Saturday, March 2, 2013

Day 300 - Imagination vs Living Part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not living as I am participating in the imagination because I am not here in the physical directing myself, not here in breath being aware of myself in that which I am participating in, but lost within imagination as I create and develop the scenarios in which I can live out my desires instead of being a effective human by directing myself in the physical reality within the points that need to be completed in a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself when I am imagining things, when I am creating a definition of reality through imposing my desires upon the relationship between myself and the other person, or the event, or the scenario, not questioning whether or not that is really me, or just the idealization of myself, not questioning whether that which I am imagining is based on reality or based off of a desire which I am attempting to live out within imagination and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend more time in the imagination creating scenarios attempting to fulfil my desires instead of living here in the physical reality completing that which I need to complete/do - spend more time imagining about that which I need to complete or would desire to achieve in the completion instead of practically walking through the point step by step in awareness of myself, directing myself in each breath to walk the point to completion and give/live that which is best for all within the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tempt myself by imagining myself in the desires, imagining living out desires, specifically related to sex, causing myself to distract myself from the physical, distract myself from breath, distract myself from remaining the directive principle, and remaining directive of myself in staying focused on that which is in front of me, that which is directly in front of me here in the physical and stop seeing/creating/imaging the desires within imagination where I literally separate myself from seeing what is here when I create/think about/imagine a point of desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when a thought comes up about an idealization of a person pertaining to a specific event/situation in which I can live out a desire of mine, allow myself to continue on with that thought by imagining what would be the play out of that thought, what I would do, what would happen, how I would experience of myself, and give faith and belief to this idealization of imagination of reality, and by doing so allow myself to make myself believe that the imagination has some type of value as reality and by giving myself the belief that it has some type of value as reality, separate myself from seeing that which is real, separate myself from actually seeing the physical reality as I allow myself to blind myself, literally, from seeing what is here in front of me, by focusing on creating/developing the imagination of the thought so that I can `experience` what I would desire, not seeing/realizing that I am only making the situation worse as it leaves the desire or want un-lived and, if I allow myself, leave myself only wanting more, only wanting to further create the scenario, develop the scenario, imagine the scenario in which I will further participate in the imagination due to the want of the desire and the feeling of being `so close` to it through imagination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the good feeling when imagining a desire of sex, of ego, of a point of fantasy, of being successful, give into the good feeling by allowing myself to go into the thought that pops up in the mind and entertain myself with it in imagination, where I create the a good feeling by allowing myself to give imagination value in/as a point of reality, and by doing so give myself to the imagination and mind and develop my sense of reality through that instead of breathing, seeing what is here directly in front of me and participating with that which is here in front of me within equality, and within the principle of what is best for all, meaning participating with what is here in front of me in support of what is best for all instead of utilizing it to attempt to manifest the imagined desires which is of self interest and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse, manipulate, alter, that which is in front of me in order to fuel and attempt to create the desires that I've been imagining/creating within the mind and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I've been abusing reality to conform and fit my ideals of desire within imagination and not living here with all in equality and oneness as I and all come from the dust of the Earth and will return to dust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize and idealize about how life would turn out when living within desires through imagining how specific scenarios such as sex, success, money, ego, importance, significance, would play out within the imagination and give more value to the imagination than to what I am physically living here in each breath, than what is here is in breath, than what is here in front of myself in the physical reality, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand that I've been living a life of delusion by participating in the imagination wherein I place value upon that which I am imagining as a form of reality, not living or seeing what reality is in fact or allowing myself to practically live here in this reality in effectiveness within walking points of responsibility that I need to do

I commit myself to when/as I start to imagine about how sex would be like with a certain person or how I would experience myself within being successful or start to imagine a conversation in which I place `importance/significance` upon myself to see myself in that moment, separate myself from the experience of the energy, experience of the desire, and bring myself back here in breath and walk time within breath and not the imagination, and while doing this allow myself to slow myself down by being here with myself in breath focusing on that which is in front of myself in the physical reality, being here with the physical reality, being physical and stopping myself from being imagined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that what I've done within the imagination is imagine myself, imagine who I'd be in specific scenarios related to desires about sex, importance, relationships, success, being on the world stage, and have only created a false illusion of myself which is the imagining of myself within those scenarios and thus have abdicated self responsibility to walk what is here in front of myself breath by breath within that specific dimension of abdication of responsibility by using the imagination to conjure up scenarios, beliefs, ideas, about myself within specific scenarios and have attempted to live them out when an opportunity arises in my reality wherein through the imagination and backchat that I've participated in, abuse the relationship with the other being or abuse the relationship with the event or situation to attempt to get what I want out of the event/being/scenario based on the desires that I've imagined and have backchatted about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see/understand the abuse that comes from myself participating in the imagination, the abuse that I live unto others and/or events/scenarios that affect the outcomes of the relationships to the beings/scenarios/events/physical well beingness of the physical person or event or situation, by allowing myself to first participate in imagination of the scenario of the desire specific to the event/situation, and then attempt to create it within the physical reality through abuse/manipulation/deception

I commit myself to within the understanding of the abuse that I've allowed myself to create and participate in within imagination to stop myself within times wherein I allow myself to go into the imagination, the times where I have `time` to think about what life would be like within a given scenario/situation with a being or an event, and in those times, such as within the shower, or while smoking or while commuting where I have placed an automatic program within myself to follow, to keep myself stable here in breath and walk time here in breath, walk myself here in breath in each moment while I shower, while I smoke, while I commute, and by giving myself back to myself here in breath utilize the time within those points to be here with myself and direct myself here instead of `wasting` time/opportunity to see/participate in the physical reality by going into the imagination

I commit myself to practicing this point every day when I am within those moments where I have `time` to myself and allow myself to wander off into the mind, practicing remaining stable here and shutting down the thoughts as they arise that offer the opportunity to go into the thoughts and start imagining what life would be like within those thoughts, and in this I commit myself to taking responsibility for those thoughts that pop up, responsibility for myself in those thoughts that pop up that suggest a desire to be played out within imagination by not allowing myself to go into the imagination and stick here within the physical in that which I am participating with/as in front of myself here in the physical.

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