Sunday, October 14, 2012
Day 184 - Fear and Hypoglycemia Part 3
accepted and allowed myself to fear having diabetes, fear the struggle that it may bring me in walking this life and in this system - fear being susceptible to the highs and lows of blood sugar levels, fear having to deal with the constant that is me being a diabetic, and when/as hypoglycemia occurs to fear facing this fact, fearing facing that I will have to walk this life with diabetes and make sure that I take proper and effective care of myself and in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take immediate responsibility for myself and do all that I can to make sure that I stop abusing and misleading myself into self-sabotage, and correct myself to live within what is best for me as life - no matter what it takes, removing all that is within me that is clearly not within the context of what is best for me as life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear and anger when I am hypoglycemic because of the realization that diabetes is going to plague me if I do not stop fucking around with myself and start to take proper care of myself and stand equal and one to the care of myself in diabetes, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and do what must be done here within the physical to take proper effective care of myself, trusting myself to not avoid myself being a diabetic, trust myself to not avoid taking proper care of myself for the experience of happiness, trusting myself to be responsible for myself within what I am accepting and allowing within myself, and live the point of responsibility within taking care of myself in diabetes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of happiness, and fear letting go of the blinders that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within all so that I can maintain a constant of happiness and positivity - ignoring the hell that is here and lived by most beings in this world, and in this react in frustration when I am hypoglycemic because it immediately brings me out of that experience of happiness, joy, and ignorance, and back into reality within what I must walk within/as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hypoglycemic because it is the one point that brings me out of the experience of happiness, joy, and ignorance of what this world is and has become at the hands of us, in this fearing seeing this reality for what is has become and my responsibility within it all
I commit myself to stop allowing myself to manipulate myself within the desire for happiness, only to come down from an emotional high through becoming hypoglycemic, and react in fear of facing what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in and the ignorance that I have participated in within the context of ignoring myself in being a diabetic through the desire to be happy and positive, in this staying stable within the support of myself in being a diabetic, in this I commit myself to stop walking into happiness within the context to experience something, committing myself to stay stable here within the physical and make sure that every moment I am living within consideration of myself as life and what I am living within/as me
I commit myself to not allow happiness and the fear of losing happiness to direct me any longer, not allowing the desire and want for happiness to blind me from being here with myself in breath as life and taking proper effective care of myself as a diabetic and in this I commit myself to stop looking for happiness and the desire for happiness but to keep myself stable within the care of myself and the care of life in this world so that I stop accepting the points within myself as humanity that has allowed this ignorance of life to exist and the abuse of life to exist
I commit myself to when and as I am hypoglycemic and reacting in frustration or anger to breathe in that moment and forgive myself for the positivity that I was trying to hold onto and bring myself back here in breath, grounding myself and walking the necessary steps to correct the low that I go through at that moment - not allowing myself to react in fear or anger for facing what I must walk in this life in regards to being a diabetic - and in this I commit myself to take responsibility onto myself to not allow one single moment of a lack of direction within myself
I commit myself to stop the desire to want an easy life which then creates the struggle that I experience due to an expectation that I have of what life should be like and what it will be like - and to walk through all points that come my way with diligence and common sense, and a grounding of myself in breath wherein I walk through the points in breath without a reaction of anger and frustration from the expectation of it being easy.
I commit myself to stopping the fear of walking this life without happiness and stopping the fear of walking it in a point of constantly lived responsibility as a point that I live in breath - always living responsibility for myself in this world and not allowing myself to indulge in the desire for happiness but maintaining myself in stability within breath and in this I commit myself to remove myself from the addiction to energy.