happiness, and to direct myself to take responsibility in that moment for whatever I am abdicating responsibility within and to separate myself from any desire in that moment and be here with myself for a bit until I have calmed myself down to see past the initial desire for happiness and see past the images and thoughts that come up within the mind, to see what I will be accepting and allowing myself to do to myself and life in that one moment and through calming myself down and seeing myself in that moment to make the deliberate choice to not participate in the desire for happiness and stick to being here with myself in walking the point of responsibility and taking charge of myself in life - creating myself without the desire for happiness so that I walk here within responsibility the best that I can

I commit myself to showing the correlation to diabetes, depression, and happiness through the connections that we are associated with as children and as humanity as a whole where sugar is being used as a reward for good things therefore it is used as a positive stimulus and that if that connection is not corrected by/as self then we will continue into the future to consume sugar for that positive feeling whenever we feel down

I commit myself to being more diligent and patient with myself in walking this point of desire for happiness because I have allowed the relationship to consume me to the point where I've gotten `sick` from the lack of happiness within the Dis-Ease that is diabetes and that within walking the stopping of the addiction to happiness there will be points that I become down and depressed within and to in this be patient with myself as I walk myself out of the desire for happiness

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