Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 203 - Listening and Response Ability Part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the opportunity within the class to raise my hand and ask proper questions based on my understanding of the material at any given moment, taking responsibility for myself within the course, taking responsibility for myself within/as the course material by giving myself the ability to respond, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking a dumb question, fear being judged for asking a question that assists and supports me in understanding the material - limiting myself from allowing myself to grasp the material effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather participate in the mind within backchat and ego when there are words that I do not understand within the course material that the teacher is teaching at any specific moment, go into backchat to where I `supposedly` know myself and start to communicate to myself within/as thoughts, separating myself from the ability to listen to the teach effectively, separating myself from the ability to respond through/as participating in and giving more attention to the backchat that I am creating within the mind, instead of staying aware and attentive within/as myself and continue to listen to the teacher to see if anything was mentioned that would further help me understand the material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the teacher and her teaching methods with thoughts of `this is stupid` `Her teaching method sucks` `she is a bad teacher` in this justifying myself within not understanding the material - placing the blame onto her as a teacher, instead of taking responsibility within myself within/as the material in the course, and myself within the class to ask questions so that I do understand the material, to ask questions where I am misunderstanding the material, because it is not her that is not understanding the material, it is me that is not understanding the material, so I am the only one that is able to work with myself within/as the material to be able to assist and support myself within/as the material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the patience within the class and patience with myself with the teacher in making sure that I properly understand the material, patience meaning, taking the necessary effort to remain here in breath and stability within each word that is spoken by the teacher, patience within making sure that I understand the words spoken, patience within myself in working on the material, patience within the rate that the course is progressing, patience with the other students in the class, patience within working on the homework - and in this giving myself patience to walk slowly the material, walk the course, walk the understanding of the teacher at a rate that I begin to understand both the teacher, how she teachers, and the material that is being taught and myself within/as the material to best give myself the ability to effectively learn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the ability to respond through becoming impatient with the teacher and the class, becoming impatient at the rate that the course is moving because of the fear of the class not moving fast enough for the material that we need to cover, fear not knowing enough about the subject/material/course for me to effectively walk the material within the next level within the education system, and in this impatience allow myself to react and go into the mind, thinking about how the course is not moving fast enough, instead of taking the responsibility unto myself to make sure that I walk the material - to make sure that I walk the course at a pace that I am satisfied with in regards to understanding and effectively applying the material within the course, and in this take the responsibility unto myself to give myself the opportunity to better walk the material through using the plethora of resources that this world has to offer namely the internet, walking a bit ahead of the course material on the internet if I see that I am understanding the material quickly, but the pace at which the course is moving is quite slow, in this taking responsibility for myself within the possibilities within the future to best support myself as I walk this course and walk the point of effective responsibility for myself within/as the course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking the teacher to explain herself through/as the fear of taking any possible reaction that she may have personally, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not separate myself from taking things personally in regards to reactions of making the teacher explain herself, explain the material in a different way/wording that assist and supports me within how to effectively walk the material, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider myself within/as the material and not everyone else within the class equal and one, so in this as I allow myself to not take responsibility for myself within/as the class through asking effective questions, I thus then allow others to not take responsibility for themselves as well within/as asking the same questions, making sure that they as well understand the material properly and effectively - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view learning as a point of competition, approach learning within competition between me and the other students within the class, instead of realizing that they are in this with me and are walking the same system that I am, and in this to not realize that it is not competition between me and other students but it solely comes down to me vs me within the material, learning the material, and applying the material properly within tests and exams - and that it doesn't matter if any one else does well as well, it only really matter about how I walk with myself in the course and the material - so thus within this I am stating that I do not need to approach others in the system/class with fear of them doing better than I, but to see them as an equal within/as walking the exact same system/class/structure that I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I continue on the path of separation and inequality within/as the class, continue within the greed and fear of others and myself within/as the system or within this class on a small scale, then each is left to fight for their own and the teacher will continue on with the same patterns and teaching methods that she's been using without any correction, because as I continue to accept and allow myself to continue within the separation of myself in relation to the other classmates I see that I am not able to stand as a group of/as the class and walk the teacher into a method of teaching that best supports us all, as it has been clear that much of the class is struggling walking the material.

I commit myself to walking through the fear of asking the teacher more questions, asking the teacher to better explain herself, or to explain herself/the material in a different way so that I am able to understand the material and thus then able to walk the course within understanding, removing any stresses or fears that I may have within myself in regards to walking the course

I commit myself to working with the class and standing as a group with as the class in asking questions for each of us to make sure that the teacher is seeing where and how she is using in effective methods in teaching, and to as well give each of us the best chance to walk the material through/as asking the questions that are within us all

I commit myself to being patient with myself in the course, being patient with the teacher and her teaching method, being patient with the teacher as she explains the material, being patient with myself in understanding the material, being patient with the teacher finding other methods and ways of explaining/teaching the material that we are learning

I commit myself to when/as I find myself drifting off in the mind within thoughts and backchat while the teacher is teaching material to stop in that moment and breathe, bring myself back here to the physical in breath and pay attention to the words that she is speaking, making sure that I pay attention to her within/as the words/material that she is speaking so that I give myself to proper ability to respond effectively to the words that she is speaking and so that I am able to take proper responsibility for myself within understanding the material because as I pay attention to the words, I will be able to see where it is that I have `lost` myself within the words and material

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