Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Day 228 - Time, Pressure, Stress and Diabetes Part 5
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when we are stressed we will access the flight or fight response which has been hardwired into our brains from the primitive days to either fight off predators or to run away from predators or ensuing danger, wherein all that we see in that one moment is fear, all that we are in that one moment in accessing the flight or fight response is fear and that when we are in this mode the body will starve organs in the body of sugar and take that sugar and place it into the muscles where it will be needed when fighting or running away from ensuing danger and thus within being a diabetic this is not necessarily beneficial to the body because it causes hyperglycemia and a constriction of blood flow to vital organs within the body and that within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, within capitalism and the necessity to survive off of money, we are in a constant state of fight or flight because each day in the week we will fight for the ability to survive within making money and doing a job, thus meaning that this system of money and how we've accepted ourselves to live is absolutely detrimental to the body due to the constant stress that we are placing ourselves within due to the acceptance and allowance of/as how money is circulated, obtained, and used.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when walking this system in/as how I am living at this moment in regards to school, work, blogging, and walking points of responsibility I am putting a lot of stress on myself and am consistently living within the flight or fight response towards all points of responsibility of myself in this world because I have accepted and allowed a relationship to exist in regards to responsibility wherein I place myself under/within this point of stress to access this fear in which I believe is the best way to walk responsibility because of the quick natured pace that one exists within/as this fear within fight or flight, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of fear in which I believe is `best` for myself within living a point of responsibility - using up a lot of energy and literally consuming the physical at an extensive rate because of the relationship between energy consumption and the physical flesh wherein energy is created by/as consuming the physical flesh such as the same in regards to our energy production within/as the entire globe - we consume the resources to provide ourselves energy in which we damage and essentially kill ourselves in the pursuit of.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the damage that I am doing to my body as a diabetic as I allow myself to stress myself out over the amount of responsibility that I must walk - not realizing that this `amount` is only ever created within an illusion that is based in the mind in projections and accumulations of ideas of what I must do - because all that is here is myself here in one breath at a time - I have not lived any other breaths, and all past breaths are gone, and thus the physical breath shows that all points of stress are only ever created within the mind, created within an illusory system of beliefs and ideas, because all that I can do is all that I can do within a single breath here with myself in the physical reality - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do innumerable damage to my body by allowing myself to stress myself out by thinking about all the things that I have to do within time, and simply not direct myself here in each breath - in giving myself awareness of myself here in each breath - breath by breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do innumerable damage to my body especially as a diabetic because of the relationship that I have developed with the body in regards to the maintaining and taking care of the body, by allowing myself to stress myself out by thinking about all that which I need to complete or get done on `time`, and by not allowing myself to direct myself here breath by breath with the physical in what is literally HERE within one moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate thoughts about responsibilities and backchats about when/how I will complete or do the responsibility, and through the accumulation of thoughts - place a pressure on the body as I react in fear through the fight or flight response, wherein I allow the body, in accepting the flight or fight response, to starve key organs within the body from the nutrients of/as glucose that it needs, and further place pressure on the body by raising the sugar levels within the blood without the proper insulin, because my pancreas does not produce insulin in order to effectively support itself within the flight or fight response when the sugar is released and placed into muscles creating a pressure on the body, the entirety of the body due to raised blood sugar levels, and that in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how imperative it is to stop all points of created stress within myself in each and every breath that I take as a diabetic, and how imperative it is to understand myself in how I accept and allow myself to create the stress within myself with thoughts, fears, emotions, and feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living within the point of responsibility, and even associated the point of responsibility to the point of fear to the extent where in each point of responsibility that I give myself in this world I react immediately with fear, such as with work, such as with school, such as with money, such as with monitoring diabetes, causing myself to want to run away from all points of responsibility because I would rather not experience this point of stress within myself - meaning that I would rather run away then `fight` the responsibility - and that within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the solution within the flight or fight response that I have been living within is standing equal to myself in/as giving and living myself in each breath the point of responsibility wherein I do not separate myself from/as living the point of responsibility through fearing it, but simply standing equal to myself in/as responsibility -in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less than responsibility - I am inFEARior to responsibility because who I've accepted and allowed myself to become within the past is a being who abdicates, at all opportunities, any point of responsibility for myself, and that in this I've been living within the memory of whom I believe myself to be in regards to responsibility = always in fear of having to walk responsibility, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the memory of myself when I was younger whom allowed myself to not live within any point of responsibility - because I have clearly shown myself within that which I am walking in this world that I am living the points of responsibility for myself in this world - thus I here let go of the memory of who I believed I was in regards to living within the point of responsibility and stick with myself here in breath within continuing to live within the point of responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of myself within the body when/as I am in flight or fight response, understanding what the body is doing, understanding what I do within the body within physical movements such as picking skin on my body or shifting weight from one foot to the other, or being tense and wide eyed etc and when/as these points come up, stand equal to them within doing what is best for myself which is stopping myself within them and exercising self control in living that which is best for myself as life by/as stopping myself from participating in/as those physical movements that signify I am in the flight or fight response
