Monday, November 19, 2012

Day 219 - McDonaldsization and Responsibility Part 6


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that somehow, eventually, everything will be ok because when I cut my eye and was very confused and fearful of what was happening in my reality at that time I was treated with stitches and given McDonalds afterwards in which I allowed myself to suppress the emotions that I was experiencing at that time thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this memory within the belief that everything will eventually be alright - that all the troubles in my life will and can be solved with some positivity - failing to realize that the only thing that positivity is doing at that moment is suppressing and placing a veil over the emotions that I am experiencing at a given moment not allowing myself to investigate what I am going through at that time, nor solve or understand myself within the emotions that I am experiencing at a given moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk through life believing that everything will be ok in regards to my survival and experience of myself in this world -that at the end of turmoil I will always feel good or things will always be better from the experience of suppressing my emotions when I got my eye cut and had to get stitches where I allowed myself to suppress the emotions within me through accepting the reward of McDonalds wherein I placed a veil over the emotions that I was feeling at that time and decided to not look at the emotions or what was going on within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk through this life basically on autopilot through the belief that everything will be alright - walking through life on autopilot - allowing my life to be directed by/as the forces that exist here in the physical or allowing myself to direct myself through the thoughts/emotions/feelings that I have where I just follow the thoughts/feelings/emotions allowing myself to be directed through/as an `external` source from/as myself - not allowing myself to be here with myself in breath in seeing this world, in seeing what has become of this world, and seeing who/where/what I am within this world and giving myself direction in this world by/as giving myself self direction throughout life - wherein I do not allow myself to simply follow the thoughts that arise within the mind, wherein I do not allow myself to simply follow the emotions and feelings but consider what is to come from myself in actively participating in the thoughts/feelings/emotions and see if myself in participating in them will lead myself in the direction that I have decided for myself upon giving myself direction in this reality and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live on autopilot by believing that everything will eventually work out fine in this world and that my life will essentially be ok in regards to happiness and satisfaction due to myself accepting the feeling of happiness when receiving McDonalds when I had to get stitches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I follow the thoughts/emotions and feelings within myself that I am not here living as myself in/as breath as life but I am allowing a systematic representation of myself to direct myself from within/as and that following the systematic design - that I myself created in the belief of myself being within/as - I am not here directing myself in giving myself life in/as breathing and directing myself throughout this world - walking a path that would lead to satisfaction with myself in/as this world - but always directing myself through a systematic set of beliefs that are existent in the past projected into the future in which nothing is certain to exist within the belief yet the belief is upheld by myself as valid - the belief that if I walk this life within/as the systematic design the I have created for/as myself in/as the mind that all will be alright for me in this life - thus accepting myself to be oblivious to what is in fact happening here in each breath on earth through allowing the veil of the belief of a constant future projection that everything will eventually be alright - and that in this ignore through my daily living that we are on the constant state of absolute destruction by/as our own hands through this belief that everything will be alright eventually - somehow - that someone somewhere will live the responsibility needed by all of us on this world to make the effective change that will stop us from going down the self destructive path that we are currently on - and in this same goes for myself as an individual - thus in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything that I live as/within will all work itself out eventually and that I am able to continue on the path that I am living on regardless of the consequences through the belief that someone or something will change me ignoring the fact that I am 100% responsible for myself in every act that I allow myself to participate in - that I am 100% responsible for every thought that I participate in and that I am 100% responsible for how I live myself in this world and that there is nothing and no one that will change me - and thus it is pertinent that I live responsibility unto/as myself in this life and take the deliberate responsibility to change myself in how I live my daily life to consider all the relationships that are here in this world that I participate within/as and change myself from the abusive nature that I have allowed myself to become and live as into supporting and living within the principle of what is best for all in each and every breath that I take and allow no point within myself wherein I misdirect myself in this world through participating and accepting a thought that holds no value to life itself here in each breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the absolute abuse that exists within believing that everything will be alright in the end - somehow someway, because it allows me to not effectively participate here in breath as life itself here in the physical but constantly and continuously applies a point to the future within a hope and expectation that I am able to do whatever I please here in each breath because in the end - at death - or in the end at some point down the road in my life everything will work out for the better and everything everyone will live happily ever after - when it is clear that we humans are not walking down a path of `everything will be alright` because we are constantly making this world worse for each living being here - we are continuously making all the relationships that exist here worse for each living being and that the fairy tale ending that everything is going to be alright is blinding us from seeing and living the responsibility unto each individual that is needed to birth the world from the abuse that it is living within due to our hands into a world that is best for all life and all relationships that exist here in the physical

I commit myself to when/as I see myself putting off something that needs to be directed within the moment with the belief that I can do it later and that it will be fine if I put it off until later because eventually everything will work out for me to in that moment stop that belief, breath and direct that situation within one breath living immediate RESPONSE ABILITY to that thought and belief and respond appropriately to that thought and belief by/as living immediate responsibility for myself within the situation that needs to be directed within that one moment

I commit myself to removing the entirety of the belief that everything will be alright and that eventually, somehow, someway all things in this world will turn out for the better - and to in this stop waiting for death to be my end all be all, and live life here in each breath - not waiting for the decisions that I MUST make in this life to support myself here as life for a later time/date and in this I commit myself to living and developing an immediate response to things that I am putting off until later to direct them when they are here staring me in the face

I commit myself to stopping the belief of a fairy tale ending that everything will be alright, and to clearly see the atrocious living conditions that we are all living within and supporting because even though my living conditions are not bad at all - the way and context in which I am living within/as is supporting the living conditions that are wrought with a constant daily suffering by many beings in this world

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I commit myself to stopping the constant future projection from the past memory of receiving McDonalds when I got stitches that everything will eventually be alright and take the time and effort to look here within myself within that which I am unsatisfied with within my living and that which I am not living within the context and definition of self respect and self integrity and dignity and to live responsibility in that moment to apply self respect, integrity and dignity and dedicate myself to applying this to myself in/as my daily living to give to myself that which I would like to receive and give that to others as well - and within this I commit myself to looking at the relationship within the belief that everything will be alright wherein if/as the same moment would occur wherein I would be offered McDonalds for getting stitches = the same context = to look at the relationships that are occurring in that moment and decide unto myself that which is best for me which would be looking at what taking the McDonalds would create and allow within myself to live within/as and create and allow within this world.

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