Thursday, December 13, 2012

Day 244 - 21 Days of Self Application - Resistance Part 3


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of lethargy, apathy, depression, and an unwillingness to move myself here in the physical due to my accepted and allowed resistance to working on a specific subject, task, activity, wherein I allow myself to mope around the house, and become lazy within sleeping too much, or watching tv for too long just to entertain myself, or play video games for an extended amount of time - when this state of lethargy, apathy, depression and the unwillingness to move myself is all created within the mind and only ever an illusion of my ability to move myself here in the physical, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself out of the state of lethargy, apathy etc, by moving myself here in the physical within the specific thing that I am resisting doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist applying myself in the physical because I've been frequently going hypoglycemic wherein the fatigue sets in due to the constant lack of glucose within the body, allowing myself to use diabetes as an excuse to not move myself here in the physical within the thing that I am resisting - allowing myself to sabotage myself within diabetes and within my ability to apply myself by allowing myself to excuse myself from doing anything because I am a diabetic and I have gone low too much - which I see is a complete point of abdication of responsibility for myself, because I am using diabetes as an excuse to not move myself here in the physical and as a justifier for my laziness - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself in my lack of responsibility for myself through the excuse of being diabetic, and the `struggles` that I face within diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse myself from participating effectively in the physical reality because I am hyperglycemic wherein I feel sluggish, pressured - due to the level of glucose within the body, and in this sluggishness and pressure allow myself to make the excuse that I should just wait it out until I allow myself to practically apply myself within the responsibilities that I have given myself, such as homework, DIP assignment, recording blood glucose readings, dishes, etc because I am hyperglycemic at the time - in this justifying my laziness because I am hyperglycemic and justify my unwillingness within the excuse that I should wait out being hyperglycemic before I effectively apply myself here in the physical reality within that which I am resisting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that using diabetes as an excuse is me saying that I am limited within my ability to effectively participate in the physical - accepting diabetes as a limitation within my application of myself here in the physical - not allowing myself to work with myself within diabetes in allowing myself to create myself in such a way that I take proper effective care of myself from becoming hypo or hyperglycemic to best be able to walk with myself in effective practical application of myself here in the physical in participating in the responsibilities that I have given myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the one limiting myself from participating here in the physical due to my acceptance and allowance of making the excuse of diabetes being a limitation of my ability to walk within the physical reality shown through the excuses and justification as to why I shouldn't do a specific thing because I am a diabetic and either hypo or hyperglycemic - in this accepting and allowing diabetes to be a limitation for me - in this I realize that there are physical aspects of diabetes that are limiting when/as I am hypoglycemic like my ability to move my body or retain and process information due to the lack of glucose within the body, but this in itself does not need to be an excuse to not participate in the physical reality within processing information or physical activity - it is a point within diabetes that I am able to stand equal and one to within the understanding of how to best support myself while hypoglycemic to allow myself to not make the excuse to not wholly participate in a physical activity or processing of information, but to best support myself when/as I am low while participating in a physical activity, or processing information within studies - in this allowing diabetes to not become wholly limiting within my participation here within the physical and giving myself trust to work with myself in diabetes to best support myself in/as the temporary limitations that are physically viable within being hypo or hyperglycemic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use diabetes as an excuse to not participate in the things that I resist, as I see diabetes as a point that I can utilize to get myself out of situations due to the accepted and allowed belief of non-diabetics about diabetes, allowing myself to abuse myself within diabetes because I am allowing myself to, when making excuses to not participate, abuse the point of diabetes to support myself in self-interest and not allowing myself to walk that which is best for all while living with diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my resistance towards working on a specific task/project because I am either hypo or hyperglycemic, justifying the point of diabetes being a limitation in my life instead of working with myself in diabetes in not allowing myself within diabetes to limit myself from participating in anything here in this physical reality or within my application of myself in/as the responsibilities that I have given myself

I commit myself to when/as I am low or high, to take the necessary precautions within eating food or injecting insulin to bring myself to `normal` levels of glucose within the body and if I am low, then yes give myself some patience within anything that I am walking at that point in time in order to give the body time to recuperate from the lack of nutrients and if I am high then inject insulin and drink water to relieve myself from the pressure and sluggish feeling of being high and in this I commit myself to when/as I am high to not allow that to be an excuse to not participate in anything because there is nothing absolutely physically limiting within myself that is able to prevent me from working with myself or applying myself here in the physical within any task or responsibility that I am able to participate in

I commit myself to when/as I am resisting working on a specific task/assignment/activity and I am hyperglycemic, to be aware of the excuses that I am making to not in immediacy walk the point of responsibility within the task/assignment/activity, and stop excusing myself and justifying why I should excuse myself from walking the point of responsibility in/as participating and apply myself effectively within the task/assignment/activity

I commit myself to not allow myself to purposely make diabetes become a limitation within what I will and will not be able to participate within this physical reality - by stopping myself from excusing myself from participation in that which I do not want to participate in because I am a diabetic, in this walking within the system of the limitation of/as diabetes to walk myself into a point that is best for me within this system in/as the purposed limitations of what is possible within/as diabetes

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