Friday, November 16, 2012

Day 217 - McDonaldsization and Responsibility Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the effort or put in the effort into this world, into my participation in this life in equality to that which I would like to receive from this world from living from that which I would like to be able to live within/as which is a lack of monetary enslavement, a lack of constant fear and worry that I will not be able to provide myself a life of dignity, a lack of worry that I will be able to provide the necessities of life at a point in time in my life - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not share at every opportunity and possibility the Equal Money System and the principles that it stands within/as wherein I've thus not given myself the opportunity to support the Equal Money System by/as allowing one more to investigate it and support it, by not allowing the 1+1 relationship that is necessary for the Equal Money System to be birthed into this reality by/as us and our participation and support of/as it, in this not giving myself the Equal Money System by/as not sharing it - not giving it to others and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief throughout childhood that all things will just work out fine, that all worries, fears and issues that this world is going through will sort themselves out by/as another, such as my emotions and fears when/as getting stitches were `sorted` out by another by receiving a treat - in this allowing a ignorant and blind perspective on the effort that it takes to really sort things out in this world by each and every one of us as humans standing together under the same principles which is living that which is best for all in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how much effort it will take to correct ourselves in this world, to correct each and every aspect of ourselves into that which is best for all life in all relationships that exist here in the physical, not realizing or considering or applying myself in living the fact that to correct ourselves is going to take an entire restructuring of our `nature` and that this task for each and everyone of us is going to be difficult, because we are going to have to face the shit that we've allowed to exist in/as ourselves and promulgate into this world through/as our actions and accepted relationships with ourselves and that in this there is no treat at the end of the road - there is no immediate reward of happiness and good feelings - there is no fast food pleasure, no sugar within our nature but only abuse and evil within/as our nature and that we are going to have to stop looking for the treat when `hard times` exist and ground ourselves here in the physical so that we remain stable in/as our application of ourselves in correcting ourselves into considering the relationships here in this world, and that this goes for me as well = there is no treat in this for me - no sugar coating who I've become and accepted myself to live as and that I am going to need to face the shit within me that I've allowed without a reward expected in this giving myself a reward of/as living that which is best for all in this world, which is not necessarily a reward but simply an outcome of process and my application within/as it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how much effort I will need to put into myself in changing myself and the relationships that I am living within - that the fast and quick experience of pleasure when feeling pain is not going to exist within me as I walk process but it is going to be simply a 1+1 application of myself here in breath in/as removing and facing who and what I've allowed myself to become - and that there is not a quick fix solution to who I am, nor another that is able to `heal` me in this or provide me some comfort as I walk myself in who I've become but only a self honest approach in seeing me for who I really am and change through the 1+1 application of breath and correction of myself and my due diligence to remain here in breath and stop allowing thoughts to direct me, stop allowing feelings and emotions to affect my decisions on what I will participate in/as this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the effort that will be needed by me to walk myself into an absolute point of correction through believing that things will all work out for the better in the end and that there will eventually, somehow be a treat or a reward at the end of this journey of life through allowing the memory of being given Mcdonalds when I had to get stitches to remain here within me and affect my decision and living habits in regards to allowing the belief that somehow things will turn out for the better through the memory of being treated when I cut my eye and had to get stitches.

I forgve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when/as I was getting stitches that there was quite a bit of emotions going on within me at that point - there was fear, there was uncertainty of what will happen, there was a lot of fear of dying or being harmed or being mamed for life and that when/as I received and accepted Mcdonalds after getting stitches to calm the unease that I was going through within myself that I in that moment accepted and allowed myself to suppress that which I was going through within me and turn a blind eye to what I was living within by allowing the happiness within receiving a treat to become the point in which I would focus on and consequently ignore that which was underneath the feeling of being happy for getting a treat at the time of my eye being cut

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be corrected immediately and not have to walk through myself in facing the evil within, want an immediate resolution to who I am to what is here and not put in the effort to/as myself in that which I would like to receive from myself in regards to living what is best for me - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the effort to create and support an effective change within myself to that which is best for me as life, but to only expect change through a miracle basically through /as the expecation of a Mcdonalds effect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this world is created by physical application and effort being put into developing this world and that nothing in this comes for `free` - all must be worked for - thus in order for me to receive equally I must give equally that which I would like to receive - give to myself and others equally and in process in order for me to receive stability - to receive awareness of myself I must give myself awareness, I must give myself something from nothing birth myself from nothingness which I am currently living through/as not allowing myself to give equally to that which I would like to receive into life which means that I must give myself life - I must give life and support live, all life here unconditionally, in which I have not been doing because I've been continuing to support the systems that are not life itself, by allowing myself to conitnually participate in them through thoughts and lived actions that represent the world systems from/within myself from the micro to the macro - and thus in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the effort to live, give myself the effort to be here in breath in each moment and stop myself within thoughts, stop myself from allowing the thoughts existent within the mind to be/become my directive principle as that which is within thoughts is only related to the systems of abuse that we are currently living - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the effort to change myself from/within the systems that I live within into support for life, into the birthing of life, into the giving of life, stopping the taking of life for granted - which I have been living.

I commit myself to giving myself patience as I walk myself within the mind and to give myself the wherewithal to not become overwhelmed at the extent of my participation within the mind - to not become overwhelmed with the want to immediately correct myself and to walk through myself within the systems here within me with due diligence and patience with myself within them as I correct myself, as I find the ways to correct myself within the systems through giving myself brutal self honesty within them, giving myself forGIVEness for what I've allowed myself to live and forgiveness for the abuse that I've allowed myself to create unto myself and others in this world through participating in the systems that a wrought with abuse - shown through the money system, shown through the sex system, shown through the education system, shown through all that we are living here in each breath in every moment that we take a breath wherein each breath there is a form of abuse existent in this world - which is when I look at it, completely fucked up - that there is not one moment, not one breath that is without abuse somewhere in this world - that in each breath there is someone starving, there are workers being pushed to the extent of their bodies in order to survive in this world, there are forests being raped for resources, the world is being raped for resources in each moment to abnormal (abusive) levels

I commit myself to see and consider, not just consider but to understand and correct my lived relationships in this world that are not supportive of the best life to first give myself the best life and to thus provide others with the ability to as well give themeselves the best life possible so that we as humans in this world do not allow abnormal use of this Earth, but live the principle of what is best for ALL within considering all relationships that are existent within one moment and one decision, and thus in this I commit myself to stop only focusing on myself within the relationship that I WANT within my decisions but to consider and choose to live what is best for all - finding out what is best for all through making mistakes as I discover what is best for myself and others as life - as I realize that I have not applied myself diligently in living that which is best for all and thus I do not know how to live within the principle of what is best for all

I commit myself to sharing the Equal Money System with others when it is pertinent to the conversation, and when it is clear that the other is considering and looking for a solution to the abuse in this world, sharing with them all that I can about the system and the correction process that each of us must undergo in order to birth life from this system as ourselves - that we must birth ourselves as life to give life to this world within/as the Equal Money System - giving the ability for us as humans to in fact live here on this Earth without being slaves - and consequently we must stop accepting ourselves as slaves to our thoughts/emotions/feelings - stand up from them in breath and walk here within breath - with clarity from emotions and feelings and thoughts - with clarity from the fog that the mind has been a source of - the fog that we've created through only considering ourselves in the mind within our choices of actions and decision making processes.

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