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I am in the flight or fight response I am absolutely tense within my body and that this tension within the body can lead to hypertension because as I am within the point of fear within the flight or fight response and holding my body stiff and tense I am stifling the blood flow within the body and causing the blood pressure to increase in specific areas within the body and that I create all of these things by a thought about the things that I have to do and a perception of those things are being too much for me in which I believe I am infearior to those things and consequently access the fear as I walk them causing the hypertension, causing the spike in blood sugar, instead of standing equal to myself and stopping myself from participating in those thoughts…and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself absolutely tense as I walk process in/as a point of the need and want to control myself - not realizing that I am only in a reaction of fear to the responsibility for myself within process and the want within the mind to control myself absolutely in one breath to not continue to participate in the atrocities that I've seen I am responsible for and have begun to fear myself living within/as
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to response ability within the ability to respond within the fight or flight response and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not redefine the word of response ability for myself in the context of equality and oneness wherein the ability to respond in standing equal and one with self in all moment here within breath wherein in breath I give myself the wherewithall to respond in/as equality and not within the limited vision and perception that exists within the fight or flight response wherein I only allow myself to see fear instead of all points within/as the responsibility and give myself the ability to respond in/as equality and oneness and not fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access the flight or fight response throughout process wherein I've been living in an illusion of responsibility because I have only allowed myself to run away from responsibility when/as I approach it or I've allowed myself to fight with myself in the mind wherein I make myself extensively stiff and upright in an attempt to control myself within the mind within the illusion of responsibility for myself in the mind - in this not living a solution because fighting and running away are not solutions to myself in the mind because in running away I simply to do give myself responsibility for myself in the mind and through fighting I create a massive conflict within myself in the mind through creating a mass amount of friction between the mind and myself within the attempt to stop all the commotion within the mind through/as being stiff and continuously reacting in fear to all that comes up within the mind and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I am looking at all the shit that exists within the mind and it seems `overwhelming` due to the accepted thoughts about how much there is within the mind - that the answer has always been breath, the answer has always walking what is here in each breath that I am here, and the answer has been standing equal to myself within the mind - not within the fight or flight response which is essentially fear, but equality with myself in not attempting to control myself within fear but allowing myself to walk with myself here in breath - breath by breath - with what is here is each breath
I commit myself to when/as I am in the flight or fight response, in fear of myself within responsibility, to stop myself in the accumulation of thoughts of all the ideas and beliefs and perception of amount of that which I have to walk with myself in this life, within the mind, and take a deep breath and place myself back here in the physical with myself in the body, letting go unconditionally of all that I am thinking about in regards to responsibility and time and pressure and stress and simply walk what is here breath by breath, literally here in breath
I commit myself to realizing that who I was in regards to living within responsibility is no longer relevant to who I am within this life in regards to responsibility and thus I commit myself to stop reacting in fear of responsibility, stop accessing the flight or fight response when approaching a point of responsibility, and stop allowing the perception of responsibility being `dangerous` to exist within/as me, in this walk any and all points of responsibility within myself breath by breath within what is here in immediacy - meaning stop attempting to plan out and control myself within the mind as I walk points of responsibility but be here and walk that which I can walk in each breath
I commit myself to giving myself the awareness needed when/as I am in the fight or flight response to be here with myself in the body and calm myself down, and stop the accumulation of thoughts, and bring myself back here in breath and walk that which is here in each breath - meaning if I am literally walking down the street to be here with my feet, the ground, the air, the trees etc and not within the mind in thinking about all that I need to complete within a certain amount of time
I commit myself to doing what is best for me as a diabetic through standing equal to the flight or fight response in an absolute understanding of how I create it within myself, and in this understanding - stand equal in doing what is best for myself in/as the fight or flight response within a point of responsibility by/as giving myself self control of myself within the mind, but not fighting or running away from that which exists within the mind but stand equal to it in living what is best for myself in the mind which is a stopping of myself in the rampant rate of thoughts that I create when/as I am stressed, and in this to stop fighting with myself in the mind in the attempts to control myself in the mind but to stand equal in doing what is best for life as myself here in the physical in relation to the process within the mind