Thursday, November 15, 2012
Day 216 - McDonaldsization and Responsibility Part 3
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want life to be easy by having things handed to me on a platter for doing nothing - for giving no effort into the equation of receiving - allowing myself to become expectant of rewards throughout my life for putting in no effort to receive that reward
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to receive one must give and to receive that which one would like in life one must according give equally to that which is received to live within the principle of equality because I cannot continuously receive without putting in my fair share into the task that I would like to receive from and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect things for free in this reality, to expect things to be given to me for doing nothing through keeping and holding onto the memory of receiving Mcdonalds when I get stitches under my eye, want things to be given to me for free, want rewards to be free and unconditionally given at every moment that I would want one - similarly acting in accordance to sweets and treats wherein I expected to be given candies just because I wanted it and if I were to not get the reward when I wanted it throw a tantrum for not getting it as a method of creating a disturbance in someone's reality in order to get the reward for free
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use nastiness and essentially blackmail when I was a child, the blackmail being throwing a tantrum in front of everyone or being nasty to my parents when I did not receive what I wanted, manipulating and being an asshole to those that I saw as providers of the treats/rewards for not giving me my happiness in the form of a reward and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as a reward is given such as a lollipop or a sweet the behaviour is accepted and allowed causing myself and others to allow ourselves to be assholes to those that are the providers of treats for us just to go into the polarity of being nice for a moment in order to receive that reward or treat - thus in giving a reward for nice or pleasant behaviour one implicitly accepts the opposite behaviour as a contrast for the rewarded giving the person/child a reference on how to behave in one moment and then how to behave in the next moment in order to get a treat
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the relationship between my parents and I through allowing myself to become an asshole and a devilish child where I would throw tantrums and lash out at them just because I was not given a treat or given something that I had wanted at that moment and in this to allow myself to remain a constant, unsympathetic asshole to my parents over time because I was given everything with the expectation of doing nothing - not allowing myself to see how much effort they've put into and had to walk through in their lives in order to raise me in this world - and in this expect everything from my parents or an authority figure for doing little to nothing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yell, scream, cuss, and become violent at my parents when I was younger and still to this day be unsympathetic and nasty to them within who they are - attacking them when the opportunity is needed such as when I am told to do something that I do not want to do or feel attacked myself with words and the nastiness that I've developed as a child in order to maintain receiving these treats that I've gotten throughout my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that things in this world are not free and that the rewards in this world are not without an input of effort to receive them - defining rewards within something that one wants - and that when/as my parents would give me something that I wanted they needed to put in effort to provide for me and they needed slave away in this money system in order to provide for me, they needed to give up their lives in order to provide one for me, and that being nasty to them with cussing and manipulative words and insincere promises is absolutely uncalled for and is absolutely abusive and that in this I realize that I have never been grateful for that which has been given to me unconditionally, so I ask why should I continue to receive if I have not given an equal effort in/as myself in/as life - and that in this why should we receive life if we only squander and take for granted each breath that we take here in the physical and choose to ignore the plethora, the vast amount of relationships that are here in every breath that support us as life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take that which has been given to me in this life, all the materials, all the opportunities, the housing, the food, the opportunity to develop myself in/as an effective human being and squander them, take them for granted through the belief that I should receive these things unconditionally and from a whine and a want not ever considering what I have in fact here in this life, never considering what has actually been given to me in this life as LIFE itself, abusing life, abusing myself as life, abusing myself to a level that is beyond measure and that only my own forgiveness of myself will ever repair and correct
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider all that which has been given to me in this life, all that which has been provided to me because of the region of the world that I live in, to not consider all other regions, all of the relationships that go into making the materials here, into making this life within the first world possible, and in this turn a blind eye to the abuse that exists in every breath here, within all the materials that are here, within all that IS here, not allowing myself to stand up from this abuse by/as considering the relationships here, considering and taking note of the processes that have gone into making this world the way it is, considering the life lost, the life abused, the life squandered in order to make this world the way it is.
I commit myself to changing the relationship that I have allowed myself to live with giving and receiving from one of expecting receiving without giving into giving to all that which I would like to receive - to give to myself that which I would like to receive in/as this life which is a quality of life, which is the ability to in fact live without enslavement to money, without enslavement to allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions to define me, which is the necessities of life being given unconditionally from birth to death and in this I commit myself to put in the effort within supporting the Equal Money System equal to that which I would like to receive within/as the Equal Money System so that I give to all and to myself within/as the support of the Equal Money System - give myself the ability to in fact live and not live a systematic lifestyle that is wrought with abuse and mistreatment of life
I commit myself to changing myself in the relationship of give and take from taking all the time from others without equal giving into giving unconditionally that which I would like to receive from the equation/situation - in this considering all the relationships that exist within the equation/situation and accordingly live what is best for all relationships in that equation/situation, and in this to start to consider all the relationships that exist here in the physical that have provided me the gift of life and accordingly give life back to them by/as supporting the Equal Money System and pushing for it's implementation into/as this world so that life here is not conditioned to a specific quality of life due to geographical location or money within a bank account but provided unconditionally for all that are here simply because they are here and accordingly support all that is here by being here.
I commit myself to investigating all the relationships here that provide me with the ability to live here in this physical and in investigating the relationships within myself to start to change myself into living what is best for all the relationships here within the physical and within my body to give myself the best quality of life possible within the limitations that are here at the moment, to give myself the best quality of life within the limitation of diabetes, within the limitation of my geological location, within the limitations of/as money at this current stage within process, and in this live what is best for all within providing myself a life of quality within/as lived actions and decisions to give what is best for all to all
I commit myself to stop taking that which has provided to me for granted, stop taking the materials that are here that allow me to live the way I do for granted, to stop taking the breath for granted, to stop taking the opportunities that are here for me for granted and to in this live what is best for all within the consideration of all that is here and has provided me with the ability to live here in the physical - and to in this stop squandering the life that has been given to me by only living for my own self interest and to start consider all the relationships in equality that allow me to live here and support all the relationships here within what is best for all - investigating what I am able to live within/as that is best for all the relationships and in this I commit myself to give life to that which has given me life and support me as life here by/as changing my living into consideration of all that is here and what is being lived by all that is here - investigating and changing the relationships that I live within here to that which is best for all