Saturday, January 12, 2013

Day 268 - Stress and Learning


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to narrow in, using the mind's eye, on that which I am not understanding because I believe that since I do not understand the one piece of information, that one piece of information is going to be the failure of myself within the course, and in this, through the belief about that one piece of information, allow myself to focus in and give all my attention to that one piece of information wherein, if I continue to not understand that one piece of information, allow myself to further accumulate stress within myself as I repeat to myself `I am not getting it` and consequently allow myself to believe that I will be `fucked` for this course because I am not understanding the material/one piece of information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought that I am going to fail this course because I am not getting how the relationships in math are functioning/equating and as each new question is proposed and when I start to answer the question and fail to start to understand where/how to begin the question, allow the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness to over come myself wherein I start to believe that I will fail this course because I cannot start to answer a question, do not know where to begin within answering the question - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/understand/realize that if I am able to start answering the question by/as understanding what the question is asking/understanding what initial processes will be needed to start answering the question, I will be `better` off within the material in this math course, and it is that since I cannot be able to, on my own, start answering the question, I start to feel helpless and hopeless within the math course and accordingly allow myself to stress myself out by allowing myself to think that I am fucked for this course

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I am fucked for this course because I am having a hard time understanding where and how to use the relationships for each equation being asked to solve in this allowing the believe and thought of being fucked for this course impede my ability to see here in the physical, to see and apply myself in a different way here within the physical wherein I stop myself from thinking the thought that I am fucked for this course and from believing that thought and bring myself back here within the physical and stop myself from stressing myself out by removing myself from the focus on that thought and removing myself from the associated belief to the thought and ask a question so that I can understand the material better instead of sticking within the mind and focusing in on the stress that I am creating through believing that I am fucked in this course

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out by thinking the thought `I am fucked for this course` and in this thought allow the fear of failure to exist within me, allow the belief that I will fail to exist within me, allow the ideas of what will happen if I fail to exist within/as me, instead of allowing myself to work with the equations in math and the relationships of the equations step by step, and work with them over and over until I am able to understand what processes, functions, relationships exists within each question asked and am able to start the equation without doubt of myself and without the background fear of failure, fear of my ability to apply myself in the course, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, within bringing myself out of the stress, ask the teacher questions about how the relationships function, what and how each step is created/functioned within the equation/question

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that I am fucked for this course and that I do not know how to answer the questions, and in this belief separate myself from myself in/as participating in the class, separate myself from seeing who I am within the course, and in this not realize/see myself within the course in/as my actual capability of applying myself in the material and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am only living within a BeLIEf when/as the girl sitting beside me told me that I had gotten the answer without myself being aware that I had done so - creating a release of stress within myself and in this to not accordingly stop, remove myself from, and delete the belief that I am inferior to math and the functions/equations/relationships associated to math - and within this as well I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the polarity within the thought `I am not so fucked` when the girl beside me told me that I had gotten the answer right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain focused on the entirety of the situation that is present in front of me, focused on all that is around me by allowing myself to, when stressing myself out, narrow in on the one point that is stressing myself out and only focus on that one point wherein I allow myself to compound the stress that I am creating by allowing myself to only see that one point and not the entirety of the situation - and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when/as I notice myself stressing myself out bring myself back here in breath and look at all that is here, separating myself from the narrowing focus on the point that is stressing myself out, and within this give myself a minute to go through the relationships that I am not understanding and if I still do not understand it, let it go for a moment and ask a question about what I am not understanding when working on the work about the function that I am not understanding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that through not being able to understand a certain function/relationship/question, that I am fucked for the entirety of the course, not seeing all that I will be doing within the course, not seeing that there is still much more to the course than what the past 2 days have shown, and that I may not be able to immediately understand what we are going through right now because it is review, and thus it is moving quickly, but when/as we walk the course material, things may or may not go slower and I may or may not understand things `easier` - anyhow I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the one moment of stress the focal point of my experience, existence within schooling/learning, and in this make myself believe that the entire course, experience of myself will be similar to the one that I've been experiencing in the past 2 days, not seeing the entirety of the situation, but only allowing the focal point of myself be placed upon the stress and not immediately understanding the material and the belief that I am fucked - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the belief that I am fucked within this course, find and create experiences of myself in which I support that belief of myself

I commit myself to when returning to school on Monday, to keep myself stable as best as I can at this moment while I am in class, and to when/as I stress myself out over the material that we are learning, to take a step back from the focal point of the one point/equation/function/relationship that I am not understanding and bring myself back here to breath and stop allowing myself to stress myself out about what the course is, or what I am thinking of myself within the course, and who I believe myself to be in relation to the course

I commit myself to going over the material that we learnt in the past 2 days on this weekend and work with myself in being able to find out when/where I use certain function/equations when the question is asking to do so, and in this work with myself to not make myself keep the idea of needing to catch up, and in this live responsibility for myself in/as the course within my past and lack of `fresh` experience with math - meaning be responsible for myself in my ability in math at the moment by working on worksheets and going through all the questions on the work sheet and doing homework and putting in time within the course at home so that I do not create the experience of feelings as if I am playing catch up

I commit myself to stop doubting myself in math, commit myself to stop thinking thoughts about who I am within math, stop thinking the thought that I am fucked and when/as the thought that I am fucked comes up, breathe and separate myself from the thought and separate myself from the narrowing in on creating the experience of myself being fucked by looking at the functions/equations/relationships that I am not understanding and in this move on from that which I am not understanding, to give myself a break from creating the stress, and come back to it in a moment and separate myself from the experience of being fucked, separate myself from the belief that I am fucked and look at the entirety of the equation and not only that which I am not getting/understanding - within this I commit myself to use the resources available to me such as the teacher and peers within the class to assist and support myself within understanding the material

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