Sunday, December 9, 2012
Day 240 - 21 Days of Self Application - Sunday
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Sunday as the day of rest wherein I allow myself to not do anything active and lounge around only doing what I feel like doing at a given moment - wherein I don’t allow myself to apply myself within walking responsibility for the tasks that I can do within a Sunday - and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lounge around on Sundays just because it is a Sunday - wherein I give into the illusion of the days of the weeks and what they mean or what/how one is supposed to be on each day of the week - giving into the illusion created by man that has become time - because Sunday is another day - it is not Sunday within the definition of/as Sunday - it is a day where the body still breathes, where the body still goes through its metabolic process, where the body and all life itself still lives - still a day where crime, conflict, murder, rape, starvation still exist despite it being a `Sunday`.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and unmotivated on a Sunday because I have an abundance of time on Sundays in which I can put in the minimal effort possible and still get done what I need to get done within the daily tasks that I can complete - not allowing myself to put in equal effort into/as walking the tasks that I can do, such as homework, DIP assignments, and keeping the routine that I have during the weeks to support myself in diabetes and not become lazy within diabetes - and in this not allowing myself to direct myself in life but to always move from the point of reaction in fear within the things that I `have` to do within a day - in this allowing the point of rest in a Sunday to become based on fear of the things that I have to do and resistance to working on that which I have to do - not walking in/as the point of self will in/as application of myself here in the physical in the ability that I can move myself in this world with effectiveness in that which I can do by making the decision within myself to stand one and equal to that which I can do and walk it here in the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rest on Sundays out of the fear of the things that I have to do during the week or even within the day - wherein the point of rest has become a point of resistance to facing what I have to do within the day or within the week or within the time available on a Sunday - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself within points of responsibility that I have within life, points that do not periodically end just because it is a specific day of the week and push through the resistance to applying myself within the activities/tasks that I can apply myself within
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing anything practical or supportive on a Sunday because I have an abundance of time in which I can utilize for self interest - not giving myself the equal support that I would like to receive in/as this world in birthing myself as life or creating myself within stability of myself here in breath in the physical because of the illusion of/as time within the labelling of the days of the weeks and the hours on a clock wherein I allow myself to resist and slack off on that which I can apply myself within immediately because it is a Sunday and I have an abundance of time - allowing myself to look at the time and equate how much time I have to `spare` because the point comes to me wherein I can no longer resist applying myself in the task/assignment/responsibility that I am resisting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately move on the ability of applying myself within something that I can do within the day that will support myself in the life that I am walking such as working on the DIP assignment in immediacy when/as I have the time to, or going through homework/material in immediacy when/as I have the time or doing something physically active during the day to support myself in/as diabetes - allowing myself to assist the body in the usage of insulin by exercising on the weekends to match the exercise or to come to a fraction of the exercise that I do during the week while working - but to allow myself to look at the clock and calculate how much time I have to waste and what I can do until the time comes to the 11th hour and I must apply myself in a point of rushing and haste to get done that which I need to get done within the daily responsibilities that I hold - not allowing myself to take hold of my life, lead and direct it as myself here in breath but constantly playing a catch up game that I am creating by allowing myself to resist applying myself in that which I am resisting which is essentially anything on a Sunday because I've allowed the relationship to Sundays to exist within laziness and lounging around while I wait for life to direct me within time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take lead in my life and walk in immediacy that which I can apply myself within the create a better life for myself and support myself in/as creating that better life in which I am able to support others in/as walking through the resistances in/as their mind to as well create a better life from them within the principle of real physical life - not a better life in the context of self-interest and greed - in this allowing myself to support myself in giving myself the ability to live within that which is best for all by/as moving myself through the resistances to applying myself in immediacy and taking lead of life and stop allowing myself to wait around in life for life to direct by/as reactions of fear/emotion/thought/feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in order to take lead in my life within giving myself the ability to effectively and properly direct myself in life without only reacting to that which is here - I must move myself through the resistances to applying myself in immediacy within the tasks that I have during the day and move myself in/as immediacy to make sure that I am not left waiting when the time comes when it is too late or close to being too late for me to apply myself in that which I am able to apply myself within - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I stand and wait for time to direct me I am only every going to react in fear to that which is here - allowing myself to constantly live within the fight or flight mode because I have not walked myself in immediacy within that