Monday, February 4, 2013

Day 285 - Self Trust Part 4


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate on responsibilities wherein I develop a relationship with myself of a lack of self trust due to my acceptance of procrastination towards responsibilities wherein I put off the responsibility for as long as I can, ignore myself within the responsibility, ignore myself in the point of living the responsibility, causing myself to not trust myself to walk points of responsibility, or develop a relationship with myself of/as responsibility due to my acceptance of procrastination and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk myself in/as responsibility in breath as the living expression of me wherein, it is not about taking responsibility or walking the point of responsibility in separation from myself here in breath but realizing that I, myself, am responsible for the point and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be responsible for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/believe that others are responsible for myself in/as who I am and who I've become through environmental factors, in this not realizing/seeing/understanding that I, myself, accepted and allowed myself to be influenced/created through/as those environmental/societal/parental/media factors and thus am responsible for myself no matter what/how the I was influenced in the creation of myself because I, myself, accepted responsibility for creating myself in/as those factors of influence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am responsible no matter what/how I've been influenced throughout the course of my life and thus I am/have always been responsible for myself, it is only that I, within the mind and within resistance, I have ignored that I am in fact responsible and have thus accordingly developed a relationship to myself in lack of self trust to walk/face that point of responsibility as myself unconditionally, eternally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself being responsible for myself and fear walking myself in/as responsibility as myself to change myself in my patterns and habits to what is best for all, and thus create a lack of self trust within myself in seeing what/how I am not living within what is best for all and refusing to change myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the refusal/ignorance to change - meaning ignoring that I must change, ignoring the points/opportunities of change - I've allowed myself to not trust myself in being responsible for myself to this day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand that this point of lack of self trust within responsibility has been created long before these points of lack of responsibility within diabetes management, homework, schooling, working started to exist, and that this lack of trust within responsibility was created through the belief of myself not being able to trust myself to be responsible for myself - in which there is clearly a memory associated to the belief which is not doing things right the first time and having to have others take responsibility for me to `get it right` - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the capacity within myself to be responsible for myself - even though this beingness is always me in/as the point of responsibility for myself - and to believe that others are far more capable in being responsible for me, such as the nature of the upbringing of society wherein the parents are always held accountable/responsible for their children's actions, and it is never questioned that the child in fact knew what is what doing - such as with myself wherein I believed that my parents were always responsible for myself and thus had to direct me/guide me through life in/as responsibility - and thus I connected the belief that I, myself, am not able to be responsible for myself - lack the capacity to be responsible for myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am in fact always and have always been responsible for myself and am now able to direct myself within this reality through/as being/realizing/living this point of responsibility for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see that others are equally responsible for myself as I am for myself and vice versa, where I am responsible for them in/as the words I speak, actions I live that affect/influence others equally so, and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see this point of responsibility as a living beingness that does not fade and cannot be lost - it is always here as me and always has been here as me throughout my entire life and thus I have been responsible for everything that I am/done in my life and cannot place blame upon another for who I am, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself with the responsibility for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of `handling` my life within the points of responsibility and in this belief, start to live as such, wherein I allow myself to sabotage myself in/as points of responsibility because I've not been here with myself in breath in/as the living beingness of/as responsibility and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I've continued this point of lack of responsibility for myself and wanting others to take responsibility for myself so that I can maintain and continue to live within self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to willingly give up responsibility for myself so that I can live within self-interest and within living in self interest and denying/ignoring myself in/as responsibility as the living state of myself, allow myself to build upon the relationship of not trusting myself to be responsible for myself through/as self-interested actions, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up self interest for responsibility, such as shown within the examples in my life wherein as I walk more points of responsibility, such as school, work, and pursuing further education - aiming for a career etc, I've had to give up video games, skateboarding, and socializing for these responsibilities, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that there are aspects of my life in which I am responsible for myself within and there are still aspects/dimensions/tendencies to continue to participate in self interest and not further expand myself in the living statement of myself as responsibility and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that there are still much more expansion that I can do with myself in/as the point of responsibility within giving up self interest in order to pursue/expand myself within the points of responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I have been responsible for myself in certain dimensions/aspects of my life and it is only the self judgment of myself in the moments/hours/minutes that I participate in self interest that is not allowing me to see myself within who I am in/as the entirety of myself in/as my living within the point of responsibility, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not living up to the expectations of myself in/as the point of responsibility of/as giving up all self interest immediately, instead of walking the expansion of myself in/as the point/living expression of responsibility for myself patiently and gently - whereas I do the opposite - push myself far too hard and cause these points of stress associated to responsibility, the fear of responsibility, and the fear of myself in self trust living responsibility for myself in this life and all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand that when I am participating in self interest that I am abdicating self responsibility for myself in this world as life, and this is where/how this lack of self trust within myself has built up = due to my participation in/as self interest and the judgement of myself for participating in self interest within the expectation of eradicating self interest absolutely/immediately

I commit myself to when/as I am judging myself within backchat due to participating in self interest, to be patient with myself and be here with myself in breath and if it is a point of self interest that is `easy` to stop from the point of simply stopping participating in it and moving myself in the direction of self responsibility - to breathe and direct myself within responsibility, and within this I commit myself to stop judging myself for taking some time to myself and enjoying an episode of a series, and stop calling it self-interest, and in this relax with myself in enjoyment of myself within relaxing and chilling for a moment

I commit myself to see more of myself in/as how I've stopped participation in self interest and have lived self responsibility in aspects of my life - and in looking at the points in which I've lived self responsibility and trust myself to move within the point of self responsibility in the aspects of my life - use that as an example of how/where I am able to further expand myself in self responsibility for the other aspects/dimensions of my life wherein I am lacking self responsibility and trust of myself to live self responsibility and trust of myself in self responsibility

I commit myself to not be hard on myself in stopping self interest, and in this stop the want to stop living self interest and place it here as me - not within separation of/as a want to stop, and when/as I am procrastinating a point of self responsibility within/as self interest in feelings/emotions/thoughts, to see this clearly, breathe, slow myself down and correct myself within living/walking the point of self responsibility

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