Thursday, February 14, 2013

Day 292 - The Want for Love/Acceptance Part 3


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time and effort to effective investigate myself in/as the relationship of love/acceptance unto myself, wherein the love is where I live habits/patterns that are in support of life here in the physical and support all other live here in the physical giving to others and myself that which I would like to receive = loving thy neighour as thyself, and investigating what I in fact accept and allow within myself in each breath, meaning investigating what is exists within me in each breath that I take and correcting that which is self destructive into that which is creative of a life of dignity for myself and others, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value others perception of myself, value others' acceptance of myself and in this valuing of others and their regards towards me, construct myself in a way, in each different environment/situation/event that will provide the `best possible chance` to be accepted and have a `positive` value of myself wherein the others do not react in fear of me, or create conflict with me, but have a `smiling` face on while I am around them all to feed the fear of myself in/as the insecurity of myself, of being accepted/loved by others in this world due to the memory of being hit as a child for expressing myself wherein I felt/created the thought/experience of not being accepted/loved by my family and have thus, from there on, looked for it elsewhere in this world, when really, I've missed the entire point of giving life to myself in/as creating myself within living what is best for all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for love/acceptance especially within relationships, wherein as I place value on that other individual within/as who they represent within myself, attempt to make my words, create my expression, and my personality to suit that other individual within/as what I think they will think highly of within seein it within me, and in this never be self honest with myself in/as the relationship with myself in/as how, if I were to live within what is best for all, would change my behaviour/interactions with that other individual and would not live within the want/desire for their love/acceptance, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that through being hit by my mother when I was younger for calling her a jerk, I have looked for the love/acceptance of a partner within a relationship to an nth degree, because it is that experience of myself when/as I was younger that has been the lead of the basis for most of the relationships that I exist within/as at this point in time, and that when/as existing within a relationship I've noticed that I will speak words that I am not living physically here as myself, and thus have been manipulating and lying to myself within/as relationships to get the love/acceptance from that other individual instead of standing here on solid firm ground in consistant and constant and stable support of myself here as life, meaning that when/as I have this want for a relationship within the point of love/acceptance from the other individual, I compromise myself in/as my standing of what I accept and allow within myself in/as what is supportive of myself in order to receive the love/acceptance from the other individual, due to what they accept and allow within themselves and/or what I believe they want to exist within me - thus I change myself for/as the love/acceptance from the other instead of being stable in/as what I accept and allow within myself within what is best for all life and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the stability and constant support of myself within what is best for all life as me and in this periodically allow points of self sabotage to remain in this point of not accepting and allowing myself, and periodically allow points of self judgment to remain in the point of insecurity of myself wherein I look/want that feeling of security in/as who I am through receiving the love/acceptance from the other individual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that missing another individual in/as a point of relationship is because I am not here with myself in stability within myself and within the constant point of acceptance of living what is best for myself, meaning that I am not living the point of I am here living the point of what is best for all life no matter what, and through/as the missing of an individual I am showing myself that I am not here with myself in/as stability and `confidence` of what I am doing here on earth in this life time, and that when/as I am missing the individual I am as well missing the value that I was giving myself in as the point of acceptance/love from the other and thus it is as well showing me that I am not here with myself in/as the point of expressing/living myself in/as this lifetime in stability and consistency of the decision of what I am doing in this life time in the context of supporting a life/system that is best for all life, because if I were living this point, it would not matter whether or not I am with another individual in a relationship in this lifetime as I would/will remain directive no matter what - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see this earlier and correct myself earlier, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the decision and the evidence of walking the decision to remain stable and supportive within living/giving a life of dignity for all beings on this earth and putting in my effort in/as creating a world where life is valued - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about value of/as life when I allow the point of value of love/acceptance from another in/as a relationship or a relationship with/to society or a relationship within a part of a group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time to be here with myself in breath wherein, in each day I give myself time to be here with myself and focus on what I am accepting and allowing myself to live within/as and focus on changing myself and investigating myself within what I am accepting and allowing myself to live, and accordingly give myself to myself, change myself in/as that which I am fidning no value within/as myself into points of value within/as changing myself in valuing myself as life and stopping the false value within/as another's acceptance of me, and in this stop living within the memory of being hit as a kid for calling my parent a jerk for being called a jerk, stopping myself from feeling insecure about myself in/as what I am living and stopping myself from judging myself in/as what I am living which causes me to look for another's acceptance/love of me in/as what I live, and in this change what I live to a point wherein I accept myself in each breath here within the stabiliy and confidence within proof over time that I am stable in/as myself walking what I must do in this world to be a part of change of this world as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for the acceptance and love from others for who I am so that I can give myself some value within/as the point of valuing another and having them value myself in which I then give myself a sense of value within/as who I am and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that valuing `who I am` is pointless as who I am is always changing and able to be changed in a breath within/as the `who I am` of/as the mind and of/as consciousness, and in this to not value myself as life here in the physical where the who I am as the flesh and bones are stable and constant, always here supporting the body, always constant in/as their expression of self support and stability, and this this `who I am` as the physical is in fact real because it doesn't change in a breath, it remains and thus is real, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for love/acceptance from/as another's consciousness to fill the `hole` in my consciousness wherein self worth `would be`, and in this to not realize that this `worth` is worthless as it doesn't base itself upon reality, I am not basing the worth upon reality here in the physical in flesh and bone, but upon the self worth of/as the `who I am` within the mind which is not real

I commit myself to practicing and further developing points of self acceptance/self love/self care within/as physical practical living habits/statements of/as who I am within/as the physical within/as what I live here in the physical that supports what is best for all life, and when/as I am missing an individual within the context of a relationship to bring it back to myself and understand what/where I am not standing in stability and practicality within/as my walking this life in living a part of creating a life of dignity for all life here

I commit myself to understanding, more so, where and how I've created this relationship of myself of insecurity and desire for the want and acceptance from others and within understanding it more so, live the corrective actions in which I give myself self respect and dignity and a life worth living, and in this develop stability within walking alone in this life, walking what I must walk in this life within the responsibilties that I have given myself in this life

I commit myself to being patient with myself and really putting in the effort to focus on the relationship with myself and stop wanting/desiring the acceptance/love from others or society or groups but to give it to myself in the knowing of myself in/as what I am walking on this earth within the support of what is best for all life, as I realise that as I walk this point the point of marriage, love, the `american dream` shit becomes absolutely irrelevant because as I walk this point and stablize myself within it, I focus on life and not the experience of life with a single other individual but all life itself and thus in this give myself to life

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