Friday, February 1, 2013

Day 283 - Self Trust Part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize backchat as a point of irresponsibility, wherein as I think, hum, and haw about working on/within a responsibility, I am in fact deciding in that moment, behind the curtains of the backchat, that I am not willing to move myself here within the physical to work on the responsibility which is when/where/how I will allow myself to backchat about working on the responsibility, using the illusion within the mind and the images within the mind and the false confidence I create within the mind within thinking when/where/how I will start to work on the assignment, using backchat as a scape goat for myself walking the point of responsibility here within the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe through the desire/want/pre-programmed response to avoid and ignore points of responsibility, meaning breathe through the want to sleep or to entertain myself or to fuel points of energy within sex, masturbation, video games, etc, when/as I am facing a point of walking a responsibility here within the physical, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to more often than not allow myself to go into those points of energy when/as faced with the opportunity to walk points of responsibility here within the physical, in/as myself moving myself here within the physical in/as the point(s) of responsibility to live within/as responsibility in/as the responsibility itself, wherein instead of moving myself here within the physical in/as living myself as responsibility itself, allow myself to `fuck around` and entertain myself and avoid, at all costs, walking the responsibility in physical movement and actual living within/as the responsibility by moving myself in the physical within the point of responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on a point of responsibility until I feel that I've done my part within the responsibility, as if time and responsibility are one and the same, wherein as I move through a responsibility within/as time that eventually that responsibility will stop existing, not realizing that within/as examples in this world wherein the human has lacked the responsibility to be the custodians of the earth, that if we were to give ourselves and walk within that responsibility, that throughout time it will not suddenly stop existing, we must continuously live in/as the point of responsibility for the management and care for life on earth, and thus a point within living responsibility is not gone through the application and movement of time, but only becomes less/more involved within effort, such as with the current state of the world and ourselves we are in for a hell of a lot of work to get this world and ourselves into a point of harmony, and through time it will become easier as we walk the responsibility, but it will never diminish entirely, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that walking responsibility of/as myself means that I become it and live it as an expression of myself and thus do not allow it to diminish, and if I were to allow it to diminish, such as the example of the state of the world at the current moment, I am left with the point of responsibility `falling` or going into disharmony, again such as the current state of the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship to responsibility wherein I move myself within the point of responsibility until a moment where I see/believe/perceive that that point of responsibility is `taken care of` and drop it from then on, until it again accumulates into the need to move into that point of responsibility again, not realizing that the best method within living the point of responsibility as a solution is prevention wherein the point of responsibility is not dropped/avoided/neglected but checked up on from time to time and maintained to stay within what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in a point of responsibility absolutely, wherein as I work on/give myself the effort to walk the responsibility, walk it as me as life as the expression of myself and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drop points of responsibility when/as I perceive them to be done, not realizing that they are not in fact done, only `cleaned up` and that they still must be taken care of and maintained, such as an example in regards to diabetes, wherein a certain formula in regards to basal and bolus injections will work for a short period of time, but if I were to say `that's it, this works, I'm done` and stop recording the blood glucose readings, and then some time later when the pattern that I live changes and so does the formula, and thus must be corrected and altered to support myself within the new pattern, and that in this I am not `done` when I find a formula that works for a period of time, but always must be responsible for myself within diabetes and maintaining/correcting the formula to support the body as patterns change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a lack of self trust within myself to walk points of responsibility through allowing myself to drop the point of responsibility when/as I see/perceive/believe it to be complete, and in this sabotage myself from facing and living within that responsibility again, as I see that dropping that point of responsibility, be it educating myself, self investigation, the simple chores, diabetes management, is me avoiding going further into that point of responsibility and giving myself the ability to expand myself within that point of responsibility, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drop points of responsibility when I believe that I am done with them, instead of giving myself to opportunity and walking into that opportunity to further expand myself within that point of responsibility, and further give myself an understanding of the dimensions of that responsibility and how to create what is best for all within that point of responsibility

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop self trust within walking responsibilities by applying myself within them immediately and not allowing the points of responsibility to accumulate to a point of `disaster`, such as the example of this world, wherein I abdicate/avoid the responsibility for long enough that the point of responsibility becomes harmful to self and life and only when it escalates to that point of harm/destruction walk the point of responsibility then, not in fact living the solution of/as responsibility as the expression of myself for the point of responsibility

I commit myself to developing the point of self trust in/as walking points of responsibility by/as when I am having backchat pertaining to walking the point of responsibility, stop myself in that backchat, breathe and bring myself here within breath as the point of responsibility, as the walking of the responsibility here within the physical and commit myself within self will to walk that point of responsibility, and within this I commit myself to checking up on myself within the backchat to clearly see if I am in fact living that decision within myself to walk that point of responsibility, wherein if there is still backchat than I am not clear on walking that point of responsibility, and that if there is no backchat about walking the responsibility then I am clear within myself on walking that point of responsibility

I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself in life by periodically walking points of responsibility until I am satisfied with myself in/as my effort put into the point of responsibility, and in this I commit myself to walking any and all points of responsibility as the expression of myself - meaning develop, re-create myself in the relationship to responsibility wherein I in who I am in regards to responsibility is a living expression of myself of responsibility, and in this to not walk the point of responsibility until I am satisfied, but walk the point of responsibility until what is here within the responsibility is best for all, and thus maintain and support what is best for all within that responsibility by/as placing myself in/as that point of responsibility as life as breath

I commit myself to being patient with myself when walking through the resistance and pre-programmed nature regarding my relationship to responsibility, and when/as I am resisting and backchatting about the point of responsibility and living/participating in walking within that responsibility, to take a moment, breathe, relax myself, calm myself in the fear of myself within walking the point of responsibility, and gently push myself in the physical to move myself in the start of the responsibility and continue to breathe and walk that point of responsibility.

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