Monday, December 3, 2012
Day 232 - Love and Dis-Pair
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the want for love within a relationship is useless in regards to how this world functions and how this system must be walked by each individual human being, because take a look within movies and how love is portrayed and how when love exists within a movie or that feeling is generated in self there is no consideration of what must practically physically be walked on this Earth - there is no point of money, no point of responsibility, no point of doing what is best for all - when love is portrayed the only thing that exists in that moment is the feeling of love and not all of the other dynamics that exist in this physical reality nor within the world system and thus is absolutely irrelevant to what must be walked by each individual human being on this Earth in regards to responsibility and the systems that exist in this world, such as within the money system, within the religious system, within the education system = love is absolutely irrelevant to each and every system that exists - even within the relationship system because when/as in a relationship the biggest point that two individuals will face with each other is the money system and when/as love is portrayed within movies there is never talk about money and how to practically walk and support one another within money - it is absolutely ignored
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is the largest fear of the responsibilities that exist between each human on this Earth - because when love exists and when one focuses on love no other consideration of what physically practically must be done by an individual and is more or less ignored as one approaches love within/as a relationship and thus love is the fear of that which must be walked here in the world within all the systems that exist in this world and within the responsibilities that exist between/within each human on Earth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my lack of responsibility given unto myself as I want this feeling of love and a relationship is a clear indicator of what love actually is - wherein I ignore and move into a point of resistance and fear when approaching a point of responsibility and want the comfort and `lack of responsibility` that exists within the feeling of love which is only the fear that I am feeling in regards to giving myself and walking the point of responsibility for myself in this world within correcting myself to living that which is best for all and myself - and thus what I've shown myself within/as the feeling of love is that I do not do what is best for myself when I am wanting love because I ignore and fear moving within any point of responsibility and hold off on all points of responsibility to maintain and manage the feeling of love within myself and thus love within/as me and my relationship to love is clearly not what is best for me nor myself because as I abdicate responsibility for myself within diabetes when I am holding onto and wanting the feeling of love I am thus abdicating responsibility for myself as all other diabetics in this world and consequently sabotage myself in walking the point of responsibility for myself in diabetes and thus cannot expect or assist anyone else in walking the point of responsibility for themselves within diabetes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as the want for love is within me I am only fearing taking responsibility for myself and doing that which is necessary for myself to live within responsibility - such as investigating and forgiving myself within thought - working with myself in/as the education system and giving myself the best support within/as walking that system - taking proper care of myself in diabetes through testing at the appropriate times, and keeping a strict routine to not mess around with myself in diabetes nor compromise my health within diabetes - thus love has become a point of ignorance of what I must walk within this world, it has become a point of ignoring the responsibility that I hold to myself as life and it is a absolute disregard for life within the macro because I've only considered myself within/as the point of love and never the entirety of this world and the relationships within this world and the destruction of life that exists within this world - I've only considered myself and my own wants and abdicate and ignore and fear that which really exists in this world and the absolute shit that each of us has manifested within ourselves and within the world equal and one - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the audacity to even consider the notion of love, move within the want for love wherein I ignore life and myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I want love or desire to have love within/as a relationship that I am avoiding and ignoring pertinent points in myself pertaining to process and thus I am doing myself as life no justice in allowing myself to move on the want for the feeling of love and am only fearing myself within working and investigating myself, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the feeling of love as a red flag point within to me to investigate that which I am avoiding looking at within myself which I see will usually that thing that I am ignoring when/as in the point of love - so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the feeling of love immediately and prevent myself from creating any consequences that are not best for all and move on the point that I am resisting in my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the want for love and the relationship within myself created towards the feeling of love is a relationship of abuse wherein I do not look after myself as life and allow shit to crumble around me in my life as I want and move for love because within/as love there is a point of comfort -that everything will be alright - and when in love I do not step outside of that comfort to really take a look at myself in/as what I am accepting from myself in life but stay within a bubble that only exists between myself and the other in which I am creating the feeling of love and thus avoiding reality itself, because as one takes a direct look at reality we will see that we have created a storm of shit wherein responsibility from each and every human being on this earth, or 70-80% of humans is needed to make an effective effort at correcting what we have done to this earth and ourselves equally - thus making love an infinitesimally irrelevant feeling to that what must be done by ourselves to correct and only making love a point of further accepted and allowed abuse within fear of looking at this world and living responsibility for that which I've allowed within myself equal and one
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear generated within looking at myself and being alone with myself - being intimate with myself in/as the understanding of how I work and looking at the thoughts within myself creates the feeling of love wherein I look for another being in this world to `comfort` myself in the feeling of/as love - that everything will be alright - that I myself am alright when I am clearly not alright because as I look at thoughts and what I accept and allow from myself when in the point of love I am abusive to myself and life itself respectively
I commit myself to stopping the want for love within me and when/as it comes up within me or the desire to feel love within a relationship to look at that which I am avoiding facing within myself and to immediately look at that point and take it on through writing it out and making sure that I direct myself within the point that I am fearing and resisting within what is best for all within the point
I commit myself to when/as love comes up within me to clearly see the abuse that exists in love and the fear that is within me when/as the feeling of love comes up and in seeing the fear take on the fear of being alone with myself and the fear of directing myself alone and simply walk away and breathe and stop the feeling of love and in this I commit myself to remain committed and stable within the stopping of love within myself and to never look back on any experiences of love and if I do to breathe in that moment, stop, bring myself back here and direct myself alone within the responsibilities that I have unto myself and simply walk away from love infinitely and forever more
I commit myself to here to forever more not move on the feeling of love but assess a potential partner within practicality of what I am still accepting and allowing within myself and what the other accepts and allows within themselves and see if I myself am stable enough within my application alone to walk with another within this world and continue to remain self directive within the responsibilities that I've given to myself and thus I see at this point in time that I am not and so thus I commit myself to continue to walk alone regardless of any being that comes into my life and continue to direct myself alone for the time being - until I, in absolute awareness am stable with my ability to direct myself alone within the responsibilities that I have given to myself
I commit myself to when/if a point of love comes up within myself to walk away from it within a breath, bring myself back here and direct myself here alone and to in this face this fear that has been within me for quite some time of being alone by continuing to direct myself alone and to in this be comfortable with myself alone forever more wherein each moment I breathe I know who I am and what I stand for and walk within and thus am completely comfortable with myself here in the physical and within the mental wherein I am comfortable and trusting in myself to not accept and allow thoughts to misdirect myself in this life within what I will walk and stand stable when/as a thought of love or desire for a relationship comes up - not moving on energy but what is practically here within myself and the other.