Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Day 291 - Wanting Love/Acceptance From Others


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk through my adulthood and teenage years in the want for acceptance or love from others within the energetic experience of positivity, where I value myself when/as others that I place value within accept me into their `group` or accept me as a person whom they can socialize with, in this manipulating my behaviour, my actions, my words to match and mimic their behaviour within what they accept and allow within themselves to get the highest chance possible to be accepted/loved by them within socialization and interaction and have the highest chance possible to get what I want which is the positivity when/as communicating/interacting with another, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this not give myself the opportunity to learn how to stand on my own and create myself within what is best for all life here on Earth, but only mimic others actions/words in the best attempts to fit in and be accepted by society/groups/peers to make myself feel accepted and/or loved by the `world/society/peers/groups`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of the want for love and acceptance within the fear of walking this life alone, standing on `my own` ground, standing grouund itself wherein who I am as life in/as living what is best for all is grounded here on the earth, and in this to not allow myself to waver within the want for love/acceptance from others in this world wherein I waver my stance in/as who I am and what I accept and allow within myself when communicating with others to accept and allow what I think/believe/understand they allow within themselves, and in this allow myself to be constantly moving from one point to the next within/as `who I am` wherein I am a different personality each time I speak to a different person/interact with a different group, never coming to a real conclusion of who I am here because I never allow myself to decide with absolute certainty that `this is who I am`, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for this `who I am` within/as the world around me, trying to develop personalities, character traits, `expressions` picked up from others in this world in which I see as `valuable` `acceptable` `loveable` in/as the want for acceptance and love from society/peers/groups instead of being here with myself and seeing what/who I accept and allow myself to be in each breath, and in this look at where/how this `who I am` developed and where/how I accepted each point within me in the definition of `this is who I am`, keeping the `good` (what is best for all) and stopping that which isn't

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in other people in/as who they are, and when I find a person whom has traits that I value, strive for the acceptance and/or love of them by creating my behaviour and actions into what they accept and allow within themselves all for the positive experience of being accepted/loved by another in which as I exist within the want for acceptance/love from another, exist in the memory of not being accepted/loved by my parent when I was younger when I was hit for expressing myself in that moment, and allow the negative experience of being hit when I was younger to continually exist within me as I communicate with others and interact with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself in/as what I would like to live for myself as life, meaning be here with myself and investigate myself in/as what I accept and allow within myself and question myself in/as my actions whether or not I in fact want to live this way, live in the relationship towards myself that I've developed within/as mimicking others actions/behaviours - not giving myself self respect for myself as life because I never questioned myself in/as what I've been living because as long as it was/is accepted/allowed by others I accepted/allowed it within myself even if it was self sabotaging, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself to myself in changing my behaviour to suit myself in/as what is best for myself as life and in this create a grounded foundation for myself by/as standing in/as the point of life here on Earth, and not within/as the want for energy which is constantly waver/moving/changing in each breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself to myself in/as the question of what/who I would like to live within/as myself as life, wherein I give myself back to myself in the realization that all I have at death is myself in/as the consequence of what I've lived in my life and what consequence I've brought to in this world, and in this stop myself from mimicking others in/as their actions in the want for acceptance and love from the other creating positive energy, and correcting myself here for myself as life in giving myself to myself as life to support myself within what is best for all life here in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this point of wanting love/acceptance from others is a point of not giving love acceptance to myself wherein the love of myself is physically living what is best for all life as myself and the acceptance of myself is changing myself in awareness into a constant stable living of what is best for all life on this earth, and not from/as the definition that is so widely accepted by humans where the love is an energetic experience of ones self where it is based on delusion and a blinding ignorance towards what is here and who self is in equality to what is here, and the acceptance of accepting who you are within what you've become without the question of/as how it was created and accepted by self and whether or not it is best for all life here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself each time that I am not accepted by another individual in order to be accepted by them, or a group or society, even if that change means living what is not best for all and only considering myself, which it normally is because if I am changing myself for the acceptance of a group/individual I am living within the self interest of getting their love/acceptance and creating that feeling within myself for the positive experience I create from that point, instead of standing on my own two feet firmly planted on the ground, sticking myself to reality, and remaining stable in/as what I accept and allow within myself, making sure that is it based within reality and operational within reality, and that it is within what is best for all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept this world when/as I receive love/acceptance from a group or from individuals that accept `me` within what/how I am, not allowing myself to give myself the question of `who am I` and what am I living here in this world and what is the consequence of my living and how is what I am living creating this world and the environment around me and vice versa, but to when/as receiving love/acceptance from another or from a group within/as my idea of love and acceptance, say `that's it, I am fine, I need not go any further into who I am, what I've created as me is fine for this individual/group` and in this never questioning myself, am I really satisfied within/as who I am living, wherein I bring me back to me and question if I am stable within myself in/as who I am based in reality, or if who I am is only based on the conditions of/as love/acceptance which can easily be altered and changed within a breath due to it being based on energy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base who I am off of an energetic experience of positivity instead of what is practical here in the physical reality within living what is best for all life in/as the realization that this world is `my` world too, and I would not like to live as every being in this world as every being in this world has different opportunities/support of their lives and some have no opportunities to live a dignified life, and thus if this is a world I am living in/as me, I would not want to live in/as everything in this world as some have and some don't have, and within this change who I am in/as the want for acceptance/love for the definition of who I am, into living, in each breath and in awareness that this world is `my` world too, I am a part of it, and I would not like to live as each being in this world, and change myself as a part of this world to contribute my part into creating a world/self in which every part, every being has support and resources to live a dignified life from birth to death

I commit myself to bringing myself back to myself and giving myself back to myself and walking myself in this life within the point of investigating myself and supporting myself in this life to change who I am into the living statement of what is best for all in each breath, and stop myself from wanting the acceptance/love from others/groups/society in this world and in this remain stable and grounded in/as the creation of myself from what is best for all life

I commit myself to when/as I am finding myself wanting, or trying to receive the want for love/acceptance from others by/as holding back my words or changing my words out of fear of creating conflict within the situation to push myself to stop myself in that moment from speaking words of insecurity/fear within the want for acceptance/love from the other/group, and in this speak words that support what is best for all, and in this when/as I am wanting love/acceptance from others, investigate the point of value that I have placed within them and see where/how I am not living this within the relationship with myself and question whether or not this is real value in placing it in the context of life, and if so, start to develop and create that relationship with myself, and if not drop it, let it go and forgive myself for valuing that which is not life but only energy

I commit myself to becoming more stable within the creation of myself as life from the want for energy within love/acceptance from others, and to in this start to create and develop giving myself love and acceptance wherein love is living what is best for myself as life and giving what is best for all as life in/as the understanding of/as who self is and how the mind works and giving practical physical support for all in this world within/as giving my part into/as the creation of Equal Money Capitalism so that all beings on this earth are given a dignified life from birth until death, and in this to when/as I am wanting love/acceptance from others and am reacting within the feeling of being lonely, to give myself the acceptance of myself in/as changing myself from the point in which I am wanting into living it in/as the relationship with myself as the expression of myself here in breath - and in this stop wanting love/acceptance but maintaining and creating a stable foundation within reality and support of all life for my existence here on Earth

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