Thursday, November 8, 2012

Day 209 - Re-Alignment to Responsibility, Direction, and Breath Part 4


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient enough within going through the time at work or going through time at school wherein I allow myself to become `bored` and start to fuck around in the mind and with energy wherein I allow myself to drift off from being here with myself in responsibility, focus and direction by allowing myself to go into the point of impatience wherein I want an experience immediately, I want a point of entertainment immediately and not `receiving` it - creating the experience of boredom within myself and in this allow myself to not be responsible for myself or keep myself focused within work and being here with myself in the physical movements of work, or in class and keeping myself attentive to each word that is being spoke by the teacher and all the information that is being taught - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, in the moment of impatience, realize that I am actually being impatient with myself in the slowness of time and breath - and in this realization to bring myself back here in breath and walk whatever it is I must walk - school, work, commutes, assignments, blogs etc, within each breath - breath by breath - and stay here in stability with myself in breath as I keep myself focused and directive and attentive within that which I am applying myself within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of time moving slow to overwhelm me to the point where I `lose` patience with myself within time and lose patience with whatever it is that I am doing at that moment and in this losing patience allow myself to separate myself, distract myself, from the physical processes and relationships that are always here that allow me to, and give me, life/live, and in this separation allow myself to not remain focused and directive and attentive to myself here in breath as life because I am looking and wanting for that experience of/as energy, I am looking for the more that I perceive to exist within energy, within some type of energetical rush within happiness, or fear, or sadness etc, and in this wanting more than what is here within/as time separate myself here from any ability to respond appropriately because I've allowed myself to focus more within the mind and the energy that I am seeking than what is physically here in each breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down to breath by breath time, wherein I am here with myself in each breath - breath by breath - living the point of responsibility for myself in each breath as I am not within the mind in energetical projections and assumptions and hopes etc, but I am here with myself in breath giving myself the ability to respond appropriate to that which comes up - to anything that happens within work, to any material that is being taught in school, to any words that are spoken to me - I will be able to give myself the ability to respond appropriately though allowing myself to be here with myself in each breath - breath by breath within the slowness that exists in each breath and the specificity that exists in each breath - in this giving myself the ability to focus up within specificity as in each breath I am here and not periodically here when/as I am within the mind thinking, believing, backchatting etc

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the experience of being bored through allowing myself to want some type of experience that I myself am not even able to specify in detail exactly what I want - I only want something to keep me occupied within time - occupied with energy, instead of stopping myself within the want - stopping myself within the mind as the want, stop hoping for the want and expecting the want and wanting the want, in this bringing myself back here to breath and breathing where there is no want where I want nothing where I am here within no want, no boredom but here with myself paying attention to myself in breath, giving myself the attention that I've abdicated for so long because of my participation within the mind, and in this giving myself attention here as life - give myself value and focus within/as myself as life, and life itself focus and attention - in this giving myself the value of/as life and giving myself the ability to respond and remain directive here within myself as life as I will allow no more wants within me to distract me from walking this point within myself of/as life, but simply remain here as myself as life within breath, giving myself the ability to remain focused, remain attentive to best give myself the ability to walk through this system with effectiveness and not allow myself to go off on tangents within/as energy or boredom or impatience etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind when/as I feel like there is too much time within a moment - when I am waiting for something to happen and I am in the experience of time moving too slow - in this going into the experience of boredom and impatience - and in this allowing myself to become lazy and irresponsible because I am looking for things to `kill` time with instead of being here with myself in unconditional self support within each breath - within patience with myself here in each breath - breath by breath -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I am in the experience of boredom or time moving too slow that I am able to stop all the reactions within me by seeing that which I am wanting and looking forward to and stop the want - stop the projection into/as the hope for the experience in which I am waiting for - in this bring myself back here and breath and walk that which is here in breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in anticipation for the next experience of energy - or exist within want and hope for an experience to manifest in my reality - in this allowing myself to wait and in this waiting allow impatience, allow boredom, allow myself to become irresponsible through allowing myself to not be here with myself in breath, allow myself to lose focus on what is here in front of me, allow myself to fuck around with what is here because I allow myself to go into a point of separation within what is here through allowing myself to want and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself in space and time and walk that which is here breath by breath within patience and the time that is within breath by breath because there is nothing else that I am able to do other than what is here within one breath and thus everything else that is not here within one breath is absolutely irrelevant to being here - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remove the want and desire when I am within impatience and not bring myself back here within each breath that I take - in this to not give myself patience, focus, attention and responsibility to being here and directing myself within what is here within each breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility by allowing myself to become impatient with myself in the physical time and space, abdicating my responsibility through allowing myself to become impatient as I wait for a want that I am hoping to exist within the mind - allowing myself to frequently look at the clock or look at the point that I am waiting for - instead of being here with myself within patience and direct myself here within breath as patience within breath by breath slowness - giving myself the ability to focus and direct myself within specificity as I give myself to being here with myself in each breath allowing myself to see specificity within the slowness of each breath as I am here in each breath seeing `time go by` in each breath and thus allowing myself to see and respond within specificity and detail instead of allowing myself to see periodically when/as I allow myself to want within the mind - wherein I spend more time focusing on the pictures, the ideas, the situation, the possible scenarios within the want that I am creating within the mind - consequently not allowing myself to see the physical or what is here with specificity because my sight is literally clouded by the images and pictures and scenarios that I am developing/creating within the holographic illusions within the mind

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