Thursday, December 6, 2012
Day 237 - Application on Tests
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complete a test and when/as I see that I am unsure of answers, play the role of ignorance within it and hand it in anyway, not wanting to face that I've made a mistake by double checking my answers and going through my answers on the test to make sure that I have in fact walked myself through the questions properly and have answered to the best of my understanding of the question - in this giving myself the time and effort to effectively apply myself within a test and within the material that I have learnt in which I must apply on a test, and thusly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use up the entire time that I have for a test to go through my answers, to best use the time given effectively to walk myself through my answers and my thought patterns while I was writing the test to see if/where I made a mistake in calculating the answers or understanding what the question is asking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've allowed myself to hinder my studies by believing that I know what is on the test and that I know what I will need to do for a test wherein I accordingly do not study the material nor accordingly make the practical effort in writing myself out within the material within what I `know` and what I don't know` to see where I am able to further apply myself within the material until I get to an effective substantial understanding of the material and can thus accordingly answer a question on a test within the understanding of the material
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've sabotaged myself within the past few tests because I have not sat down with myself in the time at home and walked myself through the material but have only relied on the few examples that have been taught in class wherein I systematically write down what the teacher has written and do not do it for myself which leads me to sabotage myself when writing tests because I have not physically walked myself through a question pertaining to the material that is on a test and have not effectively understood myself within the application of the material and thus cannot assist and support myself within learning the material because I've not taken the time at home to walk myself through the material by doing homework and working on the questions for myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that these past two tests are showing me that I am not putting in the effort and time into the material in which I would life to receive from myself - and that I am only existing on hope and faith that somehow I will be able to manage to achieve the grade that I need without any application of myself within homework or learning the material on my own and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact ignore myself in my ability to apply myself within the education system wherein I must walk myself through the material for quite a bit until I get to an effective understanding of the material itself - ignoring myself in this because that is how I learn material and by/as not giving MYSELF the time at home to walk material within questions, I am accordingly ignoring myself in/as my ability to learn which I see lead to the ignorance of myself in/as looking over the questions and double checking my answers on the past 2 tests wherein I pleaded ignorance to getting any questions wrong or improperly understanding the questions and handed in the test without effectively looking over my answers
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking over my answers and double checking my answers to see if I've made a mistake anywhere due to the fear of seeing that I've made a mistake which I realize within typing this out is an absolutely irrational fear because within that fear I accordingly lead myself to getting wrong answers by/as not checking over my answers and being quite dumb in allowing that fear to run me when/as I saw that as I handed in the test I was still left quite uncertain of myself in the answers that I provided on the test.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of self interest by allowing myself to study the material while I am at home, fear letting go of the time that I have to entertain myself, wherein accordingly I do not walk in equality with myself but only ever within fear - whereas walking in equality with myself would be within the understanding of myself in/as how I learn material by doing it on my own and walking myself through questions on my own to sit down with myself and walk myself through questions pertaining to the material that are on the test(s) and getting myself to an effective understanding of the material of what is on the test(s) and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist walking in equality with myself due to the want to walk within self interest within the mind wherein I allow myself to entertain myself instead of working with myself in the material within the course that I am taking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk within ignorance of myself within who I am within understanding material and how I understand material by allowing myself to walk within self interest within entertaining myself and distracting myself with thoughts pertaining to self interest instead of within the understanding of myself in/as how I learn material walk with myself in equality within the mind to be able to give myself the ability and effort needed for myself to effectively understand the material to a degree in which I am able to effectively apply myself on tests and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misalign myself to walking myself within the education system effectively by believing that I know enough of the material and that the tests are easy enough for me to receive a high grade without putting the effort into myself to understand the material - allowing myself to misalign myself to walking the entirety of myself within the path that I am walking through the education system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to stand equal and one with the mind in the application of myself within the education system by/as understanding myself within the mind in/as how I learn and stand equal and one to it by putting in the effort to get to know the material and myself within learning but I've abdicated that point of responsibility in the past few weeks which is shown within the test marks that I have got on the past 2 tests because I've reacted in fear towards myself in the mind and how I understand the material and have accordingly moved within self interest within entertaining myself instead of working with myself in equality by walking myself through the material that I am learning and thus have accordingly not lived or given myself the opportunity to effectively stand equal with myself in the mind within the application of learning by/as walking myself physically through the material and questions provided that pertain to the material.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to myself in/as the mind nor the mind itself by abdicating the responsibility of myself in the mind in/as how I learn by reacting in fear of sitting with myself and giving myself the effort to understand the material within the understanding of how I learn and thus abdicated the point of equality with myself in the mind in/as the dimension of how I learn by deciding to walk within self interest instead of equality within the understanding of how I learn and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I am able to understand myself in/as how I learn I am able to walk with myself in my learning capabilities to support myself within walking that which is best for me as life through standing equal with myself by applying myself within effort to learn the material and I am able to thus accordingly, walk the education system more effectively to get myself to the point wherein I am heading within walking the education system - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander the opportunity to stand equal and one with the mind within the dimension of/as learning in the past weeks by allowing myself to react in fear of myself in/as how I learn and walk within the religion of self wherein I put faith and hope within myself that I will be able to do well on tests, which only leads me to be delusional about myself in my ability to learn and apply myself in material
I commit myself to when/as I get home from school and since I've changed the structure of my sleeping time to sit down with myself after I've written this blog and walk myself through the material that I've just learnt and understand where I am having difficulty within understanding the material and walk with myself in application of myself within questions to get myself to an effective understanding of how to do the questions and what to look for when being asked a question about the material and thus I commit myself to daily do homework and daily study the material so that I keep the mind fresh with the material and do not abdicate the responsibility that I have to myself within the mind within/as the understanding of/as how I learn material
I commit myself to when/as I react in fear of going through material and walking questions related to the material because I fear seeing how much I do not know - to understand that the fear is there because I am aware that I do not know much about the material and stand equal to myself in the awareness of not know much of the material and walk myself through questions pertaining to the material and stand equal to myself in the mind to get myself to a point of understanding the material
I commit myself to when/as I am within the belief and faith and hope of myself down well or have done well on a test to remove that belief and clearly assess what I know and what I don't know by writing myself on, scripting myself, within the understanding that I have of the material to clearly see, in the physical, whether or not I know how to approach the questions appropriately and effectively
I commit myself to, in the realization of standing equal and one to myself in the mind within the dimension of learning, to apply this realization to all other aspects of my life and walk myself within equality within the mind to walk the systems of self interest in which I sabotage myself within to that which is best for me as life within creating a dignified life for myself