Monday, February 18, 2013

Day 294 - The Want for Acceptance/Love Part 5


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask myself how I want to live in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to myself in the realization that all I `have` in this world is me, and accordingly change myself, my words, become aware of my words that I speak, become aware of how I am speaking, and in awareness change myself in/as slowing myself down when speaking interacting to remain stable in/as who I am and not change my words/self to conform to an idea that I have of what acceptance is from/as another individual and in bringing myself back to myself allow myself to accept me in/as how I live through changing myself to live that which is best for all life and give myself self respect to take care of myself as life and all other life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live within the consideration of how I would in fact like to live my life, but through the fear of not being accepted and through the fear of standing alone, change my behaviour from person to person whom I interact with to become accepted, even if I am in fact dissatisfied with how I am living in that moment, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself any respect for myself as life as a being by placing myself as less than others in/as the fear of standing alone in this life walking what I must walk in this life to be an effective participant in creating myself as life and creating a system that supports life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself to myself by asking myself the question how would I in fact like to live life in/as life itself, and what am I living now that is not supporting myself as life in which I am dissatisfied with myself in/as - and accordingly forgive myself for not living myself as life itself but through the fear of others' acceptance/love of myself in/as how I've created myself - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rarely be serious and straight forward in communication, but more so joking and laughing and smiling all the time wherein I allow myself to put on a fake face of being `positive` so that others will like me for being `positive` when in fact inside myself I am not `happy` with myself living, I am only putting up a front to make it seem as if I am `happy` in this not allowing myself to be self honest with myself in communication with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down in communication with others wherein I am able to `pick and choose` my words carefully and speak what I see within the communication with others instead of being reactive to the situation and speaking simple phrases that do not in fact show what/how I view the situation/event but only allow the communication come to an end with the simple phrase in which I find a tendency to just agree with what the other is saying to end it there and not go into further communication with the other - again to not cause conflict with the other and the fear of being rejected for what I say/communicate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reactive in fear within communication with another individual, fear of myself not being accepted for the words I speak, for my behaviours, and in this fear react with words and behaviours in which I implicitly comply with what the other individual is saying, not realizing that I and the other are in fact equal in this world and that there is nothing to fear in/as speaking words of support to the other individual, speaking words that break down the view/opinion that are not in fact best for all, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear separating myself from others and simply not speak to others whose words are abusive and not supportive of life if there is no practical point to communicate with the other, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear of being alone or being an outcast of society has lead me to both change my behaviours around others and to continue to keep myself in the constant change of behaviour between individuals through the fear of simply stopping communication/interaction with the other being(s) and simply standing alone walking what I must walk in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how irrational the fear of others is in fact and how irrational my behaviour has been around others when in the fear and want of love/acceptance from other individuals, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find the reserve within myself to stand stable in/as myself in/as what I am living in this world and be able to support myself in this life without fear of being accepted/loved by another individual and `say what is on my mind`

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect communication with another individual to be primarily `happy` and enjoying when, I have not realized that I have used this point in the past and to an extent at the current moment to avoid the relationship with myself where I am `unhappy` `dissatisfied` with myself in what/how I am living and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for others and not myself in/as what/how I would like to give myself in this life within what is best for all life in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live to please others and not please myself in/as the point of pleasure within living within the principle of what is best for all and giving as I would like to receive in this world, by allowing myself to speak and communicate and interact with other beings where I put on a happy face and communicate within positivity/happiness instead of communicating in practicality within the issues that we face in this world as this world and how each of us are participants in this world and are accumulatively creating the problems of this world through/as our interactions and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that through communicating within positivity and happiness I am in fact contributing to the problem that this world is facing by creating a blind eye to it within positivity and happiness within communication with another individual, and that through doing so I am not offering any solutions/living the solutions to/as this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that many humans in this world are not able to hear what is in fact going on in this reality and how fucked up it really is, and thus to attempt and to want to be a point of support within communication is more or less pointless, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to myself here and focus on what/how I am living myself and if there is a point of communication that opens up within support of another individual to approach that point in communication and talk/share with them, other than that allow myself to be here with myself and focus on what I am living and changing myself in/as how I am living

I commit myself to start practicing slowing myself down in communication with others and remaining here in breath and stability, and stopping the reaction of the words that I speak where it is simple phrases of confirmation of the other's opinion, and in slowing myself down allow myself to speak words that will support the other in/as seeing what/how life is being lived if the opportunity presents itself, and when it doesn’t to simply walk myself here in this life, not needing to communicate or be accepted from another in/as communication or social interaction and allow myself to give myself to myself and live correction for/as myself and not live conformity for/as the fear of being accepted/loved

I commit myself to when/as I am reacting within conversation wherein I am speaking simple phrases of conformity and not what I in fact see within the situation to stop myself in that moment, breathe, slow myself down and in slowing myself down stop myself from reacting in the fear of conflict wherein I speak phrases of confirmation/conformity, and either disagree and/or stop communication at that point not saying anything

I commit myself to giving myself to myself in living what I would in fact like to live with myself and re-focus myself on myself in support of myself in this life and change myself in/as how I would like to live within what is best for all and involving myself in this world and involving myself in this reality in support of a solution to all issues that we face in this world within equal money capitalism, and in this I commit myself to walking through the point of positivity in communication and practice remaining stable as I have found within my past that I will fall easily within positivity in/as communication or within the want to be accepted/loved

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