Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Day 295 - The Want for Love/Acceptance Part 6


What I have been applying within this want for love/acceptance within communication is slowing myself down when communicating with another being, being aware of the words that I am speaking and keeping myself calm in interactions with the other being, and what I've found is that the internal conversations subsided quite a bit, and I went into a reaction of almost depression because it felt as if I was taking something away from myself, not allowing myself to express myself in conversation even though I was still talking, still speaking to others, just not giving myself the reaction of positivity when in communication with the other individual. So I went into the polarity of the reactionary cycle, and I will be testing this out further for 21 days, see if the reaction subsides, because I mean the one cool point within this is that the internal conversations subsided quite a bit, and I was in breath, although reactionary to the point, and that the reaction may just be like within stopping an addiction, the addiction to positivity in which I am aware I have a `mental illness` towards.

The one thing I question is whether or not this will be effective for me - I see that it is effective in regards to stopping internal conversations, because within the internal conversations many points lead to a feeling of positivity or I attempt to create a point of positivity. The point of reaction is showing me that I am not standing one and equal to the decision of being aware of myself in words and communicating on an equal basis - standing equal and one with correcting myself in/as the point of communication for positivity/happiness/love/acceptance. And looking at it now I see that the point of reaction is showing me that through communicating within positivity and keeping the internal conversations - I have suppressed the point of depression within myself, the depression of what/how I am living in this world and how I am unsatisfied with how/what I am living and through removing the positivity that blinded me in communication with other individuals of what I really feel towards myself, of what laid behind the point of positivity. So again yes I will test this out further and see whether or not the reaction subsides and work further on standing equal and one to the decision to stop myself in the communication for positivity and to understand if the reaction is from the addiction to positivity within communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed when I do not allow myself to communicate in a smiling manner, when I stop myself from speaking words in which I am looking for a laugh, or I am looking for acceptance of myself in/as my words/behaviours as if I am `taking something away` from myself, because I am still here, I am still walking points within school, still walking what I must walk in regards to self care in diabetes management, still supporting myself, and in fact walking things in a bit more of a effectiveness as I noticed today within school within slowing myself down in the internal conversations and not speaking to others to sound happy or act happy, I was able to effectively focus on the work in front of me and walk through it easier within not going into internal conversations within myself in points of polarity of/as communication within positivity and then communication with myself pertaining to the point of school with a `negative` experience attached to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to the point of stopping myself in communicating for positivity in which I've seen myself fall within more often than not wherein as I am walking points for myself in which there is a point of socializing connected to it fall within that point of changing myself due to the want to continue to socialize within happiness with other beings in this world, to keep the point of socializing `alive` to continue to feel `happy` or `accepted` or `loved` within/as the feeling of positivity within communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand equal and one to the decision of walking this life for myself, walking that which I need to walk, changing what I need to change within myself regardless of the consequences of my actions - meaning walking the point of change regardless of whether or not it means I `lose` friends, whether or not it means I break down all relationships within my reality, and walk that point into/as completion wherein as I stand within that point of change, know that I am walking what is best for all beings in this world, and not holding myself back because of self interest within wants and energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about and give attention to the reaction of/as depression within stopping communication for positivity and the want for love/acceptance from another individual, instead of looking at the that feeling of depression, and investigating the point of depression, forgiving the reaction of depression, and standing equal and one to the decision to stop communicating for positivity and happiness and for reactions within myself of happiness, or positivity or acceptance or love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk through this decision to stop myself in communicating for positivity in/as the want for acceptance/love and in this not realize that the reaction that I experience within stopping this point is most likely due to the energy involved and the reaction of the mind in/as not getting that which I've wanted/desired in/as communicating with another for positivity, and thus to not stand equal and one to the decision to walk this out fully wherein I am able to stand without reaction in/as communicating with another individual in support and common sense of that which the topic of communication is about, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the addiction to the feel good energy within communication is a point that I must walk through and stop myself within, and that who I am within this point has been an addictive personality because, shown through my interactions of reactions in communication wherein I react almost immediately within a point of positivity is like an addiction to the energy that I create within positivity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk through the reaction of the negative feeling similar to depression and correct myself in/as my walking to continue to support myself in/as life wherein if I do not allow myself to go into this point of positivity of communication and internal conversations to remain stable in/as support and investigation of myself within diabetes, and support of myself to remain constant in application of myself within studies, and remain consistent in my application of walking myself out of the mind and into the physical in stopping the addiction to energy, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand that the reaction itself is another form of energy in which I am able to manipulate myself within to get myself back to the point of positivity, in which I do not accept myself to fall within and in this I commit myself to walking through this negative feeling, to not go into a point of positivity but to remain stable in/as my application of myself in communication and choice of words with all other individuals, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as depressed and/or sad from other individuals whom I would stop communicating with upon a positive feeling, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the reaction of/as other individuals within telling me to `cheer` up is all but a reaction from them in/as my stance of stopping the points of positivity within myself in communication and internal conversations that are all based out of the want for feeling good/happy/loved/accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand that this point of addiction to positivity of the good feelings within communicating for happiness/love/acceptance from other individuals is in fact an addiction that I've allowed myself to participate in over the years and is going to take time to decode and walk through to a point of change in/as stability and as I walk the point of change there is going to be a feeling of instability in which the negative feelings of/as depression occur and that this point of `negative` energy will only last as long as I accept the want/desire for positivity within myself in/as communicating for positivity with another being, in which I must stand equal and one to the decision to remain consistent and stable within stopping myself and being aware of myself in communication with other individuals for good feelings/positivity/happiness/love/acceptance and in doing so continue to care for myself in/as life by not allowing the emotions to run me and be the deciding factor for my life and remain stable in diabetes management, remain consistent in studies, and remain stable in my application of myself in/as change within the addiction to/within positivity and communicating for positivity/happiness/love/acceptance

I commit myself to continue walking this point within 21 days wherein I stop myself from communicating with other individuals in reactionary words/phrases/behaviours and walk through the polar reactions and in doing so remain stable in/as support of myself in this life - not allowing the polar reaction to become the decision of who I am in relation to myself but to remain stable in/as who I am in relation to myself in/as support of myself within care within diabetes, support of myself in studies, support of myself in/as all aspects of life

I commit myself to walking through the polar reaction and not allowing the polar reaction to `get the best of me` and remain consistent and practice stability within standing equal and one to the decision to correct the choice of words, correct the responses that I have to other individuals to a point that is best for all life in this world, and in this I commit myself to not fearing what others will think about the change and whom I will `lose` within my reality within changing myself in/as this point of communication and remain stable in the choice/decision to walk this life for myself in realizing that all I have in this life is myself and how I live in this life and the consequences of my actions therein

I commit myself to practicing this point of stability within communicating with other individuals wherein I do not need to look for and stop myself from wanting to communicate with another being for points of positivity/happiness/love/acceptance and bring myself back to myself in/as love/acceptance of myself in/as the decision and stability of what I am walking in this world, - meaning love within continuing to keep track and record and investigate points of hypo and hyperglycemia, love within continuing to remain dedicated and consistent within studies, and `love` within stopping myself in/as the addiction to energy within positivity and in doing so come to a point of accepting myself in knowing that I am walking that which is best for all life regardless of feelings/emotions

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