Friday, February 8, 2013

Day 288 - Diabulima and Self Destruction

Within the past few posts I've been sharing SF on my self destructive patterns and the lack of self trust to give self respect and effective care for life as me/us, and one of the largest points in my life currently is diabetes, and within living in/as a self destructive pattern/habit/nature diabetes is an `easy` way to really become self destructive through/as the wants/desires within self.


In the past post (Day 287 - Self Trust Part 6) I shared a SF statement regarding the self destructive patterns and how it is closely related to suicide. A few years ago I was suicidal, and I saw diabetes as an easy source to commit suicide with, and from reading the article (http://www.diabetesforum.com/information/charity-warns-about-rise-of-diabetic-eating-disorders.html) it can be seen that diabetes and the methods of control within diabetes, if we are self destructive, can really cause a mass amount of harm to the body. I mean when I was suicidal, I wanted to control the outcomes of everything, which is related within the Self Trust series posts, and through not getting what I wanted from the outcome of what I was participating in, I would throw a tantrum within myself for not receiving what I wanted and consequently want to harm myself or end myself, because I would not get that reward that I wanted, and yes the thoughts of suicide at that time were absolutely selfish and full of spite. And so within reading this article it is clear to see that when/as we get control of ourselves in a specific manner, such as control of sugar levels through being a diabetic, or control of insulin dosage rates due to being a diabetic, we can abuse such control, and do abuse such control to attempt to get the outcomes that we want from the experience/situation. Such as within this article wherein Diabulimia is becoming more of an apparent mental health issue which is when people will purposely miss injections or purposely not inject the correct amount of insulin to cause blood sugar levels to go high, and since there is a lack of insulin within the blood stream, wherein insulin acts as the bridge between the blood and the cells which allow the cells to use the sugar is hindered, the body will start to use fat as an energy source which is the desired/wanted result of bulimia, but can cause much harm to the body because of the fat being used, releasing ketones into the blood stream, which can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis.

For me I can relate this point to myself in the suicidal thoughts from the want/desire of love, acceptance, happiness, and not receiving it, and reacting within myself in self harm and self abuse, and the want to end myself as a point of spitefulness towards not receiving love, acceptance, or happiness, and from relating this, with these people who are diabulimic, one would look in the mirror and allow the societal beliefs, opinions, ideas of what is acceptable for an appearance, and within not seeing it in the mirror, and through wanting it, participate in self sabotaging, harming, destructive actions that stem from the want, and through having control of the body in a specific function in which the desired result can be achieved, abuse ensues to create that desired result with an absolute lack of consideration of life, and this goes the same for me within suicidal thoughts, and even still within other points that I have not corrected in my daily living habits/patterns which do still stem from points of wanting love, acceptance, happiness, and not receiving it, it is only that I do not revert into suicidal thoughts any longer, but I do still participate in self sabotaging/destructive actions, which I wrote about in one of the previous blogs I wrote in the self trust series. So within looking at this point within myself and seeing that it clearly stems from a want and not receiving/getting the want, it is clear that the want is thus not considering life itself, not considering myself/as life, and only considering the energy within the mind in/as positivity, wherein as diabulimics want the positivity of being accepted as attractive and accepted within the societal standards of beauty and/or attraction, and not receiving it from themselves or from others in the society, but are being bullied for not living up to the expectations that they have within themselves and others have within themselves, life is not considered but only the energy in/as positivity/good feelings - and the same goes for me within acceptance and the feeling of love, wherein it has become apparent to me that in order for me to receive this unconditionally I must first give it to myself, and not love within the context of/as the energetic feeling, but love in the context of real physical care for myself as live.

"more and more women aged 15 to 30 who are conscious about their weight are deliberately manipulating their insulin dosage to get thinner"

The above quote is taken directly from the article and the word `conscious` is key here. Wherein the consciousness is programmable within all humans, and since they are `conscious` about their weight, they are in fact living in/as the belief system imposed/accepted by themselves and media and the others who bully, about beauty and attraction and what is acceptable within societal standards regarding appearance, and thus as they live within the program of themselves, and not see what is valued within their consciousness, self harm and self destruction in attempts to become that value ensue. This goes equally for me wherein the value of/as acceptance/love from others has been the desire of myself and want of myself and when I do not receive that from the external environment, be it through media influence, or through others words/actions, there are times where I still react within myself for not getting what I want and throw a tantrum, become emotional, and sabotage myself, and become self destructive in/as my living habits/patterns. Again it is apparent that I support myself, I bring self care, self respect, self love as life, to myself and give it to myself in/as my living actions/deeds unto myself in this life, and accordingly support others in this life to give it to themselves as well, because that's all that it ever is - meaning when/as I react towards not getting what I want within happiness/acceptance/love, and become self sabotaging, I am clearly not giving it to myself in the first place, but beLIEving that I in fact lack acceptance/love/care for myself and require from another individual - which is absolutely absurd and must be investigated by each of us who participate in this system of beliefs and corrected into valuing life here in the physical and not the values within the mind in energetic reactions.

For any who are going through diabulimia I highly suggest to read "Malin's Process of Change" blog because the point of anorexia and bulimia are well investigated in her blog, and points of self support are shown throughout her posts, and it is investigated into/as its origins and as well participate in the Desteni I Process Lite for assistance and support into understanding how we each accept these beliefs/programs into/as ourselves and live within them and how we destroy life through accepting them

1 comment: