Thursday, November 1, 2012
Day 202 - Listening and Response Ability
I've started a new course with a new teacher and getting used to the teacher has been a bit of a struggle for me. The last teacher that I had was very effective in her ability to explain the material that she was teaching in a way that each student was able to understand relatively easily. This new teacher has not developed that ability effectively. I find myself struggling to understand her, and in this I find myself going into the mind more and more as she is speaking because there are times that she goes off track of the material and starts to rant about points that are connected to the material but things that we do not need to learn nor are on any test or any assignment. So as she starts to go off track I as well go off track within the mind - I start to think about random things, and as I do this I notice that I will absolutely block out her and the thoughts and backchat that I have at that time is `loud` enough for me to not hear a damn thing at that moment. In this I've realized that I am able to give myself RESPONSE ABILITY by/as being responsible for myself within understanding the material - I am able to be aware of myself here in breath and see when/as she is diverting off track and in this I am able to respond effectively to get her back on track…I've seen this, I have not taken responsibility for myself in it yet, nor have I given myself the ability to respond appropriately to her. - As I start to participate in the mind with thoughts and backchat I literally abdicate any response ability in that moment because I am not here with myself paying attention to what she is saying and whether or not it has any relevance to the material that is being taught.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start thinking and backchatting about whatever comes up within the mind at the time that the teacher starts to diverge off track from the course material, not giving myself the ability to effectively respond to her and get her back on track to the course material to effectively convey and explain the material that she is teaching
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose concentration of myself in breath and awareness of myself as the teacher as well loses concentration and awareness of walking the course material, in this allowing myself to stray `off course` equal to and with her, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stay here in breath with myself paying attention to the words that she is saying, paying attention to the relevance of the topic that she is speaking about in relation to the course material that we are walking within any given moment, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dis Track myself from paying attention when/as she starts speaking something that I am not completely understanding, instead of allowing myself to pay unconditional attention to what she is saying no matter what the topic or the wording - in this giving myself the ability to effectively respond to her and get her back on track as well as myself and allow myself and the class to better understand the material
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting the teacher back on track due to the relationship of/as authority and subordinate, believing that I do not have the right to stop her in her tracks as she diverges from the topic or material that we are currently learning - in this allowing myself to step back and just allow the teacher to lose track which is clearly not best for the class, myself, nor the teacher in understanding the material or understanding how to effectively teach the material and stay on track
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the teacher as an equal to me within/as the environment of the class room and the education system - and in this remove the belief that she is a teacher and has the right words, the right to not be questioned, because she is more `knowledgeable` than me and that in this I have no authority to speak up and direct her within the material in this abdicating my responsibility to support myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the responsibility within myself to pay attention to myself and when/as I get distracted to in this assist and support the teacher and the rest of the class equally to help her explain the material effectively so that we understand it effectively - not taking responsibility through allowing myself to participate in the mind and separate myself from the physical, separate myself from effectively listening to the teacher, abdicating my ability to respond because I am not listening simply, I am not paying attention to the words that she is saying I am paying attention to the thoughts, the backchat that I am creating within the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am responsible for myself within the class and that in this responsibility I must give myself the ability to respond through staying attentive to the class, to the teacher, to the material that is being learnt by us, to the words that the teacher is using, to myself within the points that I am having trouble understanding - and in being attentive to these points give myself the ability to speak effectively within/as these points to be able to clear myself up in these points and as well allow the teacher to effectively explain things in a way that I and others am able to understand
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have the ability to support myself and the class within the material through paying attention to the teacher and what she is saying, giving myself the ability to respond appropriately to the teacher with what she is saying, so that I am able to make sure that I understand the material through asking the appropriate questions and using the appropriate words
More SF statements on this Tomorrow.