Monday, December 10, 2012

Day 241 - 21 Days of Self Application - Monday


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on Mondays, consider the things that can only be done on weekdays, such as booking doctors appointments, scheduling other various appointments, making calls to businesses that are only open during the week, and put them off until another day within the week when/as I feel like I want to do them or until they build up to a point where I can no longer not direct them - waiting for time and fear to move me instead of moving myself in immediacy within making the calls, setting up the appointments, and working with myself in the time that I have during the week to make sure that I get these things done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have enough time to work on homework or to complete this blog or to do the dishes or do other responsibilities that I am able to do daily - and in this fear put off the things that I do not see as important in that moment such as making calls to doctors and setting up appointments or recording blood glucose readings immediately when I come home because of the way that I've structured my time within the week wherein I have about an hour to do that which I can do when I come home from school before I go to bed and when waking up all the businesses are closed for the day - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can restructure the time that I have when I come home to give myself more time awake when I come home so that I can practically move on setting up appointments and/or taking responsibility for making calls that I need to make in order to get things done and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by resisting and fearing changing my schedule so that I can give myself the time to come home and make the calls and appointments that I need to make and to as well work on homework that I have or to as well write this blog when I come home

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist changing my schedule to what is best for myself as life in the ability to practically and effectively walk the system within the structure of time that has been set up here - only allowing myself to sabotage myself by resisting making that change to sleep a bit later when I come home and a bit later into the evening when I wake up - in this not realizing or seeing that I will still get the same amount of sleep, the only thing that will change is giving myself the time to work with the system in/as the structure that is set up within time and the structure that I've set up for myself in time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this simple point of resistance to a small change has had a lot of effects on my life because I've turned down and purposely missed previous appointments to meet doctors because I didn't want to give up the time that I had after school to write the blog to go and meet with doctors at that time and have created unknown consequences by/as my resistance to change this small point in the structure that I have set up for myself - and I have not given myself the opportunity to stand equal within the structure of time within the system within the normal 9-5 schedule of most people/institutions by resisting making the change to my time of sleep to a bit later and waking up a bit later - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this resistance is the mind not wanting to let go of the pattern and structure that I have set up for myself in/as knowing what/where/when/how I will be doing what I will be doing so that the personalities are always constant and continuously able to be generated in the accepted and allowed patterns and habits that I live within and that within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through that resistance to making the changes to the time and schedule that I keep to be able to support myself in walking within the system in the time that is set up as `normality` and the time and schedule that I keep within myself working nights and going to school in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring myself to a point and belief that all these things that I have to direct are too overwhelming for me to approach and within this belief put things off for as long as I can so that I do not have to face nor direct myself in/as the overwhelmingness in which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that myself in/as putting off booking appointments and making the change to my schedule to accommodate the normal structure of time within a week is what is allowing myself to cause the feeling of overwhelmingness because I am allowing myself to not take the moment in time when I have the opportunity to direct that which I need to direct and direct it, but allow myself to put off for until a later time because I allow the belief that I cannot accommodate all that I need to accommodate in the time that I have within the schedule that I keep - allowing myself to make the excuse that `I don’t have enough time` which is only an abdication of responsibility for directing myself within the system and making the changes to myself to be able to practically and effectively support myself within/as walking this system in equality to what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am limiting myself in time by allowing myself to make the excuse that I do not have enough time to direct that which comes up within a moment and this limitation is shown to me by myself always looking at the clock assessing how much time I have to work with until the next point in time comes wherein I direct myself to another thing that I have planned on the schedule - limiting myself within the expression of myself in each breath by allowing myself to constantly and continuously look at the time and manage myself in/as life here in breath through time and not here with myself in breath as life standing in equality within the structure of time that we've created. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've been playing catch up all my life because I've lacked the dedication and self application to direct myself in immediacy to that which comes up within a moment - and I've been playing catch up because I've allowed myself to give into the resistance proposed by the mind, and that I have not given myself a gift by moving through the resistance each and every time that it comes up within the mind - giving myself the gift of being able to practically and effectively move myself through the structure of/as time by being responsible in the moment in immediacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to on Mondays or on Weekdays constantly try and fight myself in/as time wherein I allow myself to constantly look at the time and fear that I will not have enough time to get done that which I have/can get done within the time I've given myself within the structure that I've set up for myself wherein I allow myself to react in fear of the calculation of how much time I have before I get onto the net thing that I have set up within the structure of myself within time - and in this move always in the point of haste and fear - the flight or fight system - which I cause myself to place a tremendous amount of stress on myself each time that I look at the clock or direct myself in the next task that I have set up within the structure that I've set up for myself in/as time and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practically use time in/as seeing what/how I can get done when I can get it done thus when looking at the clock - not reacting in fear to the numbers that time represents but clearly assessing what I am able to do, and if I cannot do something that I have planned to do - to unconditionally let it go and be here with myself in breath

I commit myself to on Mondays when I come home from school - to make the calls that I need to make to set up appointments, and to not put off any messages or calls that I can make until another day but to direct myself within them in immediacy within the time that I've given myself to direct myself within them - in this I commit myself to not give into the resistance to changing the structure of what I have planned for myself and simply walk the change unconditionally - changing the time that I sleep - changing what I will direct myself within when/as I come home - instead of immediately coming downstairs and starting the blog and eating as quickly as I possibly can - to make any calls that I need to make and eat food at a pace that doesn't make me feel bloated after I ate - so that I can practically assist myself in the body to digest properly by having some self control within eating food and not only reacting in fear to the time that it takes to eat food

I commit myself to being aware of myself when I check the time and be aware of myself in the many times that I stare at the clock and or/check the time to see how much time I have left until I need to direct myself in the next activity/task that I've set up within the structure and habit of my daily living and to stop the fear of not having enough time, and to stop the fear of projection into/as not having enough time and to allow myself to become clear of the fear of time and give myself the ability to be here within myself in breath and awareness of myself in the task/activity that I am participating in.

I commit myself to not put off that which I can direct within a moment in the fear of having to restructure the structure that I've set up and become accustomed to in my daily living but to allow myself to accommodate anything into my life in which is best for myself as life in/as the structure of time and to in this give myself the gift of supporting myself in that which is best for myself by allowing myself to walk the point of change from the structure that I've set up into a different structure in which I can accommodate different points that support myself in/as life and support myself in/as walking myself effectively within the structure of the system

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