which is here - meaning I react in a fight or flight mode to writing this blog when/as I've allowed myself to slack off on weekends, allowing myself to wait until the time has come wherein I have to apply myself in the blog instead of walking myself through writing the blog in immediacy within the time given on the weekends - wherein I take lead of myself in life and walk myself effectively through life by/as not allowing myself to react in a response of fear, and allow myself to be clearer within writing this blog or within doing homework or within directing anything, I mean it can be a simple point of directing myself in immediacy to eating some food - in this taking lead of myself in life and not only waiting for events and consequences to manifest before I take lead in my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by not responding in immediacy to what is brought to me within time or within events or within consequences - I am only waiting for life to direct me - I am waiting to become life - I am waiting to birth myself as life - I am waiting to live - I am waiting for consequence to manifest before I walk myself in life - and that this is not needed by me, because I am able to prevent any consequence from manifesting later in time by taking immediate directive lead of myself in life - walking myself in equality to that which is here - because as I resist and put off that which I can do within a given moment - all I am doing in that moment is reacting in fear to myself (inferiority) which is not standing equal and one with myself with that which is here as me or that which I am able to or need to direct myself within
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that waiting for consequence to manifest is not what is best for all - because we as humanity have been doing that this entire time the world collapses - the entire time we've been destroying the planet - the entire time the economy is collapsing - the entire time the oceans are becoming extinct - the entire time species among species are becoming extinct - we are waiting for the point in time where we MUST react to our manifested consequences and actions and must direct ourselves in that moment - in which, more often that not, the time is too late for any solution to be lived.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for consequence to manifest before I take action to live that which is best for all - before I decide to take responsibility for myself within that which I've allowed myself to participate in - essentially waiting for death to come knocking before I take a step back and look at my life - not realizing that when death comes to me, the time that I have to correct myself is far gone and I have lost that time forever - and no change is then possible ever, because I will be dead - unable to respond to that which is here because I will no longer be here - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off responsibilities onto the back burner within time - waiting for the time to come where consequence has manifested and I have to direct that which I've waited to direct and resisted directing and as well direct myself through the manifested consequence when/as the manifested consequence could have been easily avoided by me walking the point of immediacy within responsibility and not allowing myself to resist in fear that which clearly needs to be directed in immediacy or walked by me in immediacy in a given time and space
I commit myself to on the weekends move within immediacy to that which I am resisting, move within immediacy to walk myself within blogs, within homework, within the DIP assignments, within errands that I have to complete, within making proper food for myself, within immediately recording blood glucose readings and the foods that I eat and to when/as the point of resistance comes up to immediately in the moment decide to move through the resistance and apply myself practically within that which I am resisting in immediacy - and in the point of resistance I commit myself to not make the resistance more than what it really is - which is a simple insignificant resistance to literally moving a finger or taking a breath in which the physical is far more than what resistance is - I commit myself to not making the resistance more than what it is by looking at the time that I have within the day and calculating how much time I have to wait before I take lead of myself in the point that I am resisting and to not sit within the mind and become grouchy or apathetic to that which I am resisting or just plain `bitchy` about what I am resisting and in this give myself some dignity and integrity within the point of walking that which I can and need to walk within time within a day to best support myself as life in/as life
I commit myself to not wait for time to manifest consequence and stay ignorant to that which I am participating in but to walk the point of responsibility for that which is here and that which I am participating in externally and internally in immediacy wherein when/as a point comes up in a day that I, in that moment, have the ability to direct immediately - to do it immediately and not asses when/where or how I can have another time to direct it - and in this stop waiting for life to happen to me but to create myself in/as life and take lead of myself in/as life to be able to even start walking that which is best for myself in life - because I realize that I have not been living that which is best for me as life because I've waited for consequence to manifest before I even approach any point of responsibility or I wait until there is little to no time left to apply myself in that which I can apply myself within wherein I am hasty and not effective within/as my direction because I am reacting within fear - chasing myself in/as a point of inferiority instead of standing equal and one with myself in/as the point by/as directing it within immediacy
I commit myself to on Sundays and especially throughout the weekend itself - to use the time that I have because of the lack of school and the lack of work - to best support myself in catching up on whatever I need to direct - if catching up is a must - and to when/as I am caught up - to walk myself in equality to that which is here by/as taking immediate action when/as the time is available to direct anything that I can direct myself within that is within the principle of what is best for all and direct myself within that which I give myself dignity and integrity within.