Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Day 281 - Slowing Myself Down Part 9
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when sitting down with myself and relaxing for a period of time, continue to think about the responsibilities that I have not yet done, when I will do those responsibilities, where, how, etc, not allowing myself to be here with myself and relax here with myself in breath with the body, being here with the muscles, the breath, the mouth, the eyes, and relaxing myself as them/with them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to fear and worry about getting done the responsibilities that I have within the day when I decide to sit down with myself and give some time to myself, give myself some time to chill and be silent for a while causing myself to build upon the stress that is already within my through thinking about the responsibilities, by allowing myself to think about the responsibilities as I am resting, wherein I use the point of resting and the perception of `doing nothing` to fuel more backchat about the fear of getting the responsibilities done, not realizing that this backchat is highly related to self trust and self commitment and self respect, not seeing/realizing that within the lack of self trust that I have lived unto myself over the years, as I lay down and rest, I fear that I will not get up and apply myself within the responsibility, and thus do not trust myself, and fear the lack of self trust - wherein this fear then comes up as backchat regarding pushing myself to start to work on the responsibilities
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that while I backchat about the responsibilities the mind is assisting and supporting me to see me, assisting and supporting me to see that I am not trusting myself to work on the things that I have to do and to stay focused on the things that I have to do and that the backchat is me trying to push myself to start to work on the things, yet it is me who is resisting doing the work as well, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive backchat as needing to be avoided and stopped immediately, not understanding that it is showing me something about me that I am not living and that I am fearing within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize understand that the backchat that I have while I am laying down with myself to give myself some time to relax from the pressure and stress that I've placed upon myself within moving through time and responsibilities within the time, is because there is a lack of trust from myself to be responsible even within allowing myself to relax for a while, responsible within getting up after a while and starting on the responsibilities again, and that in this there is a fear of trust of myself and a lack of trust that I will do what is best for myself in regards to walking responsibilities
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that when backchat exists while sitting down with myself and relaxing and it is about moving myself within the responsibilities, I am stating within myself that I in fact plan to not do the responsibilities if I do not have to, causing the point of fear of myself in/as trust of myself to move within/as the responsibilities to become backchat wherein I think and put stress and pressure on myself due to the fear of trust of walking the point of responsibility and the point of myself stating within myself that I will not be walking that point of responsibility if I do not have to, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the points of responsibility for/as myself when/as the backchat comes up, meaning when I am deciding to relax for a while, or entertain myself with websites, to when/as the point of backchat comes up regarding getting to work on the next thing that I have to do, to not resist and ignore that backchat and attempt to keep on entertaining myself, but to drop myself within the want to entertain myself and bring myself back here in breath and re-direct myself to working on said responsibility, allowing myself to start to apply self trust and to remove the fear of myself working on said responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not check myself in/as my starting point for relaxing with myself and be self honest within the starting point, wherein if I relax in order to ignore or avoid the responsibilities that I have to do, to not relax in that moment or to allow myself to relax for a short while, and/or if I am really stressed out about all that I have been doing/need to do, to work with myself in sitting down with myself and giving myself a massage and allowing myself to relax myself from the mind and bring myself back here to the physical and release myself from the stress that I've created and stop the thoughts about what I must do next, stick to breath, and direct myself from breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize understand that when/as I am having backchat when I am sitting down and relaxing with myself I am showing myself where I am not standing and that when I am backchatting when I am relaxing with myself it is showing myself that I am not standing within a point of self trust to work on the responsibilities and complete the responsibilities that I am have to do within the time period and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when relaxing with myself state within myself that after I am done relaxing, I will stand up with myself and work on the responsibilities that I have to complete and within stating this within myself allow myself to relax with myself sitting down or lying down and live within trust of myself to continue to walk the points of responsibility in my immediate reality and the points of responsibility for/as who I've become and accepted myself as that which is not best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create patterns with a lack of self trust to complete and continue to walk points of responsibility for myself in this life, allowing myself to repeatedly fall time and time again without living the actual correction in/through time/space by allowing myself to rush within/through points of change with disregard for life, meaning rush through within changing myself without taking a step back from myself in the idealization of change and considering myself as life within what I am living here, and work within trust of myself here to walk slowly, patiently, diligently and with steadfastness to stand within the points of change of support of myself as life and support of all others within life.
I commit myself to when/as I am stressing myself out within walking points of change or when I am walking points of responsibility in this system to practice relaxing with myself without backchat and fear of myself in trust to continue to walk the points of responsibility/change when I am done relaxing and in this I commit myself to when I am done relaxing with myself from walking points of responsibility for a period of time to when I am done relaxing not abuse the point of relaxing and start to again walk points of responsibility in/as a point of slowness without stress and be patient with myself in walking the point of responsibility
I commit myself to practicing sitting down with myself in relaxation without points of backchat, where I can be here with myself in breath and be silent within the mind and without fear of myself in walking points of responsibility, and within this I commit myself to applying myself within walking points of responsibility without resistance or hesitation to start to apply myself within trusting myself to walk the points of responsibility when needed in immediacy, and in this start to develop a relationship with myself of self trust within responsibility for myself in/as this world
I commit myself to being patient with myself as I walk the development of a relationship of trusting myself to walk points of responsibility into completion and be diligent with myself when/as I am aware of myself that I am about to walk into a point of self sabotage, be diligent with myself in not going into reaction of wanting to not move within the point of self sabotage but to bring the point of self sabotage to myself here and walk through it/as it in breath into a point of correction, in this not wanting to not sabotage myself but simply not participating in self sabotage, and in this I commit myself to when/as I am in a point of self sabotage within responsibility, to move myself through the resistance to walking the point of responsibility and make the small effort to move within the physical within directing myself in the responsibility, such as making a few key strokes, or picking up the phone and dialing a number, or picking up a pencil and grabbing the blood glucose meter, and in this move myself slowly through/within the point of self sabotage within resistance towards walking the point of responsibility