Sunday, November 25, 2012
Day 226 - Diabetes and Suicide Part 2
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider, think about, even attempt suicide when I find that my life will be limited because of the manifestation of diabetes within me, wherein I feel that the life that I am able to lead with living with diabetes is going to suck and I am not going to be able to give myself the life that I would like to lead and thus find no point in living any longer because I am not able to have that which I would like for myself - in this giving up all responsibility for myself in this world in regards to diabetes through considering the point of suicide - instead of responding appropriately to the system that is here that we live within that limits the ability of life to be lived by as walking through the points of limitation to allow myself to get myself to a point within this system where the limitations that I walk within are not completely debilitating in giving myself the ability to appropriately respond to the absolute atrocities that exist within the management and monitoring of life in this system - such as the point of having to pay for medications to live and the limitation that money places on those that have to pay for medications without a benefit program and thus extensively reduce the quality of life able to be lived due to the limitation of money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider, allow the thought about killing myself because the life that I will have to lead living with diabetes is going to be too difficult for me to give myself a life of dignity and too difficult for me to live absolutely responsible for myself in the limitations imposed on myself due to the manifestation of diabetes within myself - not considering the absolute abdication of responsibility for myself in this world nor the responsibility that I am able to live within the manifestation of diabetes in this world - abdicating the response ability to myself within diabetes to learn about myself in diabetes to learn about the dis-ease that is diabetes and walk through the dis-ease to give the opportunity for ease of monitoring and taking care of myself in diabetes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to kill myself or end my life because I fear that the responsibility that I must live within is too difficult for me to effectively manage myself within which gives me no opportunity to properly investigate and understand myself nor stand equal with myself in all dimensions of myself within diabetes nor gives myself the ability to live responsibly, to live within a point of limitation with responsibility for myself within the limitations responding appropriately to the limitations that are imposed on myself through living with diabetes such as the limitation of a lack of benefits or insurance plan to assist in paying for the medications needed in order for me to live - in which responding appropriately is changing the system that is here into a system that supports life unconditionally such as within the Equal Money System so that no other in this world will ever experience or have to live within a undignified life due to the limitation of money in relation to being able to pay or receive the medication needed to live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that suicide is an absolute abdication of responsibility and offers no solution to the limitations and abuses that are within this current system because I only end myself - I do not end the limitations nor abuses in this system and thus I effectively become worthless to life because I gave life nothing and only took my life, I gave myself no opportunity to walk through the limitations and stop the limitations from ever again existing in this world through giving myself the Response Ability to respond to the limitations on life that are existent within this current system that we accept and allow each day that we spend money each moment that we breath and fail to consider what we are living within/as thus allowing myself to continue to accept this system by not living responsibility for what this system has become and existed as due to our acceptance and participation within it and stand as a point in this world in which I no longer accept the limitations within myself nor within the system in abdication of responsibility thus allowing myself to give myself the point of responsibility for myself in/as the limitations and the limitations themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that suicide is an answer to myself living with diabetes, believe that killing myself because of the limitations experienced within this system within walking this life with diabetes will solve the problems of the limitations and abuses that diabetics face in this world will solve the issues that I face, solve the emotions, the frustration, the anger, the disgust that I see when I am limited by/as this system - not realizing that if I were to commit suicide or end my life within diabetes it is only a selfish act and I will give nothing to life in relation to allowing life to live without these limitations within the current monetary system that we live within
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider ending life as a solution to the responsibility needed to be existent within me to properly take care of myself in diabetes, essentially giving up in that one moment of consideration because I accept and allow myself within the want and desire to give up and end it all within the consideration of ending my life not allowing myself to stand in the point of responsibility for myself in the limitation and do what is best for myself in that limitation and walk the point of limitation within money or work or jobs or benefits - whatever it may be, to a point responding to the limitation within giving myself the responsibility to stop the limitation and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how imperative it is to stand within a group to stop these limitations because if I and all diabetics decide to believe that we alone are facing these limitations and stand within separation between ourselves within the design of divide and conquer then we will never give ourselves the opportunity to stand in responsibility and respond appropriately to the limitations within benefits or insurance programs that are limited in availability to diabetics simply because we are diabetic and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that the consideration of suicide due to the limitations within this system is only a selfish act and I only consider myself in the act - and give myself no opportunity to stand within a group that live within responsibility for this system and in responsibility respond appropriately to the abuses that exist within this system that are the insurance programs and benefit programs that diabetics need to live a dignified life in this world and that which limit what we are able to do in this world because we will always be limited by jobs and the money needed in order for us to provide ourselves the medications and tools we need to properly monitor ourselves within diabetes and that this limitation is absolutely unacceptable and provides no point of living life within the definition of dignity
I commit myself to when/as a point of limitation comes up in my reality and I become frustrated and angry at myself within the limitation that exists to stop any and all considerations and points of suicide or ending it all and give myself the responsibility needed to walk through within/as the limitation to support myself in doing that which is best for myself within the limitation - using the point of anger within the limitation for what has been accepted by myself and us all within this system to walk the point of responsibility within the limitation to support what is best for myself and all within the limitation and walk a process to stop the limitation by/as giving myself the ability to respond within the limitation
I commit myself to stop accepting the thought process about suicide and ending my life or ending life itself as a response to limitations imposed within this system for diabetics and accordingly give myself the responsibility to walk through/within/as the limitations - changing the point of abdication of responsibility through considering suicide to giving myself responsibility in walking through/within/as the limitation to support that which is best for all within the limitation
I commit myself to when/as I have to deal or walk within a limitation to not allow myself to become depressed or despondent about the limitation and to respond appropriately to the limitation by/as giving myself the responsibility to walk within the limitation into/as a point that is best for all - such as walking within the limitation of insurance companies and benefit programs to give myself the opportunity and responsibility to get to a point within this system in which I am able to respond appropriately such as the support financially for the Equal Money System in which insurance become irrelevant because life is valued and not monetary profit from life
I commit myself to showing the limitations and the abuses that diabetics will endure and the responsibility needed unto diabetics to effectively walk this system in support of that which is best for life within the limitation of diabetes showing how to walk effectively in support of ourselves within diabetes and showing how to live within the point of responsibility for the limitations that are here within this current system that live within and showing how we, ourselves, accept the limitations and thus within this I commit myself to bringing myself to a point of absolute responsibility for myself within diabetes and diabetes itself to get myself to a point where I am able to give responsibility to others equally as I have given it to myself, thus I commit myself to stop fucking around within the point of diabetes, shown to me by my want and desire to end it all because I live with diabetes, and stop fucking around by/as giving myself the responsibility to walk the limitations within this system, walking them into/as a point of best for all life within this system and thus I commit myself to walking with others in this point of responsibility because I alone am not able to take responsibility for what we ALL accept and allow.