Monday, January 28, 2013

Day 279 - Slowing Myself Down Part 7

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited about an idea that I've created within the mind about moving myself in the physical reality in/as change, allowing all the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, projections, perceptions, energy, excitement to come running to me/within me within the moment that I allow myself to think about how/where I would change if I were to change, lol, and in this allow myself to, within the excitement, rush through thoughts, rush through breaths, rush through all the ideas pertaining to the idealizing the concept of change and how to live it, in this not giving myself the time to stop, breathe, and practically apply myself within said change, and walk it step by step, walking it within being humble to/as change


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move quickly within the mind when creating the ideas and perceptions about change, getting far too ahead of myself within where I am here and as well as who I am here at the moment building up energy towards the idealization of the change instead of walking the change breath by breath in physical application, and in this to as well rush within the physical in/as the idealization of/as change or within walking a point to completion such as within school, wherein my starting point was to get it done as fast as possible and move on from upgrading high school credits within the idealization of attending university instead of walking what is here breath by breath slowly and applying myself in patience within walking through/within/as the time it will take to complete the courses to apply to university and receive the grades needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to rush through the point of change failing to slow myself down and face myself here in/as my application of myself here in each moment of walking myself in change, facing myself in what/who've I accepted and allowed myself to become that is not what is best for life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited in the moment I think about change and what/how I could change and the application of myself in change, living off of the energy created from the excitement only for as long as the energy remains active, pushing and moving as fast as I can to change, not realizing or seeing that the point of change is not going to happen immediately and will take time and patience with myself as I face myself and walk myself through the point of change physically to make sure that I do in fact change in/as the test of time, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of myself when thinking of the point of change and `visualizing` how the change could manifest through my actions, allowing myself to create unrealistic expectations of myself in/as change by not looking at who I am here, what I participate in here in my living habits/patterns - only looking at the idealization of the visualization of change and expecting myself to live that immediately without practical corrective application of myself in/as who I've become through time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself, and consequently move as fast as I can to get to the point of change, within the expectations that I create of myself when visualizing the point of change and how I would be within living that point of change, and how to live that point of change - be hard on myself by holding the expectations over my head as a burden, and when/as each time that I `fall`, do not live up to my own expectations of myself, backchat extensively about being a failure for falling, about being worthless by not living up to the expectations/values that I've created within the idealization/visualization of the point of change in future projections

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when attempting to live up to the expectations that I've created for myself and fall within attempting to live `up to` those expectations, beat on myself roughly for not being acceptable for the standards that I've set up for myself, instead of working with myself here and understand what/how, in specific detail, I've created myself in/as the way that I have and work from here into the point of change - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to walk into a point of change within a future projection of the idealization of change and not from here in patience and breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see/understand/realize when I've given myself expectations that I must `get to` within needing to move myself to `get to them` not realizing that they are in fact here as me in each moment, I am only not living them as me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself in the walking of myself in change by allowing myself to believe that I must `get to` the expectations of myself, `live up to` the expectations of myself, instead of realizing/seeing that they are here as me, it is only that I am not deciding here in each moment of live them, so within this it is not about living `up to` or `getting to` but placing myself here as them and walking here as the `expectations` grounding myself in the expectations to work with myself here as who I am here and what I've become here, and work from here as the point of change, not from a projection of myself within the idealization in the mind of/as change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I've become has taken an amount of time to create, specify, detail, integrate, and will accordingly take an equal amount of time to debunk, investigate, forgive, correct, and change within, and thus the change that I am hoping/wanting/expecting to live within as in immediacy is simply unrealistic and impractical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the excitement of a possibility opening of change, or a point that I am able to move on in regards to moving further in understanding myself, moving `further` within the system, or expanding myself in an area of living, allow the response of fight or flight to exist within me, creating adrenaline to give myself a `boost` of energy to walk as fast as I can into manifesting/creating that point of possibility, instead of working practically with myself here in/as quality of myself in creating that possibility, and not moving as fast as I can within the want of quantity, the want of it `now` or `as fast as possible` and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to exercise patience and practical walking of myself into bringing the possibilities here as myself and bringing myself here into/as the possibilities equal and one

I commit myself to when/as there is a point of possibility to expand myself in my reality within schooling or within work, or within the system itself, or expand myself in my understanding of myself to be patient with myself to not miss anything of what needs to be done to bring the possibilities here as me, and give myself the possibility, and to be patient with myself in walking myself into the point of expansion of myself - working with myself here in/as each moment in/as who I am in relation to the expansion and what is limiting myself within the expansion, and in this start to learn how to be patient in walking myself in points of change to give myself further possibilities, and/or expanding myself

I commit myself to when/as moving within a point of change to not create unrealistic expectations of myself to immediately move into the point of change, but to look at how/where I am able to apply myself in/as change here and work from here, stopping myself from moving as fast as I can within the visualization/idealization of change and when/as I move within the point of change to not get ahead of myself in the excitement within the thought `I am changing` lol, but to remain patient with myself until I stand the test of time within the point of change into completion, and to not expect myself to change immediately and in this not be hard on myself to change immediately, but patient and gently pushing myself from time to time to bring myself into/as the point of change here as me

I commit myself to remaining patient with myself in the process of change, and to work with myself when/as I fall to look at what I didn't consider within the point that I am changing, and to not beat up on myself for not living the change, but to be gentle with myself in/as what I didn't consider previously

No comments:

Post a Comment