Monday, December 17, 2012
Day 248 - 21 Days of Self Application - Diabetes and Weekends
On this past weekend I was not active in the normal sense that I would be active during work within the week. At work I work 8 hours and lift boxes all day working with the body for 8 hours in physical exercise which can be quite strenuous at times. At this time I do not need much insulin at all to counterbalance the sugar produced from the digestion of the food that I consume during break, but this changes quite dramatically as I am on my days off.
This weekend I needed quite a lot of insulin just to maintain the sugar balance, let alone counterbalance the sugar intake that I was consuming - I needed, roughly, 200-300% more insulin than I would need for the same food and amount of carbohydrates that I would consume during the week, and in not being aware of this fact, nor considering the body in the lack of exercise that I give it on the weekends, the sugars were quite high over the weekend and I had quite some difficulty in bring them to where they `should` be. This is a point of lack of self application of myself in giving the body what it needs over the weekend, and lack of self application in/as food consumption during the weekends
There are 2 options that I am able to work with here. 1 being consume less food during the weekend and only eat that which I need and do not consume high amounts of complex carbohydrates, or 2 being go out and exercise during the weekend as well, exercise to a point that makes up a substantial equivalence to that which I put the body through as I work to be able to eat as much as I eat and not compromise the health of this body by maintaining a regularity within sugar levels. I enjoy exercising to a degree, like working with the body within the movements and enjoy sweating - and I would rather go out and do something than stay inside and calm the eating habits, so that is the option that I will walk within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to consider that the lack of exercise that I allow on the weekends is going to dramatically change my insulin requirements because there is not the addition of the physical activity in breaking down the sugars and using up the sugars, and that as I stay stagnant within sitting at the computer or doing the small physical tasks on the weekend that the body is not going to be able to effectively use up all of the sugars that I am consuming at the rate of the usage throughout the week while I work, and that in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise the health of the body by not allowing myself to take this into absolute consideration and work with it and stand equal to assistance and support of the body in digesting and metabolizing the sugars that I consume on the weekends by becoming physically active equal to that which I participate within on the weekday while at work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going to the gym, registering for a gym membership because it is another commitment that I must make unto myself and something that I must hold myself responsible to - not realizing that this point of responsibility is what is best for me to do for myself, and that within realizing and committing myself to live within the point of responsibility within that which is best for me, I am able to make the choice within myself to participate in going to the gym through my own self will to live that which is best for me as a diabetic, and it is not something that I will need to push or force myself to do, as I am able to stand equal to the walking through the resistance within making the decision to go get a gym membership to assist and support myself in diabetes on the weekends to regulate the sugars much easier
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going to the gym and working out in front of people because I think that I do not know how to work out, that I am a `beginner` at working out and that I should know how to work out by now because I am a `male` and in this fear being judged by other males whom are regulars at the gym and whom are stronger and more experienced within using the gym equipment, instead of standing equal and one to them as a person and not within the definition of being male and the experience of being male within the physical requirements of being male, and asking them questions about how to use the machines, asking them questions about specific workouts to assist and support specific parts of the body in strength training and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be open to asking questions and learning new information about how to support the body within the equipment provided at the gym and be open to new engagements with a `different` crowd of people whom I've never believed I've fitted in with, which are people who go to the gym and work out - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the people who work out on a regular basis and are committed to going to the gym, not realizing that these are people as well, we all walk the same system, we all walk on the same earth, and that there is nothing within life that separates me from them, it is only my acceptance and allowance of the definition of who they are and who I am in regards to them in which I am allowing the separation to limit me from unconditionally supporting myself in diabetes and supporting the body within diabetes by going to a gym on weekends and exercising to an equivalence of that which I do on the weekdays during work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by resisting going to a gym and working out in front of people, or around people as a more appropriate perception of the environment of the gym, I am sabotaging myself within diabetes and the support that I am able to provide myself by going to the gym and working out on the weekends in the season of winter, because I am not able to give myself the support that I was while it was summer within biking daily, and that in this the point of resistance is purposeless to go into and accept within myself as I realize that this point is of support for myself in/as my health within diabetes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive the gym as a place of objectification and judgement of each and every body based on the images and pictures associated in the media to what a good body looks like and what an attractive body looks like, and in this fear that I will not meet the definition of an attractive body and be ostracized from the community in this not seeing the real practical point of myself attending a gym, the practical point of I am going there to support myself in diabetes and work with the body in assistance and support of the usage, digestion, and metabolizing of the sugars that I ingest over the weekend, and not there to judge or to be gawked at by other, I am there for myself to assist and support myself as life - nothing else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view the gym as a place to judge and gawk at other physical bodies and judge whether or not the meet the quota/standards of an attractive physical body and in this fear whether or not I am seen in the similar light, instead of removing the point entirely and moving within the point of attending the gym in order to support myself within diabetes on the weekends to maintain a regularity of physical activity throughout all days of the week and to not compromise myself in the health of the body by staying stagnant on the weekends
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is irrelevant for myself to fear being judged as inexperienced or lacking the physical capacities of other people whom attend a gym when my starting point is clear within attending the gym to physically support the body in the usages and digestion and regularity of insulin requirements by exercising on the weekends to an equivalency to that which I do at work on the weekdays
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I am clear on the starting point of/for myself within walking a point for myself I do not need to entertain or continue to participate in the fears associated to the resistance or the stresses associated to the resistance as I am able to focus on myself and walk the point here for myself without the projection and idealization of what or how I should be within the specific point which I am resisting because the starting point is here for me, so in this I am able to walk with myself breath by breath in the pace in which breath exists through the resistance
I commit myself to on this week going to a gym and signing up for a membership, to go to on the weekends to give myself the physical activity that assists and supports the body in the metabolizing of carbohydrates and the insulin requirements that I need for the amount of carbohydrates that I eat during the weekend, and in this as well to start to curve the intake of complex carbs on the weekend to not only eat complex carbs and to eat simple carbs within fruits and vegetables to not make the body work extensively hard to receive the nutrients from the food I am consuming
I commit myself to when/as going to the gym focus on myself and why I am there, focus on myself in doing the exercises that get the heart rate up and get me sweating to assist the body within diabetes and give myself a rough equivalent of the exercise that I do while at work, because I am not going to go to the gym for 8 hours and work out as I do at work, but I am able to do cardio to give myself a rough equivalent to the exercise that I do with the body within work, and in this to move onto other equipment as well that I am able to tone up that which I already have to best support the body within the work that I do within the week so that I do not injure or overwork a specific muscle without the support of the other muscles in/as their development
I commit myself to when/as going to the gym stop separating myself from the other people whom as well attend the gym and talk to them and engage in socialization with the other people at the gym, asking them questions and support in how to appropriately use the machines and any specific exercises that I am able to do to support the specific muscles that will assist me in not injuring myself at work by over working the muscles I use at work without the support of the other muscles connected to those muscles.
I commit myself to sticking with this throughout the winter and if I decide to, as well during the summer if I continue to decide to drive everywhere instead of using the bike