Friday, November 23, 2012

Day 224 - Time, Pressure and Stress Part 4

This post is a continuation of Part 2 concerning University application and the stresses that I am putting myself under in regards to applying to university


In order to become accepted to the programs that I would like to be accepted to, I need relatively high grades in each of the courses that I will be taking from now until June. These grades are grades that I have never `achieved` before throughout my educational history and I am stressing myself out about the need to get these grades and the possible what if I do not get these grades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out about receiving high grades in each of the courses that I will be taking in the coming year, to worry about my ability to get these grades because I am using the memory of who I was within my application of myself in education during my high school years and the belief of my capacity within the education system - believing that I am not able to achieve these high grades because it is far beyond my capacity to do so, not realizing that I am only living within a memory of who I was in the education system while I was in high school, and that I have changed who I was within education from then to now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the stress that I am placing on myself is irrelevant to my ability to apply myself within school, because the stress is a constant projection of myself into the future into/as not achieving the grades that I need to receive and it is not a point based in reality in regards to applying myself here in breath on/in each test that I take and throughout the material that I learn in each class, each day, each unit, each assignment, and that within this the stress that I am placing on myself is irrelevant to myself in/as the ability to apply myself here in breath with the material that I am learning at the moment and that in this I am able to give myself that which I would like to receive meaning I am able to give myself the time and effort to go over the material and apply the material day to day to give and put in the effort for myself in order to receive the marks that I need to apply to the university programs that I am applying to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting the grades that I need to apply to the university programs that I will be applying to, fearing the possibility of fucking up at some point within the course - fearing learning information that I do not immediately grasp and am able to apply on/in a test - in this stating that I am not here in control of myself in/as my application on the test, and that I am subject to forces `beyond` myself in regards my application of myself on the tests/information and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself here in awareness of myself in tests by allowing fear to direct me within a test and within school - not giving myself myself in awareness here in breath to direct myself throughout the material and throughout/within any test that I have because of allowing the fear to overrun myself in the ability to apply and give myself the effort to receive the marks that I need in the courses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from/as creating myself and supporting myself in tests and in courses by allowing the fear of possible failure to direct me throughout the material - and in this I realize that the fear is irrational and irrelevant to myself here in breath because there is no point for myself to continue to allow this fear to run me and affect me in school, because I am able to direct myself through the material to a point of grasping it entirely, I am able to sit here with myself and support myself in/as walking through the material in the time that I have to study each day and give myself the best opportunity to do well on tests and apply the information, thus it is all within my power of how well or not I will do on a test and not a point of separation of myself in/as my ability to apply myself on a test and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally waste time as I allow myself to fear myself in the ability to receive the grades that I need to apply to university instead of using that time to assist and support myself through walking the material in understanding and the ability to effective apply and not only parrot the material that I am/will be learning throughout the courses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit here in fear within the image and holographic projection of not getting a grade that I need on a test or in the entirety of the course itself allowing myself to sit in fear as I allow myself to mull over the possibilities and considerations of not receiving the grades I need - planning for the future in regards to not receiving the grades I need instead of simply walking that process when it is here in the physical and thus within the mean time walk myself here in the process of applying and understanding the material that is being taught to me in the course that I am taking - taking the learning and application process of myself in school breath by breath - stopping the ideas and beliefs and fear of what the future may hold if I end up not receiving the grade that I need - in this doing what is necessary in each breath as I walk the education system breath by breath and not in a point of projection into the future with fear and a what if

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the simplicity of applying myself in school breath by breath by allowing the fear to complicate things and accentuate the worst possibilities that exist within the mind by allowing myself to give attention to and consider the possibilities within the fear of not receiving the grades that I need, instead of simply walking that point if it comes, and doing what is best for myself accordingly in the meantime in regards to my application of myself in/as the education system and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of myself in/as who I was within the education system when I was attending high school and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here with myself now within the capacity that I have shown myself exists within/as me in regards to education and learning the material in a course

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my ability to apply myself in school due to the memory of who I was during high school - not realizing that who I was in high school in regards to the material that I was learning in each course was absolutely lacking in any care of application of myself in the education system and that essentially I had no care of point of want to apply myself in school so I deliberately allowed myself to `squeak` by with the bare minimum requirements of myself and that this memory of myself is absolutely useless and irrelevant to myself in application of myself in the education system today

I commit myself to when/as I am in the point of fearing myself in the education system and fearing myself in the ability to receive the marks that I need to apply for the university programs I am considering to stop myself in that moment by utilizing breath and bring the fear here in me and let it go in that breath - placing myself here in breath with what is in front of me and re-directing myself to participate within the physical with that which is in front of me and that which is relevant in the breath that I take and through letting go of the fear give myself the effort to study the material and walk through the material in a point of ability to apply it within a question and apply it in/as living - in this realizing that the fear is absolutely irrational and irrelevant to how I am able to walk the material in the courses and in that realization simply stop allowing myself to fear and stress myself out about the marks that I need to get and give myself to effort to receive those marks

I commit myself to in this moment let go of the memory of who I was in high school and even elementary school of my lack of application of myself within the education system - not allowing that memory to influence me any longer within the belief of who I am in relation to the education system and the process of learning and application of material

I commit myself to stop allowing myself to react in fear to the marks that I need to get and to simply do what is necessary by me in order to put in the effort that I would like to receive from the course - giving myself the time to study effectively and walk through the material to a point of understanding and ability to apply the material on a test or in any question

I commit myself to stop stressing myself out about the marks that I need to get in school at the moment and allow myself to slow myself down in breath - being here with myself in breath - breath by breath - in this stopping the projection into the fear and what if I do not get the grades I need - because that is not real - it is not here and an irrelevant point to what is here now within the breath that I breathe here in each breath - thus I commit myself to unconditionally letting go of the fear and stress of myself in my ability to apply myself in school and accordingly give myself the opportunity to walk the material to a point of understanding

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